California

Chapter 17

I find Jake in the lounge that he's been sleeping in. Quentin is in there drawing. Jake smiles when he sees me.

"Hey. Where ya been?" He asks. Quentin looks up from the table and waves at me.

"Hey Quentin. Do you mind if I talk to Jake for a minute?"

Jake's face drops a little. He walks over to the boy and ruffles his hair. "Hey dude. Why don't you go see if Bucky and Brooklyn need any food or anything?"

He drops his pencil and stands up, rolling his eyes. "Fine. Always getting kicked out of the room. Ugh."

I chuckle as he brushes past me. Jake sits back down on his cot and motions to the one across from him. I take a seat.

"What's up?" He asks hesitantly.

"I don't know how to best bring it up so I'm just gonna be blunt. Did something happen between you and Katie?"

He freezes, dropping his eyes to avoid my gaze. "Who told you that?" He asks accusingly.

"No one. I'm an attorney. I can pick up on things that people are hiding or lying about pretty easily."

He rubs his hands over his face. Finally he gives up. "I loved her."

My heart stops temporarily. "I'm sorry, what? Did you know her before all this?"

"No. That's the crazy thing about it. I only knew her a few days but I loved her. I don't know if it's because I didn't know if we would survive, just being stuck in close quarters, I don't know."

"So you think you'll fall in love with any girl who you have to be in close quarters with for a few days? Except.... me?"

"No no that's not what I'm saying." He groans. "I don't know WHAT I'm saying. I can't explain it." He glances up at me. "We didn't sleep together. We couldn't. But I know if it wasn't for this virus..." his voice trails off.

"You wouldn't have even known her if it wasn't for the virus. I mean if you want to see other people, that's your choice I guess. We're not in a relationship." I try my best to remain calm, knowing I have no right to be upset.

"Are we not?" He sits up, genuine curiosity in his tone.

"I mean we've been seeing each other for a few months but we've never talked about being exclusive. We introduce each other to others as 'friend'. So I'm guessing not...?"

He eyes me for a long few seconds. "Did something happen with you and Steve?"

I tense. "What do you mean?"

"I know you guys used to date, but there's more to it than that. I see him looking at you. And it seems like you're always trying to avoid him. Why? Did something happen between you two recently?"

He was honest with me. I have to return the sentiment. "We avoided each other like the plague at first. But then he said he realized he still had feelings for me. Wanted to see if anything was still there."

"And?" His voice is low and gruff.

"We slept together. It was completely heat of the moment and we haven't really talked much since. He says he doesn't have feelings for Peggy like he does me, like I do you apparently. He got upset when he saw us kiss our first day here."

He shoves up from the cot. "Jesus Christ Charlie."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"So we both fucked up I guess." He says, catching me off guard.

"You didn't do anything with Katie."

"I know but I would have."

I pick at my fingers. "Do you love me? Like how you loved her?"

He sighs heavily. "I care about you... so much." He comes over and kneels in front of me, resting his hands on my knees. "But I just don't know." I nod silently. "Do you love me the way you love Steve?"

I sit up straight and ponder the question before answering honestly. "I loved Steve a long time ago. But I don't love him that way anymore. I think in a way, I'll always have feelings for him. But I was stupid to act on them this time." I rest my hand on his cheek. "I do love you. But..."

"Not the way you should in a romantic relationship." He finishes my sentence. "So where do we go from here?"

I shrug. "I'd prefer not to lose another one of my best friends."

He smirks. "I'm not going anywhere."

We stand up and embrace each other, and it feels like a weight has been lifted. I don't HAVE to be with either of them or anyone. People are outside dying and I should be more worried about that then my love life.

"Come on." I say pulling away. "Let's go find Q."

Jake smiles and wraps his arm around my shoulder, leading me to the lab where the others are. We step inside and he kisses me quickly on the head before gently pushing me away with a laugh. He spots Quentin and walks over while I scan the room, landing on Steve's icy glare. I take a deep breath and approach him.

"Hey. Can we talk?"

He stands up without a word and storms out of the lab, I follow hoping that's what he intended me to do. Jake gives me a reassuring smile as I pass by. Steve is leaning against the wall just outside the room.

"That was dramatic."

He sighs. "What do you want Charlie? To tell me things are peachy with you and Jake now?"

"No actually. We broke up."

He lifts his gaze to meet my eyes. "You guys were touching and laughing when you walked in. And you expect me to believe you broke up?"

I lean against the wall across from him and nod. "Whether you believe it or not, it's true. But Jake's one of my best friends. And I think deep down that's what we always were and we were wrong for thinking we were more than that."

"Are you okay?"

His question catches me off guard. "I am great actually. I got a lot of clarity in our break up discussion."

"Like what?"

I sigh heavily and prepare for an outburst. "Like I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. There's too much going on. It's too much to handle. But I'm okay with it. I'm not that person that HAS to be with someone to be happy."

He stares at me intensely. "So that includes me."

"Yes Steve. That includes you."

"Peggy ended things with me last night. Basically for the same reason you just said. Too much going on and she can't stay focused on me, that it wasn't fair to either of us."

I nod. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Maybe it's for the best. All of this. I never should've assumed we could pick things back up. I probably never should've come to your office to begin with." Before I could argue, he kisses me on the head. "Goodbye Charlie. I'll always love you."