God Must Die

chapter 12

The trembling of Kyle's hands was evident as she clicked the send button. She let out a deep breath after, trying to calm herself, but the more the seconds passed, the more she felt the agony in her chest.

"Why on the goddamn world are you so nervous about, Kyle?" she whispered to herself.

She knew the answer why.

She was afraid that she'd suffer the way she did before. Simula nang dumating sa buhay niya ang commander ay hindi na siya halos patulugin nang maayos ng kanyang mga bangungot. Paulit-ulit na bangungot na hindi pa rin siya tinatantanan. And whenever the nightmare happened, she could still feel the same fear that she felt back then, as if the incident happened yesterday, as if she hadn't moved on. Siguro nga ay hindi pa rin siya masiyadong nakauusad mula rito kaya ganoon pa rin ang epekto ng panaginip na iyon sa kanya.

Ayaw niyang mag-alala ang pamilya niya kaya wala siyang kahit na anong binanggit dito, kahit na kay Jo ay wala siyang sinabi. Ayaw niyang isipin ng mga ito na balik na naman siya sa umpisa. Na sa dinami-rami ng ginawa ng mga ito para sa kanya, andoon pa rin siya.

There were a lot of things that were holding her back, but there were also a lot of things that were pushing her further. Sa pagkakataong iyon ay hindi niya alam kung saang parte ng sarili makikinig.

Nang dumapo ang kanyang tingin sa mga nakadikit na posters sa dingding ng kanyang kwarto'y kaagad siyang napabuntonghininga. At that moment, Kyle wanted to know what the future might bring, but the more she thought about it, the more she felt the feeling of anxiety creeping into her system.

Muli niyang naalala ang itsura ng commander pagkatapos nitong ipahayag sa kanya ang alok nito. She couldn't help but feel an abrasive sentiment of sympathy for the guy. It must had been hard for him, flying from one country to another, celebrating his birthday alone in a country that he probably had no close relationship with, probably even blaming himself for the Caeles incident that ruined the project that he had worked so much for, and seeing it slipping further away.

Ayaw niyang um-oo sa proyekto nito dahil lamang naaawa siya sa lalaki at nakikita niya ang sarili niya rito. Kyle told herself that she should apply a professional perspective towards both of the projects with minimal biases.

Nawala sa kanyang isipan nang panandalian ang tungkol sa lahat ng iyon nang dumating ang pamilya niya. They spent the whole day in a newly opened theme park where they were able to make up for the lost time.

For a few hours, Kyle felt as if she was young again. She was glad that even after everything that had happened, she was still able to enjoy her family's efforts on cheering her up. And when they went back home after a long, exciting day, it was then again, a struggle for her. Bumalik na naman ang kabang nararamdaman niya habang pinagmamasdan ang kanyang kwarto, lumilipad ang isip.

Muli niyang naramdaman ang malakas na pagkabog ng kanyang dibdib habang binubuksan ang kanyang laptop. Paniguradong may tugon na ang binata sa email niya patungkol sa inaalok nito sa kanya.

She asked the details about the project, whether it was the same Caeles that she knew of, because she wasn't just so sure. Alam na alam na niya ang mga detalye ng Discovery project ni Fabian dahil madalas itong napag-uusapan sa agency, ngunit ibang usapan na pagdating sa Caeles.

Kyle swallowed the lump on her throat upon seeing his response to her email.

'Good day, Engineer. I am glad that you are interested to know further about the project. The file attached is the revised document of the Quantum Gravity Project. If you have matters that you want to be discussed, I would be willing to spare you some time. Have a pleasant day.'