First long term boyfriend, still together today. I met him at an educational camp I went to in June 2019, the first night of the camp, previous campers visited and explained how it was for them. I saw him, I thought he was really cute. I didn't talk to him, but he knew my friend (he used to have feelings for her) and said hello by dipping a french fry into a glass of Pepsi, saying "Do you come here often?" He was funny too, he's a keeper. The night ended, and time went on to gift me a gem in which I took for granted, then life went on. It was September, and there was a reunion for the campers, and a close friend I made during camp was there, I saw him and hugged him. One of my female friends that was a grade above me was there, and invited us over to her table, and the boy from a year ago was there, sitting with another girl and guy. We sat over there, and I stared at the boy the whole time, I thought he was so cool and funny, handsome too. Me and my male friend tagged along with the group the rest of the night, and did what the counselors planned. At the end, our parents were going to pick us up, and we were all still grouped together. My parents came, and I hugged my male friend, my female friend, the other female in the group, then I went to high five the other guys, and the boy ended up hugging me, which I quickly hugged back, my face reddening a little. I ended up doing the same with the other male in the group, except awkwardly asking if he wanted a hug or high five then doing both because my mother was right there. I waved goodbye, got in the car, and told my parents about the boy. My mom and stepdad laughed about it, but I knew I liked him. Later that year in December, I asked my female friend for his number, ended up getting it and telling him I'd like to be his friend. We didn't talk until he wished me a Merry Christmas and sent me memes. We ended up playing Minecraft together, I introduced my best friend (female) and he introduced his best friend (male), we all ended up playing Minecraft together for the next couple of months. Me and him eventually got together with our best friends getting us to shoot our shot, and everything was peachy, it was perfect. He had almost all female friends, I didn't pay attention to it. We talked day and night, and I ended up telling him about my heartbreak, he was angry. He ended up finding more details about it and was furious at the heartbreaker, he said to watch out for a murder in my city. I was overwhelmed by a relief that he'd actually protect me, even if it was too much. Life continued, then quarantine was put into place. He was fine at first, but ended up unraveling slowly. Becoming irritable and mentally unstable. We ended up having little arguments, we got over it. They later grew in size to the point where I felt my insides folding in on itself with the sheer intense worry he was causing me. I still liked him, but it was starting to degrade with my emotional stability. We ended up fighting every week, and I had been asking my best friend for help, because I had no idea what to do and I didn't want to lose him. We ended up asking his best friend what to do because he knew him best, and they ended up helping me with the later arguments, without my boyfriend knowing. I felt and still feel guilty about it, it felt as if I was turning his best friend against him, but who else could I have asked for help? The arguments continued, until my boyfriend disconnected himself from the group and Minecraft. Arguments continued. He ended up apologizing, saying he could see me degrading. He had also been saying that he was falling in love with me, saying this to get me not to argue with him and explain to him that I'm also falling, just not there yet. I'm afraid to inform that I was not falling in love, I was starting to lose feelings as I fell apart. He then escalated to cutting his best friend off, blocking him. The rest of us were shocked, but even more shocked when my boyfriend tried to get me to cut him off too. He painted his best friend as evil, as someone who deserves to be left in the dust. I refused, knowing the information from both his best friend and him. My boyfriend was furious, ignoring me and talking vaguely and worrying me like he always does during an argument. Trying to guilt me and manipulate me. He was a self admitted manipulator, telling me he will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. A loved teacher of mine died on April 28, 2020. Me and my boyfriend were in the middle of an argument, and I didn't tell him about it, I grieved alone that day, and ended up telling him about it a day later. He got mad at me for not telling him, he was passive aggressive to me and my best friend, who was closer to the teacher more than I was. The anger from him getting mad at me for not telling him my teacher died still lingers. Little arguments continued, my mother had an issue and had to get surgery, he straightened up for a couple of days, it gave me a false sense of hope. Then he began becoming more irritable, getting mad whenever I did anything that involved somebody except him. Three days ago in the ending of May 2020, I had my best friends over (both female) to catch up and have some fun. He got upset, of course, but at this point I was desensitized to it, I didn't care and I didn't let it ruin my girl time. He ignored me for the rest of the day, the day after, and the third day on Sunday, I tried to be lighthearted by saying "Good morning 😂" at 2:40 pm, he said "It's not morning", I said "It is for me 😂", he said "That's not my fault", then I said "Oh okay" and left it at that. I have said goodnight to him every night, and I did so that night too, and he has been ignoring me ever since. I kept reaching out, trying to make sure he was alright, he eventually responded saying that he hasn't been talking to me because of family happenings and two things which were very vague, leaving me to kill myself from the inside with my dumb overthinking and paranoia. I don't know if I even have feelings for him anymore, all he is causing me is pain but I don't want to leave him all alone without anybody to talk to, I'm his first girlfriend and he's my first long term boyfriend. I'm a shell of my former self, me and my best friend were talking about it outside in my yard and she said that I used to be so bubbly and now I have learnt that not everyone will give happiness or something like that, I don't remember. We ended up talking for hours, leading me to remember my first boyfriend, and realizing I made a huge mistake, not just in giving up a boy that would've never hurt me, never made me cry so much to where the only symptom of me crying is tears pouring from my eyes, no shaky voice, no heavy breathing, no shaking, just an empty feeling in my chest and stomach and a throbbing head. The first boyfriend wouldn't have done this to me. He wouldn't have gotten mad at me for telling him about my teacher's death a day later, he wouldn't have made me feel that I shouldn't tell him. Coach (the teacher went by coach, since he was a coach for multiple sports) would tell me to leave my boyfriend, he was so protective of the girls in his classes. I miss him, he'd help me out. My first boyfriend would've helped me out. I'm so mad, I'm so frustrated, furious, and angry. My boyfriend, the guy I should be able to tell everything to, my safe space and protector, is hurting me more than my father's suicide (I was very young, so his death didn't sink in as hard, it's sad.) That's funny, my boyfriend is hurting me more than my father killing himself, more than being led on and lied to, more than me hating myself for breaking an innocent guy who deserves the world. But my boyfriend has had a bad past, I don't know if it's made him like this or if quarantine is making him go crazy.
