My first short term boyfriend, we started off as friends in a chat, some time in the end of May, early June. I ended up telling the chat about my heartbreak, they all comforted me, and he did that and told a bit about his experience. He had a toxic relationship, and has had bad luck with love. The chat shared memes one night, and he laughed so hard he passed out. I stayed on the call until 4 or 5 am, after everyone else left. He ended up waking up, and we talked about life. He became my close friend, and he ended up liking me. We talked one on one a lot, joking around, fangirling and fanboying over K-Idols, just sharing things about our lives. He confessed when we were on call one time with a song, I felt my stomach drop. Desperate for trying to find love again, I sent him a song from DAY6 and sent him the translation into English. We got together, tried keeping it a secret for bit, but I think it came out eventually, I don't really remember. A week later, he said he loved me. The words that have haunted me for months were said again, and I didn't want to hurt him, so I said it back. I made a mistake, I didn't love him. It haunted me for a while. I have two reasons to hate those three words. We had a good relationship on the outside, I didn't love him or have feelings for him, but he was so kind, he never ridiculed me, made me upset, made me cry, he never would've hurt me. He was a true gem. The guilt was eating me inside out, I had to end it because it was killing me. I thought I was going to do the right thing. With support from my friends, I ended up telling him school was stressing me out and that I needed to break up with him. He understood, he sounded discouraged, but wasn't angry, didn't raise his voice. He was so sweet. I checked on him for the next two days, then left. I don't know if he tried to reach out because messages could be deleted. It's almost been a year since I joined the chat, and I now realize that in my selfish bout of self pity, I had hurt him. It eats me up, knowing I hurt someone the way I was hurt. I want to apologize so badly, but I'm afraid it will make things worse for him. I want to let him know I'm sorry and that what I did was wrong, I wanted to at least give him a sense of closure, because I wasn't given such. I just want to give him peace, I want to make him feel better.
