Fleeting Thoughts

God knows best.

You are not here anymore, you can't help me as I can't help you. I am as useful to you as you are to me. For moral support maybe but as we don't talk about our problems over the phone it is completely useless. We just let ourselves enjoy those few minutes of pure joy without corrupting them with daily life situations. So the only things we talk about are the problems we are both going to have to face in the future. We once weren't this close and both had our own person to rely on, coincidently it was the same one. I won't say who but you'll know. Before everything, it was all simple, but now everything is different. Our lives changed incredibly. We were once both innocent but forced to grow up gradually but still faster while we faced all the situations we had too. Once we were simple acquaintances but now the turn of events made us friends. Friends forever. Someday, we wish life would be simpler but that day is far away yet we do not lose HOPE. As HOPE is the only that is left for us. And the faith in God, that all will change for the best no matter what we live through now. You once thought after she left elsewhere that no matter what happens you'll always have one person you could always rely on: your mom. But then again you were wronged as she made you go through pain you should have never felt. Your career was ruined by her and her kids and your life destroyed piece by piece by her husband. After all that, you came to the conclusion that maybe you were unlovable, maybe you were just born to serve, some kind of robot you said.. You came to doubt if your mother did in fact love you? You were betrayed by the ones you trusted the most. Yet after all you have been through you still care about them, love them like you did, you just don't quite understand why they always ended up hurting you. Was it because you were smaller? Or because you tried to help them find solutions? Was it because you wanted to be like them: Human. You wanted to be loved as you love and cherish them. You are still loyal and love them but you lost the trust that was once there. When you met me again and discovered more about me you were surprised to find that I was honest. You questioned me about my father as you did to her other children. You found me maturer than the other two and started to trust me. Your mom once told me that before we came you never smiled or laughed any more, you were becoming exactly as you described me: a robot. She was grateful that we came not only because of that, also because the atmosphere became lighter, everything around seemed beautiful and the best part of all was that every single person there was genuinely HAPPY. But you could never trust me fully, not with all those scars you had and still do. I understand why it's difficult, but I'm still happy because even trough all that you still let yourself be happy at least for a few moments. But the date was coming by closer and closer every day. The day we left was as always heart-wrenching but still you were happy with the fact she had brought her kids. So now here we are, separated by who knows how many miles? We still have each other yet we don't use that connection any more. Sometimes it's unfair but who are we to complain God knows best.

---Kiddo

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