paint the grass green | tom holland

Prologue*

It had been stupid and you knew it. Probably the worst decision of your life. But you couldn't take it back now. It had been too long. You couldn't go up to him and say. 'Hey, Tom. Now that I'm seeing you here with another girl I realised that seeing other people isn't really what I wanted. I was just scared of my feelings for you.' No. No way. But it was bothering you. The way he was holding her hand. Her long blonde hair falling over her shoulders in perfect waves. She was pretty. And you couldn't stop your mind from spinning. What if he falls in love with her. What if they get married and have a beautiful family. You knew that's what Tom wants somewhere down the line. The two of you had talked about it a few times. And now you felt like you had missed your chance.

You and Tom met about half a year ago and it all happened pretty quickly. You were practically together after the first date two weeks after you first met. You were so enamoured with him you didn't even question it. No big deal. But then it suddenly was a big deal because it felt like you were moving too fast. You always imagined you'd spent your twenties out partying with your girlfriends, having fun flirting with as many people as you could. Not spending it cuddling on the sofa like an old married couple. Not that there was anything wrong with it. You enjoyed every second of Tom's arms around you and just being with him. But nevertheless you felt like you were missing out on something. Now you knew that you weren't in fact feeling that but rather overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings for Tom.

When you told Tom that you thought it would be a good idea to also see other people he was hurt. He didn't understand why you would want that. He was perfectly happy.

*

"What do you mean you want us to see other people?" He asked. His brows were furrowed and he scooted away from you on the couch to be able to look at you properly.

"You know, like, date other people, too." You shrugged your shoulders.

"So you're breaking up with me?" If possible his forehead crinkled even more and there was an edge to his voice you had never heard before.

"No." You were quick to protest. "I'm just saying that we should maybe have more of an open relationship?" The more you tried to explain it the more confused Tom got. And you couldn't blame him. You weren't really sure what your point was either. The idea had just randomly popped up in your head and you had blurted it out before actually thinking about it.

Tom mulled over it for a moment. "And why exactly do you want that all of a sudden?"

"I think it would be good to find out if we're actually as into each other as we think?"

"What are you saying?"He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Are you questioning your feelings? Or mine? Because I'm sure of my feelings for you and I'm happy with the way things are." You didn't say anything to that. Because that was essentially what it was, wasn't it? You weren't sure if your feelings for him, or his feelings for you, were just an illusion. It was too good to be true.

"Forget I ever said anything." You mumbled and turned back to the TV where the movie you had been watching was still playing. You had missed a good chunk and had no idea what was going on but pretended to pay attention anyway.

"I-" He paused and pressed his lips together for a moment. "I can't forget you just..." Running his hand through his hair and shook his head. "You know what? Maybe you're right." He sighed and turned to look at you. "Maybe we should be seeing other people."

*

That was a couple months ago. And even though you were technically still together you hadn't seen much of each other. You were basically broken up.