plaything || harry styles au

chapter 13

"I want out, Harry."

The four words that shattered the world. Everything is burning down in a ball of fire. You and Harry have been lost in your own little world for so long, now everything is crashing to pieces.

You don't want to leave. You love him, but you need a break. The length of the break is a mystery, but everything is so overwhelming.

Harry stares at you with tears spilling out of his eyes, "you're leaving me? After one fight?"

You break his gaze and watch your feet, "Harry, you put your hands on me after one fight. You didn't even give me a chance to explain myself." Anger starts to take over the sadness, the five stages of grief have already began and taken a new step. All you see is red hot frustration, "you're too caught up in your fucking ego to stop and listen to anybody else! All you care about is yourself. I'm done, Harry. I'm leaving."

You shove Harry outside again and lock the door. Nothing is taken from the closet. You grab some a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that you brought when you moved in, all your toiletries, and an old pair of sneakers.

Harry is wrecking his design room. Rolls of fabric are tipped over, strewn across the floor. Ripped pages from design sketches float through the room as Harry shreds them apart. His head is pounding and ears ringing as he yells and cries. His career has caused him to lose connection with the real world. He ruined the first real love connection he's ever felt, might as well start destroying his career too.

The clatter from the destruction and cries echo through the house. You leave behind practically everything Harry has bought you, even your phone. Luckily you kept your old one in a drawer in case of an emergency. The only thing you take that he bought you is a copy of The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. His favorite romance movie, especially when he can watch it with you. He bought you the book after the first time you watched it together. The pages are riddled with small commentary from him, underlined sentences that he found important, and sticky notes with cute reminders that he loves you. You know that reading them will break your heart over and over again, but you cherish that book so much. It holds a much deeper meaning than you realize.

Harry hears the door to the bedroom slam and clambers out of the design room. You're already heading down the stairs so he starts to chase after you.

"Ivy, please don't leave me. Please." He's crying harder than you've ever seen. It breaks your heart, as if it could break any more. You hate seeing him hurt, but he hurt you. You need to stand up for yourself.

His voice is behind you, but you don't look back. You go down the stairs as fast as you can while dialing your best friend's number. Thankfully she answers and you burst into tears again. Without hesitation, she tells you she's on her way to pick you up and bring you back home.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?" She asks during the drive back. The sky is dark and cloudy, almost as sad as your eyes. You stare lifelessly out the window and shake your head. Your roommate reaches across the console and rests her hand on your thigh to rub comforting circles with her thumb. "We'll talk when you're ready, honey. Take your time."

You sniffle and nod, never looking at her. Crying is something you hate doing in front of people. With Harry, it was easy because he was so comforting. Your best friend is the same, gentle and caring, but you hate burdening her. She has her own problems. A single mother making ends meet by working at a high end gentlemen's club. Her positivity about her situation and life is something you admire dearly.

"Jessie, did I make a mistake?" You croak out as she pulls into the complex.

She looks at you with furrowed brows, "you acted on instinct. You had a subconscious reason behind your actions, whether you know it or not. If you think it was a mistake, take some time to reflect on it. If you think you did the right thing, trust your gut. Take some time and think about how you really feel about Harry. I can tell how much you love him. If he loves you the same way, he'll figure his shit out and fight for you."

The truth behind her words leaves you speechless. She's absolutely right and you know it. Let Harry fight for you, you've already been fighting for him.

You and Jessie say hi to her mom as she leaves the apartment. Since Jessie can't afford a babysitter, her mom always watches her son when she has to go out.

"Vivi!" Your little blonde haired godson yells when he sees you.

"Leo!" The 6 year old jumps into your arms for a big hug.

It feels like the clock has turned back, the routine of Jessie cooking dinner and having a family movie night afterwards gives you a sense of nostalgia. This was a common pattern on the apartment, usually on nights when you were both off of work.

Your phone has been silent the whole night. No texts, no calls, no Harry. Maybe he doesn't love you like you thought.

Leo stays on your lap through the movie and eventually falls asleep. You escape to your room to change into pajamas while Jessie puts him to bed. You expected her to turn your old room into Leo's own room, but she didn't. Did she want to keep your room because she wanted the memory or because she expected you to come back? You'll never know and she'll never tell, so you shake the thought away.

The middle of the bed dips as you sit and pull your knees to your chest, burying your face in them. Tears don't fall, but your breathing is deep. Memories of Harry flash through your mind. A golden sunset dress, watermelon popsicles, peanut butter sandwiches, silk nightgowns and blindfolds. It hurts, it aches, it tears you apart. You heart physically hurts, it's throbbing. You don't know if you want to cry or scream. Maybe both.

A knock on the door pulls your head up to see Jessie looking at you with her bright brown eyes, "hey, honeybun. How you feeling?"

That question is the only thing needed to let the tears fall. They break through your wall of resistance and soak your face. All too soon, sobs shake your body. Jessie is by your side in a matter of seconds, holding your body close and hushing you.

"He hasn't tried talking to me. I know I would ignore him, but I at least want him to care. Fuck, I made a mistake. I love him." Your voice is muffled from your face being pressed into your best friend's chest.

"Give him time, babes. He's hurting just like you. I'm sure he regrets everything. Get some rest, I gotta get back to bed before Leo notices I'm gone." She plants a kiss on your forehead and gives you one more tight squeeze before leaving you alone once again.

The book in your nightstand drawer is screaming at you. Begging for you to read it. Calling for you to scan over all of Harry's markings on the pages. You cave and grab it, opening to a random page.

"You are, and always have been, my dream." Feel the same way about you, Kitten. My dream, my love.

Harry's handwriting is sloppy and neat at the same time. Some of the letters run together, some written in a smaller size than others. You love the way he writes his L's in a cursive fashion, long thin loops. The ink is darker on your name, his hand becoming heavy as he writes the nickname he loves so much. You'll never know how much he truly adores you.

You flip through the pages again and land on a certain part of an underlined quote that sends chills through your body.

"I love you. I am who I am because of you."

Everything hurts. Your aching heart is causing your body to ache as well. You love Harry with every fiber of your being.

Tears stain the pages of the book, which is a sign you need to put it away. You flinch when the book slaps on the floor and you kick it under the bed. Out of sight, out of mine.

You turn all the lights off and lay in bed. Sleep is another thing you won't get tonight. No Harry, no happiness, and now no sleep. You keep your eyes fixed on the ceiling as silent droplets seep from the corners of them.

You forgot how terrible and cold it feels to sleep alone.

****

Hi everyone!! Hope you're all having an amazing week. Do you guys like the name Ivy? I wasn't sure about naming the character but I knew I didn't want to use (Y/N), so I decided to try out the name. Thank you for all the support :) TPWK

- kate :)