Broken & On The Mend

Chapter 5

Coming back from Mexico was hard. Jack had shown me a relationship you only see in the movies in the numbered days we were together. Of course being the secret romantic I was, I had gushed about it to April. She found it so bloody adorable and for once I was in a state of complete bliss. I hadn't talked to Phil much which didn't bother me. I stayed in contact with Jack for some time. It was wonderful, we snapchatted and tweeted each other and I maintained that until of course, I got to be a 'royal pain in the arse' as Jack so nicely put it. He ended up deleting me off snapchat, but we still follow each other on twitter. Quinn and I stayed friends as well, he is a fine lad. 

My cousin and grandparents had to leave to go abroad shortly after, and of course I was going to miss them. They told me I could go back with them, but truly I couldn't. Colorguard camp started while I was gone and we were suppose to be practicing with the band, but I hadn't been there yet. I had to go so I wouldn't be too far behind and slow everyone else down.

The day I first went back to colorguard was the day Phil had decided to really start picking up contact with me. He still continued to complain about Avery leaving him to me and Bryan. Avery of course heard all about it from me. I just didn't understand. Almost EVERY guy was in love with her, and after her relationships ended they still wanted her. Colorguard was literally getting more awful and painful though. I don't know why I even bothered doing a second year. 

A new girl who I had known from middle school, and was friends with joined. Her name was Emma, and she was a typical pageant girl. She did all the community service and seemed super sweet, but it was almost too sweet. She was also a real knob, and it sounds rude but she truly didn't understand anything. Anyway, in my opinion also she wasn't the most beautiful person I had ever seen either. She certainly didn't know how to dress. Enough about her though for now, she becomes my frenemy quite soon though.

Guard was full of awful people with even worse personalities. So many girls were so two faced and no one kept their mouths shut, not me, nor April. Honeslty no one did. So of course people bashed heads every once in a while. The one that stands out to me the most though is Emma and this generally rude girl named Bianka, got into a heated discussion. Bianka had said something along the lines of 'I honeslty thought you'd be a bitch, and so fake since you did pageants'. Of course Emma didn't want any of that so she started crying. Me and April had both known Bianka for some time and we knew how awful she could be, she just didn't have a filter. So we comforted Emma to the best of our ability. Emma went home that night and told her mom, who then demanded that our instructor remove Bianka from the team. Our instructor refused and sent out a very long email explaining how not everyone gets along and all those kinds of things. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but it did. Why try to get rid of someone who made one wrong comment? It in truth wasn't even all that bad. Later April and I had found out from Avery, who happened to have been best friends with Bianka, that Emma had exaggerated the shit out of what had happened. Emma had even gotten her mom to call and talk to Bianka's mom concerning the whole incident. It was this point when I really started questioning Emma and the friendship I had with her.

Phil had started messaging me everyday, mainly about Avery, until one day I had enough of his bullshit. He was being such a baby and it needed to stop. I had Bryan back me up on it too. It was like something I said had finally clicked. We started talking more and more and I learned more about him other than his love for Avery. He still was one of the most awkward people to be around in person but he was warming up to me. He would wave at me in the hallways and talk to me with his friends and it was nice.

Phil one day just had to complain about Avery so I let him. I told him all about my adventures in Mexico and he agreed that Jack was a sweet guy and stuff. For the first time though I didn't miss Jack when I was talking about him.

The following day at colorguard practice I had my first question about me and Phil's relationship. One of the captains who also happened to have been dating Bryan had asked me if I liked Phil. My initial reaction was NO WAY! We're just friends. But it's like once someone gives you an idea it gets set in motion so that's what happened. I started thinking about Phil in that way and imagining what it would be like if I did like him, or if we did end up in a relationship. That one question ultimately destroyed our friendship to.

I knew the basis about Emma and when she joined I found out she had fancied one of the boys who helped out with guard and I found it adorable. Emma and the rest of the guard were going to the band parties and the boy was a part of the band too so you know she could get her flirt on. I ended up sneaking off with Phil and we went and sat off in the grass. It had been a party at a pool and Phil was a swimmer for a school although he didn't swim that day, since he refused to swim during off season. Phil and I left the party to lay down on the grass. We sat and looked up at the stars for a while. I still don't know how long we sat there. 

Bryan and Dan walked their way up looking for Phil. They stumbled upon us laying in the grass alone. I guess you could say us being like that was questionable but nothing really happened. I can't even tell you what we talked about for all that time, but I doubt it was important since I can't even remember. I realized in that moment though, that Bryan and Dan had known about my feelings, since they awkwardly trotted away saying they would leave us alone. 

Phil and I just continued to lay there as if nothing happened. At one point I even decided to change out of my bathing suit right in front of him. Of course I used a towel to shade my body but it didn't seem like a big deal. I guess you could say sitting off alone with Phil and just talking about nothing really made me realize how I felt for him.

I liked him.

It was a terrifying thing.

I worried of what April would think.

But even more I worried about what Avery would say, she was my friend and she dated him. I was a strong believer and follower of girl code and I didn't want to be a hypocrite. It was an awful thing to be.