Ethereal

Part 3

I woke up at 3,
My mouth was dry as a barren land and I terribly needed a glass of water to drench my screaming insides but I couldn't get up. I didn't want to get up. I felt tied to my bed. I stared at the ceiling, my night light turned on. People always make funny remarks on my fear of the dark but I detest darkness. I really do. Terrifying creatures lurk in the darkness, they are after me. The smell of sweat formed on my forehead because of the fear is the sweetest smell for my demons. They long for a bite of my flesh. They are dying to tear me apart. So I turn on the lights to ward them away.
I close my eyes and try to think about nothing. However the taunts, the screams, the words all replay in my ears. I try to shut my mind but I can't. I try to cry it all out but I've ran out of tears. I feel hollow on the outside. My insides are all torn apart.
Every morning I wake up and it's a fucking struggle to just put on my clothes and get out of the door. I'm dying inside but I put on a smile on my face. I laugh all day long. I sigh the loudest during the day when I'm with my friends but when I'm alone at night, I cry silently and I muffle my tears so no one will hear me cry.
Now tell me how do I live with this sadness? How do I act like all is fine when hundreds of daggers are slashing my gut and tearing me apart? Blunt knives thrust into me. Eventually leaving nothing but raw scars, tender to touch.