Revenge : Book 2

CHAPTER 3 : Take Me With You

After Abby left I made my escape, heading back to the room. Michael North, it just had to be him. I didn't like him. I was settled on that. Beyond the fact that his eyes were a painful reminder of the boy I'd just lost, there was just something about him that didn't sit well with me. To add on to that, Adrian hated him, or at least he really didn't like him. There was a reason for that. I didn't trust him. 

    And now my life was in his hands. He was my guardian, that required some level of trust, didn't it? 

   I plopped onto the bed, burying my head under a ton of pillows, as I groaned in annoyance. I wallowed in self pity, allowing myself to feel sorry for my predicament. I was truly beginning to hate my life and wondering if this was all worth it. 

    To be honest, I didn't see what the point to all of it was anymore. My life was a disaster, I knew it. So what was the point of prolonging it. Maybe everyone would have been better off if I'd just died. For the first time I found myself wishing I'd died when I was ten. Adrian definitely would still be alive if I'd died then. 

     I was bad luck for everyone around me. I was bad luck for the world. I didn't deserve to live. My existence was only leading to the death of others. It started with my mother and now Adrian, maybe next it'd be my father, or Abby or even Harrod. They were all going to die and it'd all because of me. I was bad. 

    My thoughts ran rapid, coursing through my mind like poison. Turning everything into a negative, souring my attitude towards life. I'd never had a happy or contempt disposition towards life but never in my eighteen years had I ever been suicidal. Things had been bad, I was ill most of my life, my mother died, I was sent away from my home, I lost my best friend but none of that made me want to end my own life. But losing Adrian hit me harder that any of that. 

     I was feeling lost, not just because of him. I was starting to feel like ending it was the only way to save everyone else I cared about. If I was dead, then the demons had no reason to attack, right? Everyone would be safe. I knew to others it might have sounded selfish but I wasn't being selfish, I was just thinking of the safety of everyone I loved. Staying alive was the selfish thing. 

    My death would save lives. My death would be the end of it all. Because I just wanted it to end. Everything. I hated living like this. In constant paranoia. Being worried about everyone, every minute of the day. It was exhausting. I wanted quiet.

     Maybe death would bring the quiet. 

     But then again what guarantee did I have that death was the answer? What if I landed myself in a place far worse than here? Death could have been a realm of infinite darkness for all I knew. And as much as I wanted it all to end, I honestly didn't think I had the strength to end it. To be honest, death scared me. 

     It stood cold and merciless. A figure in a shadowy cloak, promising peace and yet offering nothing but pain. And even if my death brought me peace, it wouldn't do the same for the ones I loved. I couldn't do that to my father, or Harrod. I couldn't do that to Abby. She'd already lost one friend, why would I make her lose another? I couldn't bring her pain, I couldn't bring them pain. Maybe it was selfish. It felt selfish when I thought about their reactions. From my point it seemed like I was doing the right thing but from theirs it probably didn't look the same. 

      My death wasn't the answer. 

      A knock at the door drew me from my menacing thoughts. "Marcus," Davin's voice came from the other side of the door, "would you like to come down for supper?" 

    I wanted to say no, but then my stomach growled as if threatening me not to. I conceded, I was hungry and Davin's food did smell delicious. I slid off the bed, getting onto my feet I padded towards the door, opening it up.