Breaking The Bad Boy Myth

Chapter 15: fire and ice

                 Surprisingly, I found myself overwhelmed with this sense of emotion as I packed up my cubicle at seventeen. Was it nostalgia, relief, sadness? I didn't really know. I, with the help of my sisters, bought presents for everyone. Clara the racist and vibe girl were practically giddy with their spa gift cards and Brittany hid in the staff room eating up my mother's cookies. I looked at the last pink bag and sighed, not sure if I should hand it out. I mean, Reese seemed convinced that I'd feel better if I made peace with her, but I had my doubts.

               Kelly and I were like fire and ice, one of us burned and the other one melted. The simplest of conversations turned one of us into a mess, and a bit of guilt hit me as I realized I had gotten everything I wanted. I got an article published, a kick ass letter of recommendation from Marisa, and a hot new girlfriend who was actually pretty awesome. Kelly on the other hand, had lost Patrick, not gotten published, and just seemed sad. Did I blame myself? Not really.

             I realized a lot of my bad behavior was just Kelly being the marionette and mastermind over my summer identity crisis. And while I kept the hair cut but ditched the leather in favorite of a Star Wars VII promotional shirt, I could have gone without the drama.

                  She sat at her desk, boxing up her pencils and assorted items. I walked over, my gift bag toted with me.

"What do you want Kellan?" She said, not looking up.

"I...I brought your goodbye gift. I know we, we don't get along anymore. But you were my friend this summer and I got you this."

"I don't want it."

            "Oh," I said. "Well, can I ask why? I get that I didn't write the article you wanted, and things went crazy in the end. But why do you hate me? Your the one who tried to cheat with me, who talked me into changing myself, into bullying Britney. Shouldn't I be mad, Kelly? Especially after your article, I should be pissed. You treated me like some research project."

            "You were just a research project," Kelly spat. "It was always about my article, the one I really wanted to write. Having an affair can help a struggling relationship, and there is a lot of science backing up my theory. I should have been published."

"Everyone here is talented," I said. "Even Maxinne had a good article. I helped her edit it and it was good. I halfway entertained some doing DIY nail projects with my sisters."

Kelly was trying not to smile, and I wondered if she could honestly say she never liked me.

               "So we were never friends in your eyes," I said. "I was always your project, just a convenient guy to bone so you could fix up your Patrick problems?"

"Yes," Kelly said coldly. "I told you, I don't like white guys. There are reasons for that."

"Right..." I said. "Look, I don't know who he is, but I officially hate him."

"Who?" Kelly asked.

              "The jerk who messed you up," I said. "The guy who made you think cheating is a solution, and white men want to use and abuse you. Well, I guess the last one might have some historical roots. But still, your a smart, beautiful, vibrant woman. You shouldn't be this jaded and cynical."

"Please," Kelly said. "You're going to preach to me while you bang Britney? You're just like all men, ditching the decent woman for a dumb blond with nice tits."

                  "Well, she does have those," I said. "But Britney is a nice girl. We actually have a lot in common. The main reason I am with her is that she calls me on my shit, and challenges me to be better. Whereas you, you were always pushing me to the other side. I really liked you Kelly, but I didn't like the man you made me become."

"So it is my fault you lost Sasha?"

                  "No," I said. "But I think it made it easier for you to push me away if I met your expectations. They call it a self fulfilling prophecy. If a guy breaks your heart because you make it impossible not to, you never have to be really vulnerable."

"I never wanted you Kellan," she said. "It was truly all an act."

             I just nodded because I didn't believe her. I'd never believe her. But I did have the desire to move on, and I had. Perhaps I never expected to fall for Britney, but I was happy. I was one Kellan, no two faced lies or games. And somehow, Britney was becoming clearer too. I put the present on the desk and stared at Kelly.

               "Open the damn bag, Kelly."

"Nope."

"Do it," I said. "Or I'll stay here. Please, if you liked me even a fraction of a second this summer, open it."

"Fine," Kelly said, angrily gripped the tissue paper.

She pulled out the clean frame and looked at me.

                "What is this?" She asked.

"It's a photo frame, one designed to showcase documents," I said. "It's a nice one too. I bought this shit at pottery barn."

"Why?" Kelly asked.

"Because I know we won't be in touch," I said, sighing. "Too much has happened. But someday you're going to be published, hopefully someplace better than here. And when you frame your first published article and hang it up, I wanted to be there in spirit."

              "You think I'll get published," she said, her voice a bit shaky.

"I think you're talented and smart," I said. "And if you stop playing games and start being honest, then it's a possibility. And when you do, I hope I get to read whatever you write."

Kelly just nodded and sighed.

"I was wrong about you," she said. "You're not just an asshole, Kellan. You're a good guy, and I ruined you."

               "You can't ruin a person," I said. "And you're not ruined either. Patrick or no Patrick, you'll be fine Kelly."

"Thanks," Kellan said.

We were interrupted when Clara-the-racist barged in and yelled.

"Kellan! Britney won't share her cookies. Your girlfriend is going to get fat if she keeps eating."

               "Maybe that's my plan," I laughed. "I look a nice round booty."

"Oh shut up," Kelly said, giggling. "You can't pull off the bad boy act without my help, and you know it."

"Well, that's true," I said.

"Thanks Kellan," Kelly said. "And for what it's worth, you and Britney are nice together. You guys have that thing, the spark. It bugs me but it's true."

             "Thanks, " I said. "Good luck at school next year."

"Good luck at the Wall Street Journal," Kelly said. "If they hire you, I might actually read that shit."

          I just nodded and walked away, leaving Kelly smiling. And for once I had to admit something, something I hated. My sister was right. Closure felt good, and maybe that was how life should go. I'd never make peace with some people, namely Lisa, but Kelly and I were on good terms. Now I could say goodbye and live out my life, a life with no regrets.