"Nightmare"
"Are you not going back with me Caina? " Sabay tabi nya sakin sa sofa
"Nope! Sabi ko naman sayo sayang yung ticket ko kung ipapasabay moko sa flight mo tsaka kyro nextweek narin naman iyon ha! Hintayin nyo na lang ako ni kathlene doon tutal sa condo ko rin naman yun naka stay" sabi ko
3 years had passed when mommy died
at 4 years na akong di umuuwi ng Pilipinas after daddy got me in Manila iniuwi nya agad ako I asked him to bring kathlene at sasama ako sakanya he agreed and that day also We get back on Cebu sa Casa Ilena Nadatnan kong nakaratay si mommy sa kwarto nila ni daddy bago pako nakauwi sa Cebu ay sobra sobra ang galit sakin ni daddy
*Pak*
Isang malakas na sampal ang natamo ko mula kay daddy
"You!! Ikaw and dahilan ng lahat! Ikaw na suwail ka!! Because of you! Because of you you're mom don't want to get any medication!!! "
What? I don't get it!
"Ano hindi mo alam diba?! Kase busy ka sa paglalandi mo! At paglalakwatsa mo!!! Your mom has a Cancer at stage 3 na iyon! Ayaw nyang umalis ng pilipinas at pumuntang states kase gusto ka nyang makita!! At kung hindi ko pa nalaman na nasa manila ka ano! Maghihintay pa kami ng matagal!!
Then the tears fell from my eyes
Kaya pala bago ako umalis ay madalas ang pagsakit ng ulo nya at minsan ay may nakikita akong pasa sa katawan nya ang lagi nyang dinadahilan ay natamaan lang daw sa lamesa I didn't even know na may sakit na pala sya that time! At umalis pako imbis na samahan sya!!
" Asan po si mommy?"
"Nasa bahay! At ikaw! Sumama kana saakin! Ano hahayaan mong mamatay ang mommy mo?! Sumama ka sakin sa Cebu uuwi tayo ngayon din!" Rinig na rinig ko kung papaano magalit si daddy sakin I also saw how the tears from his eyes fell on his cheeks
"Pero daddy!"
Umiyak muli ako ni hindi ako nakapagpaalam kay Justin I want to say goodbye to him first.
"Ano?! Hahayaan mong mamatay ang mommy mo!!!"
Umiling ako at nanatiling umiiyak
"No daddy sasama po ako"
"Pero daddy please hayaan mong sumama sakin si kathlene! Shes a friend of mine! Matutulungan nya ako please daddy please sasama po ako"
*********
my mom has a Cancer in the blood she has a Leukemia stage 3 at ayaw nyang pumunta ng states para magpagamot hanggang wala ako I left manila without saying goodbye to Justin , My love and My Man when daddy told me about Mommy's health agad agad akong pumayag na sumama sakanya pero dapat kasama si Kathlene , kitang kita ko kung gaano kapayat ang dating sobrang perpektong katawan ni mommy diko maiwasang maluha habang tinitignan ang isa sa mga taong walang sawang umintindi saakin at magpaalalang mahal talaga ako ni daddy the person who always there to support me minsan lang nahahadlangan pag ayaw ni daddy! We left philippines for good kasama kong nag alaga kay mommy si Kathlene , nagpaalam na din sya sa mama nya na ako ang kasama nya my dad offered kathlene scholarship at sya na ang bahalang magsustento sa naiwan nyang pamilya para lang masamahan ako sa states in the first year being there in states ay hindi muna ako nag aral para matutukan ang kalusugan ni mommy in that situation mas lalo kopang nakilala si mommy my mom wants me to continue her dreams back when I was young she really wants me to become a model like her , I really admire her for being so positive, but after 3 months of being here in states my mom died she died even she really wants to live I blame myself for leaving her! I blame my self for not coming early thats why she didn't take medications early! Siguro! Kung di ako umalis o inagahan kong bumalik sana buhay pa sya!! I even saw my father cry the day I told him that my mom died! He is mad at me! He blamed me for everything! It is so hard for me to accept the fact that I maybe the reason why she's dead! I'm the reason why she leave this place so early! Noong una ay hindi ko matanggap ang mga nangyari but when I met again Kyro he helped me to stand lagi nya akong dinadaluhan pag nangungulila ako kay mommy he even told me that If my mommy is alive she will not be happy if she see's me like this so I need to be brave and face all of my fears and face the truth that my moms want me to become successful model like her Kyro tried to court me before but I said that I'm not ready for ir he understand and respect my decision
