Hold On To Me

Chapter 27

It's Saturday and Sienna is at the boxing gym fighting against a bag. Bag is losing.

"I should've known you'd be here beating the shit out of my bags"

She spins around to find herself eye-to-eye with her husband. He looks so well despite the fact that he was gone for 11 months.

"Baby?" Her eyes water as she stands frozen on the stage. Only a few steps separate her from her husband. "You're back?"

"I'm back baby" He whispers. She cries as she runs forward, jumping into his arms. He hugs her tightly burying his face in the crook of her neck. The couple stay like this for a long time until Antonio breaks the silence. "Let's go home baby girl."

**

"It's good to be home" Antonio whispers to no-one in particular. Sienna gets them both a bottle of water and the couple sit down in the garden. Sienna is quiet as she leans against him.

"Have you told Gabby that you're home?" She asks

"I called her. Jay said something happened"

She cries out of frustration and immense heartache as she relives the last week.
"Hey, hey, baby, talk to me" Antonio whispers bringing her onto his lap. He hugs her tightly as she continues crying.

"When I was shot in Afghanistan, fragments of the bullet were left in pelvis which caused sepsis. I made an appointment with the foetal surgeon at Med, it's uh, tomorrow morning. Anyway, the sepsis caused blockage in my uterus and there's a chance that to remove the blockage, they will have to take out my uterus which means I won't ever be able to get pregnant."

Antonio is silent as he takes it in, "You said we have an appointment with a foetal surgeon tomorrow? Maybe there's another way?"

She sniffs while nodding, "Yeah, maybe. It's tomorrow at 8."

Antonio kisses his wife's lips, "We'll be fine, okay, it will all be fine."

**

"Sienna, Antonio. It's good to see you" Doctor Connie Laurent welcomes them into her consulting room.

"Hey Connie"

Connie sits in her desk chair, smiling at the couple.

"I have some good news and bad news." She starts and leans forward.

"Start with the bad news doc" Antonio murmurs, taking hold of his wife's hand.

"Well, the bad news is; that the sepsis is blocking your uterus. At this moment your ovaries aren't functioning, so the chances of getting pregnant are slim"

"And the good news?" Sienna asks, not feeling a bit better than before about the situation.

"The good news is that there's a surgery we can do to make sure we won't have to do a hysterectomy but only take out the uterus to drain the sepsis, then to put it back It is considered life-threatening and no doctor will even think of going near this surgery but it can be done."

**

"You haven't said anything since we left the hospital" Sienna murmurs when they get home. Antonio frowns, pacing a hole in the hallway floor.

"I don't want a kid if it means losing you Si."

"I know" She whimpers, "I want a family with you"

"Me too" He whispers kneeling down in front of her. Sienna runs her fingers through his hair. "We can adopt or have a surrogacy or something. We don't need to do this surgery."

"It seems like such an easy decision but it's not." She whispers. "All women want to have a chance to get pregnant, you know. The first time you get morning sickness and to feel that baby kick. It must be magical, and I-I just can't make this decision so lightly."

Antonio scoffs as he stands up in a fury, "So what – you're willing to kill yourself in the process just to feel a damn baby kick?"

"That's not-"

"I can't believe you'd even consider this surgery. How fucking selfish are you?" He storms out of the house slamming the door in the process. A few seconds later she hears his car start.

Sienna groans as tears fall down her face, soon she's crying out in desperation. Why can't they just catch a break?

**

"You're an idiot man" Matt tells Antonio when he gets to Molly's. Antonio went to Molly's with the intention to clear his head and have a beer, he is lucky he gets to vent to his future brother-in-law.

"My wife wants to have life-threatening surgery so she can get pregnant when we can easily just get a surrogacy or adoption. I mean, we haven't even talked about having a family and now it's just this one big thing."

"Well, you do want a kid with her don't you?" Matt asks, taking a sip of his beer.

"Of course I do. But not like this, I can't even picture a life without her. I need her more than I need a biological kid."

Matt gives him a tiny smile, "Go home, tell your wife exactly what you just told me and use your calm voice. I promise you, Sienna loves you, she won't fight you if she knows why you're fighting her."

Matt slaps a hand on Antonio's shoulder in reassurance. "You two will make it work, you always do."

**

Antonio gets home with a bouquet of flowers and an apology cooking in his brain.

Sienna is sitting in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee when Antonio walks in. He hands her the flowers, "I'm sorry I snapped and I'm sorry I walked out on you. Can I just explain to you why?"

Siena nods, getting up to put the lilies in a vase filled with water. She then sits back down next to Antonio, smiling when he takes her hand in his.

"Before you, my focus was on my job, I never even thought of having a family someday, then I met you. That first date the moment I gave you that stuffed dolphin, I knew you were going to be my family. You are more than just my wife Si – you're just... you're everything to me. I've lost a few people in my life and it hurts but losing you will kill me. I want a family with you, I've thought of an offspring running around this house and causing havoc just like I did when I was little. I want a boy – someone I can pass the ropes to and a girl that I can threaten boys with my gun when they get near her. I've thought of all that. I've thought of you round with my child, screaming at me for touching you when you go into labour. I've thought of that. But if all that is at the cost of losing you – the most important person in my life – then I don't want that. Then I will stay without a child for the rest of my life. You're it, Sienna, you're my world. When I was undercover I sometimes had doubt that I'd make it back alive, but then I'd think of you and your beautiful dimpled smile, and I'd be fine."

Sienna has tears streaming down her face as she brings Antonio in for a long kiss. Her hands are softly cradling his cheeks as he cries as well. "Adopting or getting a surrogacy means I get both – a wife and a child."

She nods, pecking his tear-stained cheeks, "We won't do the surgery, risking everything for a possible chance of a pregnancy isn't worth it. I'm sorry I even suggested it baby."

He brings her in for a kiss filled with longing and desperation. "I love you, so much"

"I love you too Antonio." She kisses his forehead, "You know, we haven't even celebrated the fact that you're home."

"We haven't" he agrees, a smirk grazing his lips, "how is that even possible?"

"I don't know" She plays along. "Take me to bed detective."