Pathways

Cellos

He was seated but Jungkook's hand in his made everything about the younger boy seem unsteady. He clearly hadn't calculated what his gesture meant or what he wanted to do moving forward. It amused and it annoyed Tae at the same time, but, moreover, in perfect antithesis, it felt unfair and still comforting.

The refusal to let himself be touched passed through his mind because he knew the odds of the entire moment transforming into a mistake and hence, more low pain in his temples.

His gut feeling was that Jungkook had no intention of hurting him but that didn't mean he couldn't still do it once he overthought everything again and rejected the weird bond they had developed. Not that Tae didn't figure out that the maknae had a problem with his own insecurity. He had noticed that since Italy. Jungkook was too compliant with everything around him, masking his approval with the notion that he was a foreigner in a strange country when admitting his lack of knowledge. However, nobody accepted their ignorance or 'lack of knowledge' so easily if they weren't under the impression they had confidence issues.

The analysis of Jung Jungkook wasn't high-end math if Tae was to really sit and think about it. All in all, he had difficulties with one aspect of it, though, and that was the sudden start of the cat and mouse game. Jungkook had his moments when he easily slipped into skinship, yelling out to be loved, to be pampered, to be valid in somebody else's core and he had those razor-sharp, fake lucidity moments when he forcefully freed himself of a situation that made him uncomfortable.

Taehyung couldn't help but feel like he was making Jungkook uncomfortable and yet, the maknae persisted in coming back. Maybe if Taehyung had the patience to research all legends about those that Rose and Fell and all the myths about the curiosity of humankind, maybe he could have explained it further.

But Tae was tired.

He had been crawling, over dreaming, bottling up tears, listening to cellos for far too long. The last year of his life had been a continuous game of hide and seek where anxiety and the impossibility of a happy ending crippled him. Immortally handicapped, he continued to play the game with what was left of his life.

Jungkook hadn't been the only well-deserved pause in Tae's daily Nothingness. Jimin had walked with him until Tae let go off his hand so his best friend could also live his life instead of drowning alongside him. Italy had helped, received him through the back door, showed him how much beauty there was still undiscovered and Tae had already gotten used to her pattern of cheers and opportunities. Gabriel had helped when Tae refused to drag Hoseok and Yoongi through his darkened chambers. Gabriel was the minotaur of the circular labyrinth Tae found himself stuck in. His peculiarity and the way he carried himself rendered him the only living thing Tae was not afraid of hurting in the slightest. Gabriel walked with decadence for so long that Taehyung knew he had no way of actually hurting him with his own Fall.

And there were other minor things which made him smile briefly each day. All those instances helped. Yet, Jungkook had arrived so unexpectedly in his life and he had clung on in such a way that Taehyung barely realized how much things shifted when he was around. Light posts shone brighter, winds were calmer and the seas of personal Infernos were just a little bit colder.

Yet, Jungkook sometimes gave him the impression that he was screaming mutely in a void words Tae couldn't understand. He wanted to listen but each time it seemed like the shouted words were different. From the first moment and up to the early morning that found them both sitting on a couch in Lucidream, fingers intertwined and hidden like their story, he couldn't pick up what Jungkook was crying out loud about.

Their hands together were as much of a "misunderstanding" as the kiss they shared in Italy but Tae didn't want to think about it and blow it out of proportions because ultimately, a moment of human contact and skinship at the end of a long day was kind and nice and a kiss wasn't life-ending. Maybe the circumstances in which both events happened were mildly embarrassing especially for a straight guy but still nothing to lose sleep over.