Maybe for me kyro is just a brother figure and I'm not denying the fact that he is a handsome guy kaya kahit sino magkakagusto sakanya maybe I am still not move on to him hindi naman ganun kadaling kalimutan na lang lahat ng nangyari samin ni Justin Nawalan na ako ng komukikasyon sakanya simula ng kinuha ako ni daddy sa manila Nalaglag ang cellphone na gamit ko noon nung hinila ako ng mga tauhan ni daddy I was wondering how's Justin now siguro may asawat anak na sya ngayon. I want to do my mom's wants thats why after the 2 years of studying I started modeling here in States. I've been modeling for 1 year but for now I need to go back in the philippines because my dad is not young anymore he want me to go back in Manila he stayed there because he wants to run from his sadness sa tuwing nakikita nya ang bahay sa Cebu ay naiiyak nalang daw ito at iniisip si mommy doon may bahay na si daddy sa manila but I choose to stay at my Condo pumayag naman si daddy doon dahil sinabi kong bibisita naman ako madalas doon daddy forgave me because he said that I'm the only one left to him and after my mommy died di na ganoon kahigpit si daddy saakin he even let me to decide for my own, I am still thinking on what will I do If I meet him after 4years well I know theres a possibility that we will meet I left him without words I left him withouth telling him my real Identity what if he knows? What if after a year he knows everything that I lied to him! Hindi ko alam kung pagkakatiwalaan nya pa ako I still love him but I don't think It's right to love him again after I left him without words and only feeding him with lies about my real Identity!
"Caina?" I heard a snap
Nakita kong nakaharap na ngayon saakin si kyro
"Tulala ka na naman. Ang sabi ko basta pagkadating mo ng Manila tawagan mo ako para mabisita ka I really need to go back early in the philippines dahil may kailangan asikasuhin kaya diko ma move yung flight ko sa araw ng flight mo kaya wala kang kasamang babalik ng Pilipinas"
Tumango ako
" Ahh oo I'll call you when I landed there! Take care" sabi ko at yinakap sya
Umalis na sya sa bahay bukas na bukas din ang flight nya sa Pilipinas I really admire him for being successful isa sya ngayon sa mga nagtataasang Business man sa Pilipinas he has alot of chain hotel and resort kahit pa nung nagaaral kami ay nakikita kong nagtatrabaho sya at nag aaral lagi nyang dala dala ang laptop nya pag may lakad naman ay ang cellphone ang gamit nya.
May naghihintay naring mga trabaho sakin sa Pilipinas diko pa nakikilaa kung sino iyon pero malaki ang offer kaya I grabbed it I need to endorse his Hotel so I know that It was a clean job that's why I signed it but for now I need to prepare for nextweek I need to pack my things .
Maybe I wanna talk to him for once for formally saying sorry and saying goodbye to him from all of what I did
"I really do missed him but it's not the right thing! And I do hope that If I come back to the Philippines he is now happy"
Kahit ako na lang ang malungkot wag lang ang mga taong mahal na mahal ko
I know he will not forgive me but atleast I'll try to talk to him even he's not listening if I ask him to explain atleast I'll breath properly unlike the past years of nightmares at least for once I tell him that I really do sorry and dor leaving him without words and for lying .
