The adventures of Ernie and Franky

two broke gays

Five dollars, five fucking dollars for a two hundred and fifty dollar feast and imnaculate fucking service and these people leave me five fucking dollars. Being a waiter sucked in a city like L.A., I walked towards Franky rubbing my temples I took a seat and let out a sigh of frustration.

            “Let me guess a five dollar tip again.” He said point blank without trying hard, I looked at him with resentment with that tone I knew he got a really good tip.

            “Its days like this I wish I never left home I can’t believe it’s been only six months since we left” I said I counting all my tips total, two hundred and five dollars. Franky looked at me with a look that was hard to read he was glad we left but I knew he missed home two,

 “Two more hours and we get our checks and head to the apartment” with a smile. The one thing about Franky he was always happy.

“What do you want for dinner, I can make chicken tacos.” I asked as we got up heading to the main sitting area of the restaurant.

“Sounds goo-Oh. My. God it’s the artist guy again” He said Lighting up like Christ just walked through the door. He always had a thing for the artistic type

“Go get him before Bethany Gets does, she’s always looking to convert guys” I teased, this art guy always came in around this time every Saturday, part of me thinks he comes for Franky but another part thought ‘Eehh maybe it’s because were the cheapest Italian restaurant in L.A. I hadn’t noticed Franky scuttled off to the art guy. I notice a new person in my section so I walked over with my fake smile and order sheet he was funny looking ,like he looked like a geek but a buff geek, the kind of geek who would steal a bully’s lunch money and give it to the geek who got his money stolen.

“Hi welcome to Val’s how can I help you” I said charm and all but he didn’t look up at me he was instead  fiddling with something in his hand, “Hello,” I said again still no response, rude, getting flustered I said “Hey!” and slammed my hand on the table causing him and other people to look at me. I spooked him from the expression on his face,

“Oory fix my earing aid” he said putting the aid in his ear, now three things happened in my head first how did I not notice he was deaf, second I must look like an asshat for scaring him, third all my years of ASL classes prepared me for this moment.

‘Im so sorry I didn’t know please don’t be upset’ I sighed to him and he looked like god answered his prayers.

‘Thank god a waiter who can sign, my lucky day” He signed laughing to himself ‘What do you recommend I’m new here” thinking for a moment I respond

‘Well the linguini is good but I like the shrimp alfraido.’ I said honestly, he gave me a look,

‘Oh no shrimp not kosher’ he said ‘I’m Jewish.’

Oh dear god geeky, deaf, and a Jew, must be my lucky day I explained we could substitute the shrimp for chicken and he agreed to that and I practically skipped to the kitchen. Franky looked at me and said

“What put you in such a good mood?” looking at my like am a damn fool, I just twirled around and said one word “spoilers”. After about fifteen minutes I took the guy his food,       

            ‘Here you go sir, anything else more coke?’ I asked nicely, he looked at me smirked and said out loud, but in his defense it was almost inaudible so he might have thought he was thinking instead of speaking “your fone number seet chik” I stood there and giggled while an old man just scoffed in the table next to him, a moment later he put his head down in shame after realizing what he did, poor guy I patted him on the head and grabbed his glass to refill his coke.

 After about a hour and a half I came back to see he was almost done with his food and asked if he needed a box he nodded a yes not looking me in the eye so naturally I wrote my phone number in the box and kindly put the pasta in the box and cashed him out and sent him on his marry little way I watched him leave…He has the booty.

“How about that for spoilers?” Franky said behind me praticticly giving me a heart attack smiling looking so proud of himself. So I smacked him upside the head. Franky and I cleaned up, picked up our checks, clocked out and headed home.

Walking home from work was always fun considering we lived not too far from work but the night life was so exiting we never went out though in fact all of our friends lived either in Reedley, our home, or far away.

“Franky why don’t we ever go out” I asked as we walked passed a club watching people having a good time.

“because Ernie as much as I’d like to go out and dance the night away were too poor to go out” he said I looked at him then the floor then back at him and said “well fuck”.