Cadence

Euphoria

I kept tossing and turning, not sure if I've slept, from everything that happened. There I was, giddy like a school girl who had her first kiss with her crush, her ultimate favorite.

And yet I was the one who told him to just act like it didn't happen. Right Son Ye Jin, you and your classic passive-aggressive side. This refusal to deal with that kiss. That kiss that just kept me up all night.

As if heat rose from every inch of me, no longer able to control. No sense of dynamics, blurred lines between pianissimos and fortissimos, like it was soft and loud at the same time. That erratic tempo, that rubato. Running sixteenth notes and slow half notes. There was nothing but that kiss drawing me in, awakening everything in me. Whatever that was, it was pulled me in completely, the urgency of those perfect lips sinking, the way his body pressed against me, warm and untamed. If hearts could explode, mine could've detonated right at that moment.

And maybe bought a one way ticket to the Seoul Medical Center to see their hotshot Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery. Cause? Arrhythmia, irregular and fast heartbeat, caused by Maestro Hyun Bin, with just one kiss.

I arrived at the Steinway Cultural Center 20 minutes before the scheduled general rehearsal. Bin and I, including other artists did our respective run throughs smoothly. Given that our adjustments were made during our rehearsals at the university, the stage run through was just for the blocking and acoustics check. Acoustic conditions on stage are very important for musicians.

In terms of acoustics, the most important aspects for the performers on stage: 'hearing each other' – the right distance between the soloist and performer that we can adjust if necessary without breaking connection , 'reverberation' - time is the time after the source of the sound has ceased that it takes the sound to fade away,  'timbre' – the tone color, how both our instruments' can soar in balance with the other, 'dynamics' – how loud or how soft our mezzo pianos or mezzo fortes would be in this kind of concert hall. 

After the run through, all of us were led by the ushers to the artist's entrances on the way to the respective room assignments. Looking for my pianist, who seemed to have disappeared after the run through. He must be busy. He was nowhere in sight after that rehearsal. Perks of being a Steinway artist, I guess.

I walk towards the familiar artist's entrance of the cultural center, on my way up to the theater floors. I see dressing room assignments posted on the lobby. Me staying at the Green Room with female artists and performers. And while I scanned the list, I noticed Bin's name wasn't even there.

And why was I even looking for him, anyway?

I put down my things, hang my dress and keep my clarinet on the spot assigned to me. I've never occupied this dressing room in college, we'd often share the dressing room with the female orchestra members and chat endlessly before and after performances. Now being in the Green Room, I remember only my professors and other esteemed artists being in this room. How surreal. I never thought I'd occupy this room too.

My phone rings and I answer, it was Hae In, "Noona! Where are you? We're all here at harbor square!"

"For?" I asked.

I heard Han Ji Min in the background, "What else? Our tradition! Come on Yejin!"

Right, "that" tradition. Of course. Something our maestros do not know but we secretly do before our performances and concerts. It would be weird to do it now that we're the grown-ups and professionals.

I leave my things in the Green Room and make my way out of the Cultural Center. Harbour Square was right across the cultural center with a fantastic view of the Seoul harbor. It was where us musicians would hang out and drink our worries away before and after our performance.