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Why do we all try so hard,
When we know that it makes no difference?
Why must we all try so hard,
At something we've never been good at?
We all try so hard at things that we know never helps,
Because we all think we can suceed at them.

Dear Diary,
It's only been a few days since I haven't cut, but to me it feels like eternities. I want to cut, but thankfully I have no blade, I threw them all away. I half regret it, half thankful that I came up with the idea of throwing them away. Although when I feel the need to cut I always curl myself into a ball and listen to Ed Sheeran, he helps take my mind off of the dreadful thoughts. It feels good to write this all down again.

I just now realized this, but what am I going to do in the summer? My family loves to go to the lake, and I have scars on my body that I can't hide with a bathing suite, plus I can't wear one I'm too ashamed of my body... I don't know how I'll hide the a scars, and I'm scared what they'll think me if they found out.

I think that it's weird how I do want my friends and family to know about my self-harming, I want hem to help me get through the tuff times. I know I shouldn't care about what people say of me, but I honestly do care, I hate that people judge me for me, or what I do!! Why are people so judgmental? I hate it that humanity is so cruel. I also hate it that the things and lies I most believe comes from the demon inside my head, I know that I'm not supossed to be hurting myself to try and hurt it, but to me it's like the only way for the bad thoughts to go away sometimes.

I've got to go, I'll write agipain tomorrow, hopefully.
                                                                                                         ~A.J.

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