Markers

Chapter 15

Ignorance. I've come to realise the word has deeper meaning than just stupidity. There's a reason it's comprised mainly of the word ignore.

The inability to retain information and the continuous decision to ignore it makes all the difference between ignorance and disability.

For example I can smile every broken smile and crumble before his feet but Drake will still be oblivious or seemingly so if it has nothing to do with work.

I can do just about the same thing and the brothers will still look at me like I am that same shiney girl they first met.

They are unable to recognize the pain they cause. If anything they believe that they only want to make me better. Iron out what they believe to be my imperfections. In some twisted way, they love me or care which ever...

But their presentation of affection in turn became twisted. All of it was ignorance though and ignorance had  begotten me.

A sad angry woman who wants nothing but to be seen. Pain couldn't do it, if anything it prompted people to look away. Now it's time I formulated a new plan.

I painted my smile in red lipstick. And I used the pain. Turned it into a weapon to kill any semblance of that stupid girl who couldn't recognize a monster when she saw one.

That girl wouldn't ever be able to do what I will. So I killed her and now I will avenge the memory of her. I don't know how long I've been staring at my reflection before I turned away. When I did Landen was behind me.

His angelic features smiling at the reflection of me, "lipstick?"

He advanced towards me
His plump pink lips kissing at a bruise I had just covered up.

" You look beautiful."

I looked up at him, staring into his eyes. The green in them filling me with something akin to rage.

'I would love to just rip them from his skull.'

I wanted to shove his hands away from my skin when they rested on my waist.

Being held by him was such a distinct feeling. Like loosing myself. Strange even now that I felt empty, stolen. Like I had anything to loose.

My fingers itched. Itched to do something. Anything really but not stand still. I didn't want to wait.

His hand slipped around my throat and squeezed lightly. His lips landed on mine immediately after. The action reminded me of a well timed punch.

I moved as though my whole body remembered the feeling.

He growled when I pulled away from him and brought be back. Kissing me deeply.

I didn't fight him, 'it's my turn to take the wheel now.'

My hands bunched at his chest as though to steady myself. Pull him closer? Yet somehow I found myself pushing him away.

I used all my strength, the weight of my whole body yet he didn't budge. The action however did push me away and I stumbled as though I were shocked with my actions.

I fully expected the slap and when it came it blinded me for a moment. He chuckled to himself, "I'm getting tired of you Tsegofatso. What did we say huh? Behave. Where is the difficulty in that?"

I didn't interrupt him. Not because I didn't want to but because it had been instilled in me never to speak out of turn.

To such an extent that I could almost physically feel the pain I would be rewarded simply by thinking of defiance.

But I did speak, "I am not a dog," I said almost hesitantly, "that is the difficulty."

I knew what my words would get me but I'd tried leaving. They wouldn't let me, I always knew this. Now I have memories to prove it. I feel as though I'm ripping at the seams.

"Be careful." He always said that. He always said it when he'd reached his limits. When he had to stop himself from reacting.

"Hit me." I all but screamed, "I -,"

His fist slammed into my face and knocked me over. He lifted me by hair. He brought us face to face.

"Be... careful...," his voice was deep in that unnatural way. He wasn't one  I ignored.

"Why?" My fingers touched his face and it smudged with my blood, "I... can't bring myself to do it anymore."

To be careful. The consequences come regardless red is his favorite colour I think. After black. Where is the use in being careful?

I brought our faces closer still, "I...,"

"Sleep." He looked into my eyes and darkness descended.

A dream. I had a dream. I had a dream and this is what happened: I saw my life flash before my eyes...

The irony of that, the total unfairness. I ran from my home because I knew exactly how my life played out.

So I run to America. Begging hoping for new experiences. For a life I hadn't lived. And now. I could have laughed of the tears didn't beat every ounce of energy from me.

I saw everything from the moment I opened my eyes to the moment I never do again. But I can only remember so much.

I rember Landen and Logan. Drake... Stephanie and every waking moment of them. Of us. I... had a son. A boy with my eyes. My dark pools and I loved him. He doesn't even exist yet and I already know.

He never would have existed had I stayed in SouthAfrica and I don't know if he ever would have in any other reality or existence.

But I know more. I know how much pain Landen and Logan will give me for so long. I can barely contain the terror. How terrified I am now that I know what they are capable of. They're monsters.

Literal monsters. They aren't human...

I opened my eyes and the dream slipped away from me. Every moment of my life until the day I die. A new path, that's what America has brought me.

I can vaguely remember him. The dream slipped and he did also but I know he will exist. I sighed and moved to sit up but strong arms restrained me.

Oh... Logan. I don't know how I got in bed. But it makes a lot more sense now that I did. They can do that, make people do things they dont want to.

I knew he wasn't asleep. I spoke, "can you... let go, please."

"Nightmare?" I jumped at the sound of his voice. I may not remember everything but there are some things one can't unsee. The pain he subjects me to is one.

The sound of his voice is like a splash of cold water on me, 'it's real. He's real I'm real.'

His voice reminds me of pain I can't quiet place in my memory. I will myself to speak, "Yes. Can I... go. I need the bathroom."

"I'll come with you."

'You're not stable Angel. Landen told me what happened.'

"You're not stable Angel. Landen told me what happened."

I wanted to scream. I didn't though, "Okey....