Pathways

In Perpetuum

"Don't stop..." "he's warm" "does he like it?" "am I doing a good job?" "please, don't stop" "he's gentle" "fucking hell"

Jungkook remembered the thoughts running through his head during that last night in Taehyung's apartment. He felt dizzy and he shivered with embarrassment when he recalled how he pushed Tae towards the table, not exactly cornering him but practically showing him how desperate he was for the sensation their mouths together awoke in his entire body.

He wasn't fully present in the small establishment in Seoul... He drifted...

He felt his cheeks flare up as he watched Tae's lips, talking to the other guys at the table and for the first time, he was envious that he could add nothing to the conversation. No truth and no knowledge, no joke, and no tale. He was blank as a piece of black paper, circumstantially useful. No matter the elapsed time since the moment in the Italian apartment, memories resurfaced as vivid as they had ever been. He couldn't forget the saliva coating the lips talking in front of him and how they slipped over his. Moreover, there was something excitingly vulgar in the thought of Tae's tongue in his mouth, although a kiss, even if deep, was just a kiss (as the song went). They did nothing else, nothing severely sinful but looking at Tae at the table, tangible, real, alive, the memory flared up with a power that the maknae had never experienced before.

He understood Taehyung was telling the story of how he was on a short trip to Liguria, in Italy, and how Jin came to him and they decided to spend the next two weeks in Seoul. He heard how Tae said he checked in at an AirBnB and how a wave of protests came from Hoseok and Jimin as they tugged at his sides ceremoniously and comically. They were the embodiment of gargantuan guardians of an ancient gateway fully open, missing a door.

"No way, hyung. You are living with your sister. My apartment is empty. He stays at my place." Jimin loudly whined as he frowned and gave Tae the most pleading of looks.

Naturally, Hobi argued back that both he and his sister would be pleased to have him.

Jungkook heard all the dialogue as if he was attending a medieval play, a commedia dell'arte. It was hilarious but he barely laughed. He found himself simply staring at Jimin's fuller lips, vehemently arguing their case, rosey, damp. He wondered, "Has he ever kissed him?" His eyes narrowed and he scrutinized all the possibilities, analyzing the past he knew nothing about. "They have known each other for years. They are both bisexual or gay or whatever. Were they ever drunk enough to do it?" He gulped and unreal images formed inside his brain. "Have they ever kissed like that?" He wondered again as he spun the ring on his finger, unable to focus on anything else than the possibility of Tae moaning or not into Jimin's mouth as he did when Jungkook kissed him back, dominating him.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to scream so he could cover the sound of Tae's deep voice talking nonsense about his living accommodation or releasing sounds of laughter into the entire bar and decomposing into periods of disturbing silence.

Namjoon raised his voice to overwrite the bickering and Jungkook snapped out of his fantasies. "Or you can come with us..." he jokingly said. "When two fight, the third wins and we are obviously the most unbiased here. We have a couch in our living room. You just need to learn to navigate through Jungkook's various cables and equipment scattered there. He works in the living room." he added and whereas Jin started laughing, Yoongi only smiled. "It's like a survival check if you're clumsy by nature. You never know when a cable might pop up and strangle you cause you stepped on it. There are so many, I swear..." he continued the joke as he noticed almost everybody was laughing.

Jungkook hated the fact that his life was somehow brought up into the conversation. He was bitter but he couldn't pinpoint exactly why. "You are still alive, hyung, and you are a living hazard. If you haven't died, I'd say he'd be pretty safe." Jungkook spoke without thinking, addressing only Namjoon, noticing too late that the entire table was actually paying attention to him.