Out of the Woods | ✓

32 | go your own way

Jensen didn't know when the yelling had started. She didn't know who yelled first. Who yelled because the other one was yelling. She didn't know who started crying first, who cried second. When the pit in her stomach formed or when her throat started burning from yelling. Or crying. Or both. She didn't know if Miles felt the same. She didn't know whether they were yelling at each other or yelling at the situation or both or neither.

Jensen didn't know what was happening. Did Miles?

It had started with apologies first. On both sides. Followed by too many buts and fingers pointed and things Jensen never thought she would say only hours after saying she loved Miles. Was it inevitable or just out of hand? How long had they been arguing? Jensen didn't even know what she was saying, let alone how much time had passed.

"I don't want this," Jensen said. Softer than they'd been talking to each other for... for however long they had been yelling. Long enough that her throat burned.

Miles' face dropped. He straightened slightly as his expressions softened. From angry to sad. "What?"

"I mean... I mean this life," Jensen said. She felt like the words that came out of her mouth were different than those she was slaving over in her head. "Not this... not us." She ran a hand down her face. Spreading hot tears as she dragged. "I've never doubted us."

"What are you talking about?" Miles wiped away tears like he was slapping himself in the face.

"I don't want... Hollywood," Jensen said. She waved a hand toward Miles' front door. "I don't want to keep walking out of places and being met with people who don't know what privacy is."

"That's just... the life," Miles said. "It's what happens."

"It's not just what happens, Miles," Jensen said.

"Grace came and got you the first day you were here because there was a tip that there were already paps at the airport waiting for you," Miles said. "You were already part of this. Just hidden away. What changed?"

Jensen didn't want to say it. Because there wasn't any way she could without it sounding awful—it was awful she was even thinking it. She pressed her lips together, staring at the floor. Picking at the hem of her shirt was all she could do to keep her focus somewhere else.

Miles' inhaled sharply after a moment. "Got it."

"I'm not blaming you." Jensen looked up at him. At the hurt on his face. The one that made her heart feel like it was shattering. Shards tried to slice through their bone cage.

"But you're not not blaming me," Miles said. He held his hands out at his sides and gave a defeated shrug. "This is my life, Jensen. It's been like this since the day I was born. I didn't ask for it—"

"I know—"

"—And I can't just turn it on and turn it off like you seem to think you can."

"I never said that." Jensen didn't mean to raise her voice again. They had just quieted down. How long had it been?

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I don't want to be in the public eye," Jensen said. "Not right now."

"You don't get to go in and out, that's not how it works."

"I mean—" Jensen was trying to find her words. Everything felt wrong. "—not while I'm trying to get used to everything."

"What exactly are you getting used to?"