Beautiful Boy

one

I've never fallen in love.

People talk about this feeling of butterflies at school, but honestly, I don't feel anything.

What is this feeling of butterflies in the stomach? Somersaults in our stomach? I swear, people use the perfect words to describe vomiting at times.

The talk is usual here.

Hey, did you finish your homework?

Nah man, I was too lazy today.

I roll my eyes, wearing my earplugs and looking outside the bus. The kids here aren't bad, but I don't know how to talk to them.

They just seem, super judgemental.

I can feel it.

Their eyes piercing me, gaping.

Noticing each and every flaw of my body.

Each and every flaw of my pronunciation.

Just some more elaborate teenage mindfuckery.

The problem with high school, especially mine, is that when you change them, you'll never be able to find your set of friends. Everyone's in a clique.

Nobody's bad per se, but it's just that-

Nobody fits right.

I'd like to believe we're all part of this puzzle that'll never become completed.

Or maybe we're always going to be a puzzle that never gets completed.

I kept the earplugs in my ear, listening to sad emo songs from the 2000s.

My taste isn't specific, really.

I'd just listen to everything.

"Class is gonna start you know," my friend said, patting my back.

"Yeah."

I let out a sigh.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of this.

My life's become mundane, continuous routine.

Everyday flashing by my eyes and just quickly passing by.

Sometimes I'd stand for hours, staring at something with various thoughts just weaving into my mind.

Just thinking.

I wonder what love feels like.

Is it really that beautiful?

Fingers interlaced, the feeling of warmth. That's what all the novels say.

They talk about this intoxicating chemistry and crazy sex drive.

But is that really how it feels?

I wouldn't know.

After all. . .

I've never fallen in love before.