What your heart says (Ethan x f!MC)

All the Unspoken words

Tears were burning in the back of her eyes. But she refused to cry. She didn't want to look like an immature person who can't even control their own emotions. Casey needed a place to hide from the harsh truth of the real world. She aimlessly ran,her face covered with her hands. Within a few mintues,she found a little park. It was poorly lit and empty. She slowed down a bit to admire her surroundings. The streets were all empty. It was already past midnight when she left for Donahue's. So judging by the.......time spent there,It should be near 1:00 A.M. Casey was exhausted. It wasn't just physical tireness though,it was mostly emotional. Entering the park,she found a little bench under a huge tree which she can't figure out. It was dark and it really didn't matter. Her breathing was uneven from running and the mental pain she had to face. Casey tried her best to calm down. But apparently, it was too much. She sat there,sobs wrecking her body. The muffled sound of it echoed through the dense-cool night air. It seemed as if the atmosphere around her,felt the devastating heartbreak too.
~
Ethan's head hung low as he stood in the beer-garden. He just saw the 'love of his life' running away from him. And he was the one to blame. Her words came back to him......."How long will you use me and then throw me away?"."Stop playing with me and my feelings." "Unlike you Ethan, I have a heart,and it breaks every single time you reject me". " Just tell me,if I'm not worth you! I get it,you're the Ethan Ramsey........and I'm....just a random resident. "
'No Casey, you're not just a random resident.......you're 'My Rookie'..... Mine!' His jaw clenches with frustration. 'How can she say that!? She thinks she's not worth!?.......I'm the one who's not worth of her.....'!! Her last words ring in his mind,"Just once Ethan,please!"
'Oh Rookie,if only you knew how much,I want you........I need you......in my life. Your single smile lights up my whole day,your voice is the sweetest thing I've ever heard. You're the most beautiful woman in this world, atleast for me. You're talented and amazingly dedicated. The passion you hold in yourself for medicine.....it reminds me of myself. You're sweet and kind, but when needed,you can be brave and badass. You always stand by the truth. The way you care for your patients,I've never seen someone else to do it,not even... me. Your friends, your patients,even Naveen,Harper and many other respected people adore you. And I'm.....not a exception of it. I love you,more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. Hell,I've never been in love......before you. I love you..... Casey.....You're my world.'
His eyes almost tear up,the intense love he has for her,catching him off-guard. He sighs heavily,he needs to do something, right now. The mere thought of losing here makes him flinch. He has to confess,it's now or never! He squares his shoulders, preparing himself. He sets out immediately,to find her....and tell her everything. He practically runs through the streets,his mind playing the same words,"I've to fix everything. I'm the reason of this mess!' When he passes by a little park,his ear pricks to a familiar.....very familiar voice. It's Casey,he knows it! The sound is muffled though, and he can say that....she was crying. He made her cry. He has punched a lot of people in his life,but now,he really feels like punching himself on the face.
He inhales slowly......psyching himself up. 'This is it,Ethan, tell her... how much you love her!' It takes a bit of time to adjust his eyes to the dark. There she was,sitting on a bench,her face covered by her hands. With slow and measured steps,he approaches her. From this close,he can finally notice how much broke she was for him. Her shoulders were slumped,her body curled up in a small hunched shape. She was still shaking from the impact of the sobs. 'Dammit,you fool! Do something!' He curses himself. Trying to reach the height of her face,he kneels down infront of her. "Casey...."he softly says. Her head immediately shots up. Her hands instantly come up to her face as she wipes it with her palms. She looks up,her eyes meeting his. Ethan's heart breaks as he sees her like this. Those beautiful green eyes......which he loves so much that he can't even describe, are bloodshot red and puffy from crying. Her weary gaze soon changes into a cold glare. " What Ethan!? Aren't you done with your lecture? Did you follow me so that you can finish it!?" It feels as if her voice is spitting venom at him. For not the first time,he feels afraid of her. He's unsure how to bring up his confession. Suddenly, she stands up,stomping away from him. His reflexes kick in,and he wraps her up in a deadlock hug from behind. She freezes,the feeling of his strong hands firmly holding her around the waist,his muscled chest resting against her back and the smell of his intoxicating manly cologne,invading her senses completely. Ethan buries his face in the crook of her neck. His beard tickling the sensitive skin there. She shivers from the sensation. "Are you cold?" He mutters against the shell of her ear,his hot breath fanning over her. In response, her head lolls back from pleasure,hitting his broad shoulders. Ethan smiles,his lips touching briefly on the back of her neck and her body trembles in his arms once again. "Come here, Sweetheart." He turns her to face him,threading their fingers together and holding it tight,like his anchor. He takes her to the bench,urging her to sit. She hesitates a bit,before sitting down. He takes off his jacket and affectionately drapes it over her. Taking a seat close to her,he laces their fingers again. "Look at me,Casey. I