Limerence

EPILOGUE

The next morning came, and what Emily said 'still being friends' is not doing good. There's so much silence between them and the gaze they give each other is full of pain, sorrow, and regret. Every time Emily catches Matthew's look upon her, they both look away at once. The friendship they built is now gone, and Matthew, at this rate, knows he lost Emily forever. As a friend. As a classmate. And even as a potential lover.

Senior year came by like a wind. The atmosphere in the whole school changed. Zoey and Jordan both felt the gloominess around them. Graduation's just around the corner and what Zoey, Jordan, Matthew, and Emily imagined to be a joyful and memorable senior year didn't happen, and high school's done before anyone could know it.

Years went by, and all of them lost contact to each other. Emily focused on her life, on her career and goal. With her hard work and perseverance, she became what she wanted to be since then. A writer. The fruit of her own labor is her place and the things she owns. She's on her condominium, still holding her coffee and looking outside. The rain stopped now. Her coffee is cold once again. This is stupid, Emily said to herself. She doesn't even like the taste nor the smell of the coffee. It became a habit of her. Not hers, but by him. 

This. This is the only thing Emily couldn't get out of her system, his fondness of coffee resulted in her wasting a million cups of coffee for eight years now, thinking she might be able to bring back time with this.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a phone call. It's an unregistered number, and not being bothered by it, Emily picked up.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hello, is this the number of Emily Gibbins?" 

She heard a familiar voice on the other line. Chills went through her entire body. After eight long years of not being able to hear it, she's still able to tell whose voice it belonged to.

"Hello, who's this?" she asked, wanting to make sure her hunch is right.

"Uh, it's Matthew. Matthew Coleman? From Stanton High? Do you remember me?"

"Oh," said Emily, as if she really didn't know in the first place. A long silence ensued.

"Yeah, of course," she finally said.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah great. How are you? We all lost contact to you after high school. Jordan and I went to the same university, Zoey kept in touch with us, though she also said she couldn't reach you anymore. I heard from Zoey that she tried catching up with you, but unfortunately she couldn't find you,"

"How did you find me?"

"Oh, I'm very lucky to have an old friend from college who's working with the same publishing company as yours. We were just having lunch when he mentioned you as one of the best writer and editor in your company. I got your contact details from him, if that's okay with you?" 

Emily is stunned by what she heard. She couldn't process it all at once. Damn, universe really have its own ways of messing your life when you're trying really hard to keep it intact. Although she felt bad for Zoey, she felt she had to cut ties to everyone who's connected with Matthew. She's that desperate to forget everything. 

"Hello, Emily? Did you hear me?"

Emily, realizing she's drowning too much with her thoughts and completely spacing out, answered again. "Yes, sorry. I was just thinking. What did you say again?"

"I said I wanted to invite you to my wedding next month, if it's okay with you? Everyone in high school will be there. Zoey, too. She misses you so much, you know?"

Emily, astounded by what she heard, can't say anything back.

"I figured I should still invite you because you know, we've become great friends back in high school. You've become a huge part of my life, and even though we didn't end in good terms, I still think about you sometimes. Is that weird? My fiancée even knows you. You're like my best friend whom I drifted apart with."

Emily can't believe her ears. She doesn't know what to feel with what Matthew just said. She's confused, and hurt, and a little mad.

"Hello, Emy? Are you still there?"

Emy. What she would give to hear that from him once more.

"Yes, yes. I'm still here. Sorry, I was quite busy earlier. Sure, I'll come to your wedding. Also, I owe an apology to Zoey. I'll send you my email and you can just send me the details there. I have to go now, bye."

She immediately ended the call and took a deep breath. She felt like all the while in phone call, she wasn't breathing.

She looked at her laptop once again. She still have their high school photos. Her notes and poems for Matthew. She didn't get the chance to give them, because confessing her feelings created a hole beyond repair between them.

"Who am I kidding? Stupid coffee," Emily said to herself. She got rid of the coffee.

"It just reminds me of you every time. Coffee and rain together is equated to you. And this," Emily looked at her messy table. The books, papers, and her laptop are scattered. She clicked at her laptop and looked at the book she's writing for years now.

Limerence. She can't finish this book. She tried, but she can't.  It's about him, and her stupid feelings. It's like if she finished writing it, her feelings for him are gone too.  

She's regretting a lot of things now, but she knows she can't do anything about it but to reminisce all of the memories; the joy and pain altogether. What she would give to have the courage to show the world her love for him. But now that Matthew's getting married, it's finally time for Emily to really move on from him and accept the fact that their relationship is forever gone. A friend, crush, limerence—whatever you call it, it has to be gone.  

But Emily knows for sure it's going to be a tough and long battle ahead. Even if eight years have gone by, it's still him. 

It's him. It has always been him. Always have, always will.

Stupid feelings. Stupid crush. I wish I didn't had it. But I did, and it's you.

***

Hi! I've finished writing my first story, thank you for staying with me 'til the end. 💖

Until next story! xxx

-Luna 🌙