I WISH THAT I COULD TELL YOU

Chapter 14 - in which Camila wonders if they will ever be young and wild again

Camila opened her eyes, and found herself face to face with Shawn.  He was staring at her intensely and she stared back.

"What?" she whispered.

"There is a little girl behind me."

"Oh," she smiled.  "There is a little boy between us too."

"So there is."

"Lucky we have a king sized bed."

"Well they don't take up that much room."

"Is she asleep?" 

"NO I'm not because you two are talking, and waking me up!" came a stage whisper as a little head poked up over Shawn's shoulder.

"What time is it?" Shawn asked.  Camila turned and picked up her phone.  "Six am."

"F.....for pete's sake," he said, making her giggle. 

"Who is Pete?"  Lita asked, popping up again.

"Someone who thinks six am is too early to get up on a Sunday."

"Can we have pancakes for breakfast?"  Lita asked.

"I suppose I can make..."

"NO!" Shawn and Lita said loudly in unison.  Max stirred in between them.

"Let's go to the Pancake Shack, and have pancakes with maple syrup and blueberry smoothies," Shawn suggested.

"Well they don't even open until nine am," Camila said drily.

"Plenty of time for showers and diaper changes and feeds and everything," Shawn said.  "Come on button, lets get you ready while Mama feeds Max."

They left the room and she stared down at her baby.  She had changed him when she had brought him in a couple of hours ago.  He had just been a bit grumpy and went straight back to sleep.  She pulled down her nightgown and snuggled him close, offering him her breast.  He latched on and she relaxed, wondering why she ever had a problem with this before.  If it wasn't for her mother he would have gone on the bottle, but she'd breastfed Lita with no problem, and Sinu had rightly understood that when the depression lifted, she would be upset she didn't feed Max herself, as she had always planned to.  Everyone had looked after her so well. She stroked his brown curls, and his dear little face.  The love she felt now was overwhelming, and she could barely fathom there had been a time when she could not even look at him.  She had been attending a support group the last few weeks and she knew that some had it much easier than she did, but many had it much worse, and for much longer, and often without support from partners who didn't understand.  Shawn was wonderful, and always let her choose her own rate of recovery while gently encouraging her and not letting her backslide.  She knew how truly lucky she was.  She wished she could show him how much.  Christmas was coming up and she didn't know what to give him to truly express how she felt, but she would think of something, she just had to hurry up!

They went to their local pancake place and asked for a booth at the back where they'd draw the least amount of attention.  Soon the table was full of plates of pancakes and fruit and Maple Syrup and they all enjoyed the treat, except Max of course, who was still a couple of months away from eating any kind of solid food. As they made their way back to the car she heard a few voices saying their names.

"She's so beautiful," one said.

"I'm glad they're all OK, they're so nice."

It made her smile that they hadn't been forgotten and that people thought nice things of them.

Max was ready for his nap when they got home, so Shawn took Lita to the park, and no sooner had they gone than Camila got a call from Senora Navarro, a friend of her Abuelita's, and a notorious gossip.