need to talk with you,and it's really important." Her gaze unconsciously trail off to their joined hands. She lets out a shaky breath...... "Ethan, please, I don't have anything left in me. If....if you are..h..here to...tell...m...me that all over again......" Her lower lip quivers,her eyes watering. She tries to hold them back,but she fails. Hurtful sobs take over her body. Ethan moves even closer to her,enveloping her in a warm,comforting hug once again. When she starts hyperventing,he softly mumbles out, "Shhh....I promise,it's not about that! Just breath,Rookie. Inhale.....exhale. You're hyperventing Sweetheart. With me,c'mon, inhale...exhale." Following his lead,Casey soon regains her composure. Ethan doesn't pull back though, neither she does. Ethan feels like this very moment is as fragile as glass. If he does anything wrong, it'll break apart. He buries his nose in her neck,breathing in the sweet aroma of her. He decides to talk like this,her presence will calm him down as he tries to take one of the biggest steps of his life. "Casey....first of all,I beg your pardon. For everything. You've no idea how much sorry I am for hurting you like this." He can feel her body stiffening as he says it. "You know me,Casey,more than anyone else in this world. I'm stubborn and....stupid. I.....about my morals and ethics,you're right. If....they stand in the way of us.......being happy, they mean nothing to me. I want to be selfish,once in my life,for you,so that I can be happy, with you. I'm that fool who forgets their own words. In Miami,you remember? I said,'Some things are always worth the risk.' It goes with you,Rookie,only you. I'm done with this game of avoiding how I feel. In this past months,the only thing which has happened,is that my feelings for you have intensified in ways I can never imagine. Never. Even,in Amazon, whenever I was free,or I was trying to fall asleep,my mind...always drifted to you. You are always in my mind,Rookie. Even distancing myself from you by staying in another continent for 2 months didn't help it. It was foolish of me to think that I'll be able to control my feelings after all of this. You remember that night,in Donahue's? That night when I came back,and you stayed past-call with me? We talked,and at some point I...told you about one of the worst decision of my life ...'consider us reset'. You kissed me,Rookie..... I really wanted to take you home and have my way with you. I was starved for your touch,for you. After 2 months of dreaming and imagining about....you,I really wanted it. But....I couldn't,I promised myself that I'll stop. I thought that I was doing it for our own good. But I was wrong,Rookie. Whenever I spent alone moments with you,every single cell in my body eched to touch you,to feel you. That morning of the Leland Bloom case,I went to your apartment. I don't know why,I could've just called you,I could've sent someone else,but I was the one who knocked at your door. God.......I'm so happy that I was the one,you came out half-naked! Something I only saw in my dreams,was standing right infront of me. And then....Lord!You just stripped! I saw eagerly that your goal of 'looking good naked' was achieved. I mean.... it was already long ago. You always looked like a vision while naked. I really wonder how I managed to not do something..... scandalous. You know,it was pretty hard to control. Dammit,what am I saying!? So...sorry! I....." He can feel her body shaking with soft giggles. He sighs softly. "Look Rookie,you....you're the second person in this world who knows about....my past. My childhood and it's complications. My Dad and....Mom. Naveen used to be the only person who knew about it. You....you're special, Rookie. So,so special! I've never opened up about this things. But there is something about you,that makes me break all my rules. That makes me an open-book....just for you. And I'm so glad that it's the case. Naveen, even my Dad knows that there is....something between us. I'm tired of running away from it." This is it,he needs to say it now. He pulls away a bit,looking deep in her eyes. He slowly leans in, touching there foreheads together. He finally whispers those long-awaited 3 words,"I love you,Rookie! Casey....... I love you more than anyone else in this world." Her breath hitches, and after some seconds her eyes flutter close,tears trailing down her cheeks. Ethan grows even more uncomfortable,he didn't expect this reaction. 'Good Lord! I messed up everything, once again! What is wrong with me?' He wants to scream,but he can't. He hugs her tightly,mumbling,"It's okay,Casey! I... I understand! You don't have to say it back.....I don't deserve it. Please, stop,Casey, please, I'm not worth your tears...." His voice breaks,terror squeezing the air out of his lungs. He can't loose her,she's too precious! After a few mintues, he hears her choked voice,"Ethan.... ". He leans back and cradles her face with his hands,his thumbs wiping the tears. "Yes,Casey. Are you feeling better now?" He knows that it's a dumb question. But he has no idea what else he can ask. "E...Ethan..? Did you...um... Can you... repeat what you said?" Her voice trails off at last. She's insecure about it. Ethan hates himself, for this. She can't even trust her own ears. She can't believe that he told her those three words. He broke her,and he had to face the consequences. He smiles softly,"I love you,Casey. I love you! So much! You're my world!". A new batch of tears break through, and she almost jumps off, grabbing his neck,and pressing their lips together in a heated frenzy. He can initially taste the salt from her tears,but he ignores it. Their lips move in perfect sync. With a last soft peck,she leans away. Her hands hold