Pride Month: Asexuality

Chapter 2: Pansexual

So at this point I am in eighth grade and have started to identify as pan. At the beginning of the school year there is a new girl who joins my friend group. Her and the girl I came to realise I had a crush on started dating and I started getting jealous. For three months I was so jealous but I tried to ignore it because they were both really happy and I didn't want to ruin that.

In October they broke up. It was a bad break up but we all got over it and became friends after a few weeks. Also around this time another new girl comes to our school who says she is bisexual and likes guys and girls. Now most people didn't know that I also like girls so they told the new girl to hang around my crush because she was also bi. This made me upset because I wanted to ask my crush out and also because this girl was rude and didn't listen for shit. 

The next week I deside to get on a call with my crush and another one of my friends. We were talking for a couple hour when I asked her "Hey, so um, I think I maybe, sort of, have a pretty big crush on you". She looked so shocked and our other friend had no idea I was going to do this was fangirling. My crush left the call and joined back saying how I "balognaed her for an entire year". 

At this point it was late so we agreed to talk in the morning before school. That morning we talked and apologised for confusing her for a year and that I just didn't understand my feelings. We both agreed to give it a try and we started dating. 

Now we go back to that new girl from October, I'm gonna call her A. So A learns that we are going out and this is right before Thanksgiving break and I think that's when she decided to make my life hell.

After we got back from break A starts tell people that I bully her and that I am increadibly rude. She seemed to express a very big hatred towards me and I thought she was going to try to get physical. I started to get anxiety attacks but I always get those so I didn't really care at the time. 

A took it too far for me individually when she told my girlfriend that I was "only with her for attention", I was "bullying her", I was a "whore", and that "I was a bad influense and shouln't be around". She also told these things to my frineds. No one belived her, thank the heavens.

Also during this time me and my girlfriend were told by school staff that we could not hold hands. I was so fucking mad because kids were sucking off eachothers faces but because we weren't straight we got yelled at for an innocent act like holding hands. 

 In December when my girlfriend was handing out invintations for her birthday, A invited herself to the party. My girlfriend said she had no intention of inviting her to the party but A took an inventation and left. A couple of our friends didn't come because A was going to be there and they didn't feel safe. I was almost not allowd to go but luckly A was not sleeping over so I could go. At the party she was very disrespectful and highly inapropriate, even for us! She wore skimpy close even though it was December. 

The next week she just became way more rude and my friend group had to go to our principal to report the bullying. I had many friends who were not directly involved who would confirm our reports as they were witnesses to it. In the end A was told to keep her distance from me and my girlfriend as I was getting massive anxiety attacks. She listened for a month.

In January she tried to get close to us again but I had an anxiety attack. The teachers saw and sent me to the office. My mom who works at the school I went to was called and she came to try and calm me down. The principal of my school finally took notice and had a mediation between me and A.

A claimed the whole reason she was rude was because I was rude for not talking to her. This is because I am an Introvert and she is and Extrovert. My principal understood this and told A that she still has to keep her distance for bullying me and it actually worked for the rest of the year. I still don't know why she would try and lie to get with my girlfriend. The olny part I am thankful for is she never outed me as Pan.

During this time I learned more about the LGBTQ+ community and heard of asexuality, the lack of sexual attraction. I felt very comforted by it. So I decided that I am Asexual.