Finding What Is Lost. SnapeXReader

Not Just a Crush

You leave dinner early. You say nothing to no one about your departure, but thankfully no intercepts you. Though it takes you quite awhile you make it back to your classroom and enter into your chambers. It is a lot cleaner then you had expected. It looks as though it had been freshly cleaned. It has only a small bed with a stand next to it. At the end of the room there is a large window that portrudes from the wall. It has a window seat with a few cushions on it. You walk over to the window, seeing that there is a small note. It reads:

I am sorry your classroom was not clean. Not having been down there in awhile I didn't realize how dirty it had gotten. Severus informed me that you had been cleaning all day, so I had a few kind House Elves come to your room and clean it just a bit. Again, my sincere apologies for the mess. We are so thankful to have you here at Hogwarts.
Your Dear Friend,
Dumbledore

Severus told Dumbledore you had been cleaning all day? Why? Did he know Dumbledore would do something about it? Why is this man so confusing?

As though the thought of Severus had summoned him, a knock and voice came from outside your locked chamber doors. "It's Severus, may I enter?" Your heart pounds. That small sentence was the most he had said to you in the past 8 hours. What was he doing here? At this house?

"Yes, yes of course, come in Sna-Severus," you reply after a short pause. The door opens and in walks Severus. He does not have his robes on, but only a long sleeve black shirt, and his usual black pants. You realize that this is the first time you have ever really seen the outline of his body. He is more muscular than you had imagined. His strong looking chest makes you tell yourself to focus on his face.

"May I?" He asks gesturing towards the little room left on your window seat.

"Of course, of course," you say scooting to give him more room. He swiftly walks over and sits down. You are immediately aware that you are not wearing your professor robes either. You had taken them off when you had entered your classroom. You were wearing a small with shirt and tight black pants, both showing the curves you have. You wrap your arms around your stomach, suddenly feeling like how you did when you were fifteen and had begun to discover people had certain beauty standards just like the blood standards they have.

Severus doesn't seem to notice your sudden surge of self-consciousness. He is looking out your window that-just like your classroom windows, are mirroring what the windows a few levels up see. For some reason you stare at his face. You notice the deeper lines in his face and the tired look underneath his eyes. Yet, his face is more handsome to you than anyone else you have ever met. Even while you were in France, a place that was overflowing with attractive people, you have never met anyone who held the certain and unique attractiveness that Severus Snape holds. What was it about him that made him that way. It wasn't his personality. You knew his true nature was kind and thoughtful, but he had never shared that side with you before. His body wasn't really anything special. It wasn't the most fit. It wasn't the most skinny. It wasn't the most lean. Yet, it was a very attractive body. You couldn't explain what it was about Severus Snape that had always drawn you to him. Even as first year student you were excited to be in his presence, though it was until your fifth year that you realized it was a crush that you had. But it was more than a crush. At least now it was. You have had traumatic things happen to you, you have traveled all around the world, you've met countless people. Yet, it was Severus Snape that has always stayed on your mind. Even now, after a few years, it was Severus Snape you had come back to. Of course Dumbledore had offered the job from his own accord. But really, you had accepted because deep in your heart you knew being around Severus Snape again was exactly what you wanted.

"Don't you think Stella?" Severus asks, interupting your thoughts. He is now looking right at you. You don't look away.

"Sorry, what was that?" You ask, embarrassed that you hadn't caught a word of what he had said.

Unlike his usual character, Severus chuckled, smiled a small smile, and looked back at the window. This time you were able to pull your eyes away and look out the window as well. "I was saying, how beautiful your view from here is. Even as a reflection."

"Ah, yes, yes I quite agree." You reply, trying not to guess why he is here. There is silence between you two as you both watch the sun set. Oh what you wouldn't give to give your sixteen year old self this moment. It's quite a special time. You want to speak up and ask what Severus was thinking but you decide against it. Let him lead the conversation.

After a long while, Severus speaks up, "I do remember that day. The day you left, that is." Your stomach drops. Your voice seems to be stuck in your throat. You heart begins to pound even harder than it already was. The almost dark lake suddenly becomes extremely interesting.

"You do?" You say after what felt like hours.

Severus nods his head. "It broke my heart," his voice his barely audible. The emotion in his normally emotionless voice catches you off guard and you turn to look at him. At that moment you notice a single tear drip out of his eye nearest to you and fall down his cheek. A quick flutter and then a wrenching pain sears your heart. "When you had-come up to me, with your face-your face drenched in tears," Severus began to elaborate his voice shaky and still very soft, he did not look at you, but continued to stare our the window. "I didn't know what to do. I knew what-what I wanted to do-but I couldn't. I hated to see you go. I wanted to-to say more, but the frog in my throat hadn't allowed me to." Water begins to build up in your tear ducts. Giving in to your natural reaction, you place your hand on Severus Snape's hand as the memory reappears in your mind...