"disappoinment"
As I was looking at them
I feel something that I can't even tell
Parang unti-unti akong sinaksak ng isang matalim na punyal I don't even know Why I am feeling this way even if I knew that In the first place I am just a fake!
Sa mga iilang araw palang na kasama ko sya ay diko maiwasang humanga sakanya
I've never been familiar with this feelings!
"You ok?" - Isang buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ko
mabilis akong tumango sakanya bilang sagot I also give him a smile but I don't think if it is real
"Sige po sir Enjoy your meal!" - I was about to leave him when he hold my wrist tinignan ko 'yon at nagtaka sa ginagawa ng lalaking ito si Thunder to kung hindi ako nagkakamali
I don't wanna be rude In front of our guest kaya tumayo ako sa gilid nya at nagtanong mabilis kong kinalma ang sarili ko.
"Do you need something sir?" - I asked.
He gave me a bright smile kitang kita ko kung gaano sya kagwapong ngumiti.
" Can you please stay for a while? Sanay kase akong may kasabay kumain " sabay kamot sa batok nya
Nakita ko kung papaano ang reaksyon nya kaya napangiti ako at tumango well wala naman sigurong masamang makipag kaibigan.
" Pero baka kase mapagalitan ako eh " sabi ko
He shook his head and gave me a smile
"Akong bahala sayo , sorry to ask you this nauna na kaseng umalis mga kasama ko kaya ngayon lang ako nag ask ng favor saktong sakto pa at ikaw yung kumuha sa order ko kaya bonus nayon"
Tumingin muli sya sa kabilang table at nagtanong
" I thought that guy was your boyfriend? Bat may kasama syang ibang babae? Is he a playboy? Don't tell me kaya ka nyang pakawalan?
Lumingon uli ako sakanila at nakitang mukhang seryoso na ang usapan nila
"Ah oo he is my boyfriend yung kasama nya yung HR namin kababata nya" - I said
Tumango lang sya at ngumiti.
" Oh! Kala ko playboy eh " then he laughed
" Well kung ako ba naman ang boyfriend mo e hindi na talaga kita pakakawalan baka nga pikutin pa kita para matali kana saakin" pabiro nyang sabi
Agad naman akong natawa sa sinabi nya
Habang tumatawa ako ay agad nagtama ang paningin namin
Tumango lang ako sakanya bilang sagot
I really like his company napaka masiyahin nyang tao
May iniabot sya saakin na card kaya tinanggap ko ito.
"THUNDER KYRO FUENTES"
At nakita ko mula rito ang numero nya
"I think we are friends now! Call me when you need something" then he smiled nilagay ko sa loob ng bulsa ko iyon
"Sige ba!" Sa konting minuto ay napawi lahat ng naramdaman ko kanina
I don't know maybe I'm jealous?
Diko na ipagkakailang gusto ko sya pero iba ang gusto nya and a small pain stabbed my heart.
Nakita kong malapit na nyang maubos yun nang may naramdaman akong presensya mula sa likod ko
He placed his hand on my waist so I knew that It was him
Nilingon nya ang kausap ko nakita kung paano sya mairita sa pagngiti sakanya ni Thunder
"Excuse us I'm taking my girlfriend"
At agad nya na akong hinila mula roon
Nadaanan namin ang table nila kanina at nakita kong andun pa si Reveen I'm just wondering if she saw me talking to Thunder nakita ko syang nagiwas ng tingin at bumalik sa kinakain nya
Patuloy parin nya akong hinila at dahil nasa groundfloor kami ay agad nyang pinindot ang lift sa tamang palapag ng Room namin I know that he was pissed right now bat ba kase diko naisip na mali ang ginawa ko lalo pat andun si Reveen sa kabilang table
Tumunog ang lift hudyat na nasa tamang palapag na kami mabilis nya akong hinala patungong kwarto nya ni hindi ako nagdalawang isip na sumama sakanya dahil alam na alam kong may mali rin naman akong ginawa.
Although meron din sya pero I should not considered it because I know that the real person he like is REVEEN!
REVEEN! then I feel pain as I was thingking that name!
Kinalas na nya ang hawak nya mula saakin at hinarap ako
I know that Face!
Nakita ko kung paano nya hinilamusan ang mukha nyang puno ng disappointment!
Then a tears slowly fell from my eyes and it hurts me big time!
All of it was familiar! Just like dad that full of disappointment! I remember how he shout at me with his madness!
I remember how disgusted he was with me! How he told me that "are you really my daughter?! " I remember how mad he was when he saw my Grades! And many things that I failed to exceed his expectations!
All of it! All of it! Was a big disappointment to them
And another batch of tears fell on my eyes
as I was looking at Justin I feel the same thing
I felt how disappointed he was!
I felt how mad he was because of my stupid actions!
"Reveen is watching! Why did you talk to that man while she was watching di kaba nagiisip ha?!!!"
I can hear from his voice how mad he was!
"Diba sinabi ko na sayo na avoid boys!!! Because anytime ay malalaman nya!! How stupid you are! You didn't even think na sobrang laking impact ang ginawa mo?! Pano ko sya mapapaniwalang akin ka talaga! Kung ikaw mismo ay di mo magawang di tumingin sa ibang. Lalaki?! Ganyan kaba? Oh baka naman eh kaliwat kanan yang mga lalaki mo sa Pampanga!"
*Pak*
A hard slap landed to his cheek
Kaya kong tanggapin ang mga maling ginawa ko pero diko kayang tanggapin lahat ng mga paratang sakin !
"Oo! Oo alam kong mali ako! Pero sobra naman yata yung sinabi mo?! I know mali ang makipag usap sa ibang lalaki habang andyan si Reveen even if I knew nakikipag kaibigan lang sakin ang tao! Tanggap ko pa sana yun eh! Pero mali naman yatang paratangan ako sa mga bagay na hindi ko naman ginawa! Bullshit! I know! I know that I was stupid to do that actions! I know that I was wrong! Bat ba ka kase laging mali na lang ako! Yes! Fuck! " - I cursed
" Are you happy to hear that?!
Fuck this life! Kelan ba magiging tama lahat ng pagtingin nyo sakin kelan koba mararanasan yung saya lang! Yung kahit di ako perpekto sapat na ako sakanila? Sainyo!?! I really hate this fucking life because even here!..
Even here in manila I am still a BIG DISAPPOINTMENT! to all "
"And I'm so sorry for not doing my best! Because I'm so fucking stupid!"
I ran back to my room
Ibinagsak ko ang katawan ko sa kama at kumuha ng unan para mayakap.
Damang dama ko kung paano mabasa ang unan mula sa mga mata kong walang tigil ang pagluha
I am such a big disappointment!
Umiyak ako ng umiyak at diko namalayang nakatulog nako dala dala ang sakit ng nararamdaman ko.
