Dear Diary

12\24\14

Dear Diary,
The blade is right beside me, I don't want to use it, but I also do. I thought that some of my problems would go away since it was Christmas break, but no, more problems have erupted like a volcano at my house. There's mom yelling about money and crap, then dad never pays attention to us, and my sister's been calling me fat. My brother doesn't do anything but sit and watch the show we call 'our family'. I'm surprised he hasn't whipped out a bowl of popcorn while our mum hollered at pur dad. After she finished hollering at him, she started hollering at us saying that we never helped around the house and that if it wasn't for CPS we'd all be out on the streets.

I cut again today, I didn't mean for it to be so deep. Although I hardly ever felt the pain... I need help. I'm a girl who's depressed, has an anxiety disorder, and self-harms. Yep, perfect daughter over here. And what makes my depression even worse is that I know my 'friends' talk behind my back, and it feels like they're trying to avoid me.

Lately I've been listening to Black Veil Brides, they're awesome, and their music always suites my mood. People may call them emo, but to me they're normal. I love their songs In The End and Faithless they're my favorite to listen to. I also listen to Ed Sheeran, he rules. I love his song Thinknong Out Loud, I was thinking about singing it for the talent show next year, but of course I probly won't because of all the girls who will judge me, but I'll do it anyway because I like to sing. I've been working on a new song, but I can't seem to find the right lyrics mainly because all my song has that one line that's always the same.

I used to now a girl who'd wear braceleta on her arm, she never took them off. And now come to think of it, I never even wondered until now, if she cuts.

Well, it's past 2:00 AM, I better get some sleep, write tomorrow, hopefully. ~AJ