What the fuck Richard? || a collection of reddie crack!fics

Princess Ratatata (part 2)

    "oh shit- eds, you okay down there?" richie yelled to the smaller boy.

   "no i'm not fucking okay dickwad, my arm's BROKEN!" eddie screamed dramatically, looking down at his arm. 'it is NOT supposed to bend that way!' he thought.

    greta walked past eddie and spit on him. "that's what you get, loser!" she exclaimed rudely.

    "fuck you thunberg!" eddie yelled in defense. he kicked his leg out under greta, making her fall. she got up and ran away furiously. as this happened richie quickly tied up his shlong and slid down it, running and stumbling on his shlong towards eddie.

    richie grabbed eddies face and looked at him, "this will hurt like a motherfucker but only for a bit." he said, then looked down to eddies arm.

    "DONT YOU FUCKIN TOUCH ME!" eddie screamed. richie carried on anyway, eddie pulling away from him. richie tightly grabbed onto eddies arm and snapped it back into place with a sharp cracking sound.

    "OoOOOOoOo..."  eddie yelled in pain. richie smiled in accomplishment.

    "now let's get you to the doctors." richie said plopping his hand on richies head.

    "we are in the middle of a forest... why would there be a hospital ANYWHERE near here?" eddie said sternly.

    "wellllllll... there isn't. BUT, this is a fucking fanfic anything can happen." just as he said that a swarm of bees surrounded eddie making him utter a loud scream. the bees swarmed his arm, then as they flew away a cast appeared.

    "what the actual fuck." eddie gasped loudly. "i told you." as he richie spoke he pulled a sharpie out of his dress pocket and grabbed eddies arm.

    "aww rich- you're signing my cast?" eddie question with a bright and happy smile on his face.

    "yep." richie said with a devilish grin.

    eddie looked down as richie finished. "thank y-" eddie said and stopped mid sentence, "you dick!" eddie exclaimed. richie laughed extremely hard. richie had written "loser" on eddies cast. eddie quickly grabbed a sharpie out of his pocket, a red sharpie.

    the smaller boy used the sharpie to replace the "s" in loser to a "v" making his cast say "lover". 

    "come on, don't take it personally." richie said smugly.

    "i won't, richie." eddie said smiling. they embraced in a soft kiss. as they were kissing eddie pulled a knife out of his pocket, holding it behind him. eddie reached under richies dress, pulling out his magmum shlong.

    "if we're gonna do that shouldn't we take it inside?" richie said blushing.

    "please don't take this personally." as the smaller boy spoke, still holding richies  shlong, reached the knife out and with one fallow swoop richie was dickless.

    "fuck- my schmeat..." richie mumbled before passing out.

    "welp- i can sell this for quite a bit." eddie said with a smile, whistling and collecting richies shlong as if it were a rope, wrapping it up around his arm.

the end.