3:00 am | on hold

evlewt

It was then I realized how important Rowan was to me; the only person left that I really cared about.

He was different. He was home, and I was beyond grateful to have met him that night.

I left because I wanted to find peace, and here he was. For too long I had been searching for something I thought I was missing, when all this time what I needed to do was to just go with the flow and wait to be found. He was the person I never knew I needed.

"I thought I wasn't going to see you again," I murmured, burying my face onto his shoulder. The early sun seemed to wrap us in a thick blanket of warmth.

Tears sprung to my eyes as his grip around me tightened like he didn't want to let me go. And as the times we had spent together flashed before my vision, I clung to him as if my life depended on it.

I didn't care. All I knew was I wanted to stay with him forever.

"I'm always by your side even if I'm not there, remember that." He gave me a small smile, his fingers delicately wiping the tear off my cheek. Then he whispered, "I'm glad you're feeling better, don't cry now."

'Do you even know him well?' My mind then echoed as I smiled up at him. 'He's still a stranger, you know.'

It snapped me out of my trance, and I stumbled out of Rowan's hold with a pounding chest. His hazel eyes were wide open in shock as he stepped forward in hesitation, his arms hanging limp at his sides.

"Are you okay?"

I couldn't speak. My mind spun with thoughts as I stared at his alarmed face, the world around me tilting. It was different now. Suddenly, everything about him looked foreign to me.

His short curly hair ruffling in the light breeze, the hazel eyes it flopped over that were currently filled with confusion and his lips that were tilted down to a frown... It dawned on me that what I knew about him was next to nothing.

My chest only felt heavier at the realization. I didn't know whether to be uncertain because his background was still unknown to me, or to be ashamed because I never gave him the chance to open up.

It was always me, and me, and me.

But before I could think more into it, his fingers gripped my own, his touch light and hesitant as if he could hear the thoughts running in my mind.

"I can see the look in your eyes, snap out of it." I heard him say.

I inhaled a sharp breath and let myself calm down, meeting his gaze. I forced a smile at him and blinked back the tears blurring my vision. "Okay."

I rested on the bench and watched him do the same, but I couldn't help but notice how he left a bigger space between us like he didn't want to be near me. My cheeks burned in embarrassment, feeling the tension in the air.

It's time.

"About what I needed to tell you..." I broke the silence, letting my fingers skim over the cool chain around my neck. His gaze trailed downwards before he looked back at me with a small comforting smile.

I hesitated before speaking.

"I'll start at the beginning." I swallowed the lump on my throat. "I had a twin sister named Kaitlyn. We both looked alike, but I was very different from her. My parents were aware of that and my mother favored her over me. It was fine since we stayed close and Kaitlyn didn't let it hinder our sibling relationship. Everything was okay, and I was content with what I had. Until weeks ago."

I gazed upwards and blinked back my tears.

"It's okay, you're here and it's what matters." Rowan was looking at me, and his eyes were soft and understanding. He was the first one to look at me like that.

"S-She got into a car accident." I forced myself to say, and the burning pain in my chest was something I couldn't ignore. I shut my eyes as a whimper slipped past my lips. "She was rushed to the hospital but it was minutes too late and she didn't make it..."

I shook my head, and the words fell off my lips like a water dam that was long overfilled.

"She was my twin. We grew up together, and I... I couldn't bear it. Anything but that. The pain was too much and it almost tore my heart apart. But what I didn't know was there was more to come. Everything happened so fast, Rowan."

I wanted to stop, but my shoulders were heavy. Too heavy, and there was something inside of me that told me I needed to let it all out before it was too late.

Time was something I couldn't afford to waste, and I should know that the most.

"Father wanted me to take Kaitlyn's place because he suspected that if mother learned about what happened, it would be too much for her. I didn't know what to do, and the request was too much. But deep inside of me, I knew he was right. I thought about it and weighed my options. Was I willing to risk it all?"

I didn't need to answer the question, the still silence that followed was enough. And he knew.

Rowan's face was filled with understanding when he whispered, "Honestly, you're the strongest person I know. I'm so proud of you for holding on."

His words brought a strange warmth in my chest, and in a way I couldn't understand, I felt complete. There was a sense of fulfillment blooming inside of me as I smiled at him through my tears.

Is this what being appreciated feels like?

Kaitlyn loved me. She did what she could to make me feel better and I was grateful for it. I adored everything she had done, but there were times when I would think back to the times mother would constantly compare me to her, and things suddenly seemed different.

She had a sense of superiority over me and I couldn't ignore that fact. I felt pressured to catch up with her whenever we were together, and it didn't matter how many times I tried to convince myself that it wasn't true, because her comfort wasn't enough for me.

There was a bitter taste in my mouth as the thought repeated itself in my mind: I was never contented.

"It must be really hard for you to shoulder all of this," Rowan said. "I'm glad you built up the courage and told me about it."

I pushed the voice at the back of my head and looked down on my lap. "I've been thinking about it last night and I want to know what you think I should do, is that alright?"

A brief look of surprise flitted past his features. "Me? Are you sure?"

I bit my lip, heat rushing up my cheeks. "Yeah, I trust you."

Rowan acknowledged the comment with a smile, but there was a sense of uneasiness etched to it. I swallowed the lump in my throat and waited anxiously for his answer.

"I think you should tell her the truth, as early as now. It'll be much harder if you both continue to keep it a secret, because your mother will know it eventually and it won't sit well with her, you know? She has the right to know about your sister too, no matter what your father says. I hope you think about this." He gave me a pained smile.

I let out a deep breath, and my chest felt lighter all of a sudden. I was already expecting his answer, and he was right. As always.

At that moment, as I thought about everything over and over, things suddenly seemed simple. All I needed to do was to just tell my mother and go against my father's request.

The consequences would come later, but it was fine. I would do it for all of us.