Into The Abyss

Until we meet again

I was your servant in this lifetime—always at your beck and call, near you but it was not enough to actually touch you.

I can't even raise my eyes to catch a glimpse of your face.

Your brown shoes was all I could see whenever we meet.

My voice trained to say yes, sir, but never call you by your name. I can only look at you from afar.

When our distance can never be crossed by only long strides from my legs.

But since this time my eyes were bad, even the novelty of seeing you from a distance was hard.

How laughable of me to actually think every single time that you'll remember me.

How my heart anticipates your face and your voice.

My form always changes but yours does not.

I wonder if fate liked to play with us. Or was it my fault we get to be together this way.

Existing in the same lifetime, but shall never touch one another's hearts.

You have a wife too, this time. And a child. Children, rather, for your second child lives in her belly.

I shut my eyes whenever I see you touch her stomach with such tenderness.

As if she is the most fragile thing in this world.

And the most wonderful creature you cherish.

I would like to be your fated person. Your person.

But we should not be.

For we cannot be.

As much as I love you, as much as I wanted to be by your side, to feel your skin against mine, to hear you murmur words of affection, I will not.

For I can't bear to bring you harm due to my selfishness.

Even if you do not see me, my eyes shall follow you. Even if you do not hear me, my lips shall only mutter your name.

I will exist only because you do, even of our paths won't even cross.

Months, years passed and the leaves on your courtyard has changed their colors from the dewy green to the red of the sun to brown.

Your child has already learned how to walk and talk, while I struggle with my own balance and words.

My waist hurt a lot these days and my eyes has turned for the worst.

I have been with you for a long time now, but I wonder if you even remember my name?

Not my name from the distant past, but my name in this lifetime.

Your wife is pregnant again. I see that you love her very much.

Getting old was never my favorite part in this vicious cycle of waiting and hurting.

This time, I'll be the one to wait for you at the other side.

Yanwang might take pity on me again and let me use the mirror so I can watch you be happy again, while I suffer in misery.

But it's okay. This is the kind of misery that makes me happy.

If being miserable is what it takes so that you'll have your share of happiness, then I'll gladly do it.

This is your payback. Your cold revenge.

But it's okay.

My eyes are too tired now. The candles are all exhausted shrouding the whole room in darkness.

Maybe I should try to make some friends next time so I get to have someone next to me before I close my eyes.

It would be better if its you. But that is impossible. I think you'd rather stay in hell than stay by my side.

But it'ss okay. It's okay...

I'll see you later.