FORCE | topper thornton

EIGHT

"Mom, seriously!? Today's the funeral, I'm not leaving her alone." I heard from outside my bedroom door, it's the day of the funeral, two days since he died, we wanted to get it done as quick as possible. Topper hasn't left since that day, he had Kelce bring him some stuff from his house, my parents didn't care that Topper was here, they knew he was the only thing getting me through the days. Kie felt extremely guilty when I told her what happened, she felt how I did, like we could've done something. Everyone loved my brother, no one has ever met him and not loved him. The rest of the guys were saddened too, even Rafe and Kelce knew he was a good guy. "Hey, babe." Topper smiled at me when he walked back into my room, he had just finished arguing with his mom, I could tell by the way he was running a hand through his hair. "Hi." I replied quietly, I was starting to feel better, although I knew it wouldn't last once I changed into my black dress in a couple hours. "How are you feeling?" Topper placed a hand on my cheek, rubbing it reassuringly, he was so sweet. "Better." I sat up in the bed, rubbing the sleep from my sore puffy eyes. I pulled Topper down to give him a kiss, I sighed in content when I pulled away, resting my forehead against his. He's done so much for me the past two days, it's really brought us close together, emotionally for sure, we've both cried over the last couple of days. I felt bad for Topper because he's been doing all this for me, and I've barely given him the time of day. "Thank you." I pecked him once more, he pulled his eyebrows together in confusion, "for what, baby?" He sat in front of me on the bed. "For being here, for helping me through all of this." I whispered, softly smiling at him. "You don't have to thank me, I want to be here for you." He assured me, looking towards my bedroom door as it opened, my dad walked in, giving us a once over, he looked exhausted, he's hardly eaten in the past few days, despite my moms protest. Topper has forced me to at least eat toast since I've been so nauseous. "You're going to have to start getting ready soon, we have to be there early." My dad muttered before walking out, not speaking another word.

I gave Topper a sigh before forcing myself to get up, "I'm going to shower." I mumbled, yawning as I grabbed a towel out of the closet, "alright." Topper laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, normally if I said that he'd crack a joke about joining me, and the fact that he didn't shows how devastated we all are. I stood under neath the water, silently crying, my salty tears mixing with the water as I rinsed the shampoo from my hair. I shut the water off, climbing out and drying my body, wrapping a robe around me and the towel on my hair, I stepped out into my room, going wide eyed when I saw Topper in the middle of changing. I mean it's nothing I haven't seen before, he's not naked. I took the chance of him having his back to me and gave him a good once over, "like what you see, Holmes?" He quipped, how did he-my mirror. I blushed feverishly as I walked to my vanity, sitting in front of and deciding to go for waterproof mascara and lipstick, anything else would just cry itself away. This time I caught him staring at me in the mirror, but I just gave him a soft smile. "Thank you." I spoke again, he just shook his head walking up beside me, tucking his shirt into his black pants. "Stop thanking me." He sighed, smiling at me in the mirror, watching as I carefully swiped the mascara onto my lashes. I returned the gesture before standing up, ushering him out so I can change, "out." I laughed lightly pushing him, "can I finish buttoning my shirt?" He quipped with a laugh as he stumbled out into the hall.

I pulled the black dress down over my skin, it had spaghetti straps, so I pulled a cardigan on over it, leaving it open. "You can come in!" I called, turning towards the door, Topper walked in with a smile, "can you help me with my tie?" He questioned, I laughed at him. "What kind of kook boy doesn't know how to do a tie?" I looked up at him as I took the black tie in my hands, wrapping it around his neck. "You know you're putting a lot of trust in me to not strangle you right now." I joked, biting my tongue in concentration as I successfully got it on the first try. "I trust you with my life, Kenzie Holmes." He muttered, giving me a quick kiss, "ready?" He met my eyes. I nodded, "ready as I'll ever be."

***

Topper and I rode with my parents to the service, I didn't release my hold on his hand the whole ride there. He kept squeezing it occasionally through out the drive, trying to reassure me that I'll get through this, and I know that I will but it doesn't seem like it right now. "Here we go." I whispered, climbing out of the car, Topper came around and grabbed my hand once more as we saw all of our friends together. I couldn't believe the sight in front of me, Kelce and Rafe peacefully talking with my group of friends, I looked to Topper in shock, he shrugged. We walked up to them and I was overwhelmed by the amount of love I felt as they all wrapped their arms around me, Kie first, then Pope and JJ adding themselves to the hug, John B, Sarah, Rafe and Kelce joining, Topper of course was right in the middle with me. "I'm sorry, Kenzie, I should've listened to you." Kie cried into my hair, "no, don't do that, it's a horrible feeling, I don't want you to feel that." I cried in return, our bodies shaking as we cried for each other, for Logan. "I'm sorry." Everyone spoke at one time or another, still being enveloped in the hug. We slowly started separating, we had to go to our seats, while they did, but I stayed with my parents, greeting people as they arrived. "Pete, I'm so sorry." Ward Cameron spoke, shaking my fathers hand, I never liked him, but I shrugged it off, giving him a light handshake, greeting Rose as well. It went like this for what felt like an eternity, finally we were able to go to our seats in the front of the church. I heard the church door creak open and I glanced back, Zoe came and sat in the very back row, I gave her a soft smile as she caught me looking at her, I regret what I said to her, those words could haunt her for the rest of her life.

It was my turn to speak, I wasn't nervous to speak, I was nervous to cry in front of this whole room full of people. Topper gave me a reassuring smile the whole time.

"My brother was a great man, I've never known anyone who met him and didn't love him. He cared about everyone around him, he was always there for me when I needed him and when I didn't even know I needed him." I let out a breathy laugh, "I know he's in a better place now, and I hope we all can go on to keep him alive in our hearts." I walked down the steps, feeling everyone's eyes on me, I reached the seat and surprisingly didn't cry, I've began to go numb. Well that's what I thought until we moved to the cemetery, watching the casket get lowered into the ground was gut wrenching, Topper had his arm around me, comforting me as I cried, but he knew there were no words to ease this pain. "Come with me." I mumbled, walking hand in hand with Topper as I went to pull a flower out of the arrangement, tossing it down onto the casket, everyone else following suit. "It's going to be okay." Topper whispered in my hair, placing a soft kiss to the side of my head, now the worst part is hosting everyone at our home, I'll never understand why that is a thing, just let us go home and mourn in peace.