Always

Chapter 5

Joe's ranch, Montana, 0730 hours

When he woke up a pleasant smell was filling the air around him. It was Catherine's scent: a mixture of vanilla and lavender, and he unconsciously kept his eyes shut for about a minute, just taking it in. He could hear Catherine's soft breathing right next to him, she seemed to still be sound asleep. It was an ordinary morning for him, he had already gotten used to having her around again. Except that this morning wasn't ordinary at all.

He hectically cast open his eyes, when he remembered what had happened last night, but immediately had to close them again, because of the sun that was shining extraordinarily strong for early January. He had slept with Catherine last night. And as special as it had been, he could have punched himself for not being able to resist her. After all, he had known from their first kiss last night that this wasn't going to change anything. But at some point, something deep inside of him had foolishly hoped that maybe it would. And then he had fallen asleep with a peace of mind he hadn't experienced in months, years even. And that was exactly why it was so wrong and so right at the same time.

As careful as possible, he got out of the bed - at some point during the night they had managed to get into bed - collected his clothes from the ground and jumped under the shower. He pressed his forearms against the glass wall and rested his head on them, as he let the cold water patter on his body. But it didn't really help the confusion he was experiencing. Well, it wasn't exactly confusion but rather sadness and anger. He was mostly angry with himself for giving in, for letting his emotions take the upper hand - something that normally was against his nature as a McGarrett and as a soldier.

After the shower, he still didn't feel much better and was now in desperate need of some coffee. As the coffee was brewing, he stood at the window watching the snowed under mountains, thinking about her. He turned around, when he heard a slight cracking behind him, just to find her standing at the kitchen table.

"Hey." she whispered awkwardly and she couldn't help but notice how good he was looking in those grey sweatpants, the white tee and with rumpled hair. Her eyes nervously darted to the ground and back up again and somehow she felt like she was a teenager again, because she didn't remember the last time, apart from her very first time maybe, that she had felt this awkward after having had really amazing sex.

"Morning." he replied softly, "You up for some coffee?"

"Sounds good."

He poured the freshly brewed coffee into two cups and added some butter to his cup, before placing them on the table and sitting down across from her. For a while they were just silently nipping on their coffee cups, as they were both lost in their thoughts.

"So, um, I..uh, about last night." Catherine started, even though she wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to say just yet.

Steve looked up at her and for the fraction of a second, he thought he saw something flicker in her eyes. He waited for her to continue, to say something, anything really, but it seemed that she was at a loss for words. The silence was unusually uncomfortable and at some point he just couldn't take it anymore: "Yeah, um, like I said yesterday evening..I know that this was just a one time thing. It's okay. We can just forget about it."

"Forget about it?"

"Yeah, forget- I mean that is what you want, right?" he asked and searched her face for a tiny shred of doubt.

She nodded slowly, her eyebrows were slightly knitted, before she redirected her focus on him, "Um, I..I guess." she replied.

"Hey, hey, what's going on?" he asked confused, when he saw a small smile erupt on her face.