his face,as if it's a dream,and he might fade away. She softly whispers, her voice velvety smooth,potraying her emotions. "I love you too, Ethan! I love you." She can barely hold on her tears as she says it back. And Ethan? He stands there,his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. After a few moments of being dumbstruck, he's finally able to open his mouth. "What!? I mean...you do!? Oh God,sorry!" He tries to calm down and Casey giggles like a little girl seeing him like this. Who knew that Ethan Jonah Ramsey can lose his mind too? "Rookie? Do you mean it? I told you,remember? You don't have to say it back! I get it if you're not ready. But you said it back... That means you meant it,right?" A taunting smile spreads on her face as she replies,"No!". "Wait what!? I thought...."his voice breaks down. Casey immediately bursts out laughing. " God,you're so stupid! I was just teasing you! Of course,I meant it!" He tries to frown,but can't stop the huge grin breaking out on his face. "Then say it again!" He challenges. "Why?I already told you!" She shots back. "You asked me to repeat it,Rookie. And I did! So,you've to repeat it too!" He says in a teasing tone. She huffs,pouting,"Fine! I love you Ethan. I love you so much that I don't have enough words to describe it. You're my.... um...... galaxy??" "What!?" Ethan frowns,"Galaxy? Why,Rookie?". She casts her eyes down,clearly embarrased,he can notice those beautiful pink hues on her cheeks. "I just...you told me that I'm your world....so I wanted to tell you something bigger...." He chuckles as he hears her reasoning. "You're so sweet, aren't you?" She smiles shyly,biting her lip. Ethan looks around,it was really late. "Come home with me?" He offers,hoping that she'll agree. "Um...but..." He can clearly note the hesitation in her voice. All of a sudden,he feels like a teenager asking his crush on the first date. His hands get sweaty,and he desperately tries to find a suitable cause so that she joins him for tonight. "Rookie,it's really late,like around 2:00 A.M or even more. I can't let you go to your apartment now!" "Oh,okay!" She agrees. Ethan never felt this much happiness after hearing an 'okay'. He stands up,his hands streched towards her. "Um,Ethan......I don't wanna walk..."her voice is small as she tells him. "Don't worry,I'll carry you." He picks her up,she wraps her legs around his waist securely as he carries her back to Donahue's, where his car was parked. After reaching there,he opens the door of the passenger seat,and carefully places her on the seat. She smiles up to him. The whole car ride was silent. But it was a comfortable one. During the whole ride,Ethan held her hand tightly in his,and she admired this amazing person beside her,now her lover. Whenever,Ethan's eyes landed on her,blue met green. They shared a smile,filled with happiness and love.

When they reached home,Ethan picked her up again, and carried her to his apartment. He only set her down,when they reached his bedroom. He pushes her down softly on his bed,climbing up on her.

"What're you doing?" She asks,knowing pretty well what he's doing. Ethan doesn't answer,instead, he just kisses her passionately. Their toungues entangle in a slow dance of passion. She moans in his mouth,craving more. He pulls away for a bit,his hands slipping inside her clothing. She whines,but soon it's covered up with a yawn. Ethan pulls back,looking at her,"Are you sleepy?". She shakes her head,"No! Why did you stop?" But her last words are yet again stopped by another yawn. Ethan smiles down at her, "We have all the time in the world to do all of that,Rookie. But for now,let's go to sleep,hm?" He places a soft kiss on her forehead and climbs down from the bed. She pouts at him,while Ethan chuckles, "That's not gonna work." He strips down to his boxers-briefs and asks her,"You can't sleep in that. Change into something more comfortable. Should I give you something from my closet?" But she was too distracted to answer that. She was biting her lip while ogling him shamelessly. Ethan comes up to her, and makes her look at his face,"My face is here ,Rookie. Not down there! I asked you if I can give you something from my closet to change into." Her face flushes red,and he smirks. Casey stands up on the bed,telling him,"Can you give me one of your shirts?" "Just a shirt? Fine!" He grabs the white shirt which he notices at first and hands it to her. But he had no idea,what'll happen next. She thanks him,her mind playing,'It's my turn to have fun'. In a fluid motion,she pulls off the crop top she was wearing,the denim following it. His jaw hangs as he looks at her in nothing but a navy blue lace lingerie. She slowly turns around and unhooks her bra,the material falling on the bed. She turns again,leaning down to pick the white shirt up. He can feel his length twich inside the thin material of his boxer-briefs as his eyes get glued on her uncovered breasts on their full glory. He gulps,groaning loudly and she smirks. "Like what you see,Dr. Ramsey? Hmm?" Ethan growls,"Stop! Let's just stick to sleeping,okay?" "Sure,your loss anyway." She states,laying flat on his bed,the shirt completely unbuttoned. Ethan shakes his head smiling ruefully. He climbs up beside her,pulling her on top of him. He turns the light off,and pulls a bedsheet on top of their bodies. She sighs happily,her head resting just over where his heart beats beneath. "Goodnight,Rookie. I love you." He kisses the top of her head. She mumbles sleepily,"Good..night....love you too...". His steady heartbeat soon lulls her to sleep and he strokes her back soothingly. After a few moments, Ethan drifts off to sleep too,her soft rythymatic breathing and the warmth of her body helping him.