Lilybee

Chapter 1

Stars.

Billions of stars looking every night down here, at the earth,shining like fireflies. These stars are representing every single person on the earth. One brighter than the other.

These stars are representing our feelings. Because your feelings will always show what kind of person you are. Your feelings are your emotions, and when they came to the surface, they are making everyone to see what kind of person you truly are. Or at least, the ones that care about you.

Humans will always be fascinating for me. Why? Because we, humans, are unpredictable, we are spontaneous, we are an enigma. And this means that we will never know our future. Even if we shall want. We will never get. Sad, but true.

All those humans living their best lifes,and there's you. A persons who cares about her grades only when she fails. A person who loves makeup not for the imagine,but for the beautiful feeling you get after putting it on. A person who loves to write and read, only books that have no business with school, the rest of them are boring. A persons who wants to love, but it's impossible for her.

She tried, but it's impossible. And she doesn't understand how other people are doing it. It's just an wired thing to think about, she will better think about how the leaves are rolling on the ground, or how the grass is growing, or just how people are...dying. Basically everything it's more interesting than love. Or just for her.

And here you see I have very serious problems. I am talking about myself at the third person. Why? I don't fucking know. Why am I still doing it? Again, I don't have an fucking idea.

Life is bullshit.

Everything that happens in you're life is bullshit. Why is it bullshit? Because your brain tires to copy any single happy moment in your life and after that, it wants it on repeat, it forces you to do that something every day.

And the sad part about this, is that you realise it only when you don't have any happy moments to put on repeat anymore.

And here you realise how sad life is,and how important it's to try to make it to be happy. And the saddest part about it, is that some people died even before they reached this goal.

People are thinking at theses things when they are in the most critical moments of their life,not in the middle of the night while looking at the sky on their window, as I, unfortunately, do.

I hate life.

I hate the system I am forced to live in. I hate the fake people I'm surrounded by. I hate the racism, homophobia and sexism that is going on in this world. I hate it.

Fuck em' all.

I finish my cigarette throwing it on the window,and closing it after. I drink a sip of water from the glass on my nightstand and then I start chewing a gum in case Laura will decide to want to wake me up tomorrow.

And if she smells cigarettes on me again, she won't forgive me this time, and I don't want to upset her more than I already did. I keep chewing the gum until I feel the taste starting to loose.

I look at the clock on the wall just to see that is almost 2 in the morning. Well I hope so,because my view is starting to play me tricks in the last time. God,I feel old.

I lay on my back until I feel the soft matters under me. I take an deep breath and I close my eyes and hope to fall asleep, but of course it won't happen until I make an hole scenario in my head. I better have that car in real life too.

• • •

I open my eyes when I can feel the sun burning them through the glass window. I turn on the other side and in that moment, my phone's alarm starts ringing.