(2) Bring Me Home (T. Stark)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Spencer is sat at her laptop, Ryder sleeping in her arms as she watches the youtube video playing on the screen. She's been trying to get to grips with Serenity's new medical issue, she's ordered a few books, and whilst she waits for those she's watching videos by mothers and fathers and grandparents in the same situation that she is. It is making her feel better about the whole deaf situation, but she also knows that is going to be hard work, for her, for Serenity, for Trinity and Ryder. And it is best she gets a head start on it. She's smart. She can do this. She can handle this. She takes a breath and kisses Ryder's head, her eyes drifting shut. She might not have Tony right now, but she has his son, his daughters.

"Hey" Dean greets from the doorway, she opens her eyes and lifts her head. He enters her room and moves towards her. "So you'll never guess what"

"Hmmm?" She asks him, he sets a book on the bed beside her, she glances to it. "What is this?" she enquires as she picks up the book.

"Yeah, so brace yourself" Dean teases as she turns over the book to read the back.

"Are these....about us?" he nods. "What the hell?" she whispers, he nods again.

"Yeah, some prophet guy was writing them" he answers. "It's got everything in there" he adds as he sits on the bed with her. "Even you and Tony" her eyes widen slightly as she tries to open the book with one hand. "I got him" Dean tells her, leaning closer to take Ryder from her. Spencer opens the book and flicks through it to look for her and Tony. "It is in here" she whispers. "Everything" Dean watches as sadness and grief mark her face.

"Spence" he states, she shakes her head and closes the book, she plasters on a fake smile, determined to be okay, even when every part of her is breaking. Tears escape her eyes, she sniffles and brushes them away. "Any news?" he asks her.

"Yeah, he's back, I'm just sitting here crying for the hell of it" she answers, he gives her a look. "No" she corrects herself. "No news" she whispers. "Rhodey checks in, so does Pepper, and Happy I think is living at the motel down the street, because he seems to be everywhere" Dean smiles a little, she's got this support system around her. "But....no news"

"No news is good news" he offers, she scoffs.

"We both know that in our world that's a lie" She counters. "It takes all my strength, all day, every day not to fall into the black hole in which I believe he is dead. I can't think that way, I can't let it show...." she looks at Ryder. "I have to be strong."

"Why don't me and Sam take the kids for a few hours tomorrow?" He asks her. "Give you some time by yourself..."

"No" she stops him, because she can't be away from her children. Not at the moment. Not with everything going on. She has trouble sleeping as it is with them in the same room as her because she's scared, and she can't leave them with other people, she can't physically be away from them.

"Spencer" Dean starts. "You're exhausted...okay? Just take the..."

"I said no" she snaps slightly, stopping him. "They are my children. I can take care of them" she sets the book down and reaches for Ryder. "Give him back" Dean does as she asks, lets her take Ryder back into her arms.

"I wasn't saying you're a bad mom, Spence" He assures her. "I just thought you might like to take a nap" she looks down at Ryder.

"No, thank you, but no..." She whispers. "I can't" Dean raises an eyebrow. "I can't be away from them" she admits sadly. "Not right now"

"Spencer" Dean starts. "You know that me and Sam will never let anything happen to them"

"I know that, deep down, I do....but when I close my eyes, I get scared that when I open them, they'll be gone" She admits as she lifts her eyes to his. "I can't leave them, not even with you, not right now" he nods a little. Understands that she's going through some stuff.

"Okay" he assures her and lets out a breath. She cradles Ryder closer. Dean looks to where Serenity is sleeping in her basket right next to Trinity who is watching some Disney flick on Spencer's laptop. Dean looks back at his sister. "Why didn't you tell me about Serenity's hearing?" he asks her, she shrugs a little.

"I didn't want to add to everything else going on right now" she admits.

"She's my niece and you're my baby sister...it doesn't matter where I am, what I am doing, whatever the hell is going on, something like that happens....you tell me" she nods a little. "So....you have a plan?"

"Yep" she answers. "Going to do what I do best...." she adds. "I am going to research the hell out of it, and then...adjust my life accordingly"

"And when Tony comes back?" she shrugs a little.

"I tell him that I broke his daughter, we'll probably get a divorce, the kids will live with him because he has the money and the house and the stable job...."

"He's not going to break up with you" Dean scolds her. "That man is crazy about you." She hangs her head and lets out a breath. "And you didn't break Serenity, it's just one of those things that happens.....it might have been that fight with Ruby, it might not have been, it might have been something else....." she nods a little. "He's not going to blame you for what happened" Dean adds. "Because it's not your fault"

..................

Spencer does eventually cave and let Dean take Trinity out for the afternoon so she can nap, bath, just do whatever she wants to that gives her the space from her children. Sam takes the twins and keeps them occupied in Bobby's, not leaving with them, but keeping them close to appease her. She's coping the best way she can with everything happening, but that means her children need to be as close as possible, Trinity isn't that far away, only in Sioux Falls. She's just not ready to release her hold on them. Spencer takes a breath and grabs the mug of coffee from the counter. Her relaxation hadn't lasted long. Her nap and bath hadn't taken as long as she thought it would. So now she's bored and her anxiety at being away from her children is peaking.

"Mommy" Trinity states as she runs towards her mother, Spencer relaxes hearing her, turns and raises an eyebrow at the girl.

"Hey, Princess" she greets warmly. "What's got you so smiley?"

"Uncle Dean got me a rabbit" Trinity admits, Spencer looks up from her daughter and to Dean who stands in the doorway holding a rabbit in his arm.

"Oh, did he?" Spencer asks, Dean shrugs a little. Spencer crouches in front of Trinity. "Uncle Sammy is in the kitchen, why don't you go and ask him for some ice cream?" Trinity nods and hurries off. Spencer stands and takes a breath. "You got her a rabbit?" she asks Dean who nods. "Are you insane?" he frowns at her. "I'm dealing with three kids and you want to add an animal to that? You thought that was a good idea?"

"It's what she wanted, Spence" Dean defends. "I thought it might take her mind off of Tony if she had something else to concentrate on"

"She'll get bored in days and I will end up having to take care of it" She counters as she stares at the rabbit in Dean's arms. "So thank you for that" She reaches for the rabbit, Dean pulls it away from her.

"I'll set it up" he assures her. "There's space for a hutch out back, I already talked to Bobby about it....and I know you've got plenty of space back in Malibu" he explains. "This is something she was really excited about, Spencer" He adds, she sighs and slumps her shoulders. She doesn't want to take that away from her daughter. Trinity has suffered enough. She deserves this good thing.