Safe

Chapter 13: Not Half-Bad

My belly is growing fast, and time is rushing past. It's already November. I'm so much bigger. I've gained a lot of weight, and my baby bump is huge.

I'm eating lunch (sandwiches) at the moment. I've got a check-up before Christmas. I'm hoping that Rosabel's heartbeat is better, strong and normal.

I brush off the crumbs from my hands, and head to my next class. I've been studying a lot lately. The nights are still hard, but I'm focusing better and I spend a lot of time at the library.

I'm a few minutes early for math, so I get out my phone and check Instagram again. A picture pops up in front of me. It's Luna's. A view of the sky and the clouds from an airplane. I'll be home for Xmas!! the caption reads and my heart begins to pound. I check my text messages to see if she's sent anything more. I never answered her when she sent me that text before.

The classroom door opens and my math teacher Mr Holland lets us in. I take my usual window seat in a corner and zoom out as he begins to talk about the exam we had before. Apparently, he'll be showing us our results today. I try not to think negatively, I mean Lucas helped me a lot with studying and all, but it's hard not to.

Mr Holland slams my exam paper onto my school desk and I turn it over to see my grade. I swear my mouth literally opens when I see it, without me thinking it.

C. I got a C on my math exam. I giggle a little for myself and Mr Holland gives me a smile. "I was worried you wouldn't pass," he said. "You haven't really been paying attention lately."

"Thank you so much, Mr Holland!" I grin.

"This was all you, Evie, and I have to say well done. I hope that you'll continue on this track next term, huh?"

"I'll try."

•••

I'm drinking a carton of apple juice on my break before my last lesson for the week starts. My cravings have been so crazy lately. I sneak up at night to drink some apple juice, it's the strongest craving yet. The white chocolate thing has passed a bit, but it can still come back strongly at times.

I'm watching a clip on YouTube - a birth vlog. I'm started to get seriously worried about that part. The baby isn't expected until May, but still, I'm not sure how I'm going to manage.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around to see Adolfo behind me. He goes to another school so I'm surprised to see him. I give him a  hug and he sits down beside me on my bench.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"My violin class is here," he explains. "What about you? What are you doing?"

"Waiting for my next class."

He puts a hand on my belly and asks if I've felt a kick yet, I shake my head. I really want to feel her kick. I know it may hurt, but everything hurts these days so I'm kind of well prepared.

"What you watching?" Adolfo nods toward my phone.

"Oh a birth vlog," I say.

"Cool!" He gets out his earphones from his backpack and connects them to mine, then we watch together. It feels weird at first that he wants to see this, but after a while, I'm just so caught up in my own anxiety that I sort of forget.

I bite my lip hard and try to take a deep breath, but it doesn't work. He grabs my hand and I squeeze it tight.

He's my best friend. He's always been there for me and I know he's going to support me with this. I've never thought of him as more of a friend. To be honest, I don't think I will. When you have a friend as good as this, it's difficult to grow feelings for them. I hope that he won't abandon me. I don't mind if he gets a girlfriend or something, but I just want to know I'm safe with him, like I'm safe with Rosabel and Abby.

"Evie?" A voice says behind me and I turn around. It's Mrs McPherson. She looks sunny. Her dress is yellow and her hair let down over her shoulders. She smiles at me, then at Adolfo, who gets up to shake her hand.

"Hi, I'm Adolfo, her friend," he says.

"I'm her English teacher," she says. "Deidre McPherson."

"Really? Your name is Deidre? Wow, cool."

Mrs McPherson asks to see me in her classroom. I hand over my phone and earphones to Adolfo. "Watch till the end and tell me if I still want to go through with it." He chuckles, but stops abruptly. I guess he doesn't know if it's a joke or not. You and me both.

We walk into the classroom. It's empty and cold. I wrap my hoodie around myself, since I can't zip it, and sit down.

Mrs McPherson digs out something from her bottom drawer and hands it to me. It's my essay on "Night Walking", the book review. She told me my grade this week, so I don't really see what else she wants. I was happy about my grade, it was what I wanted - and needed.

"I had to print it out," she says. "It was really, really good, Evie."

"Oh! Ummm... thank you."

Mrs McPherson puts her hands in the air as a stop sign. "Don't thank me. I had nothing to do with it. But I did really enjoy reading it. You painted quite a picture. And your language was so beautiful."

I shrug as I feel my cheeks starting to burn from my blush. "They were just my thoughts on the book," I say.

"Nonetheless, it was beautiful."

"Thank you."

She leans back in her seat, braiding together her hands and putting them on her stomach. I can see her stomach rising and sinking as she breathes, and I wish the pressure over my own chest would disappear.

"Did you ever think about writing for a living?" She asks. "You could be a great author."

"It's never been a dream of mine, I guess. I-I haven't really thought I wrote good stuff before."

"Well you do. And with some more confidence, effort and time, I think you could really do great. I know things are going to get tougher when you have your baby."

"Did I tell you it's a girl?"

"No, but congratulations." I smile as a thank you. "I don't know what your plans are for the future."

"Non-existent," I say, only half-joking.

"Well, maybe you could think about writing more. I think you have a real talent for it, Evie. Give yourself some credit, okay?"

"I'll think about it."

I struggle up from my seat and leave the classroom. I'm shivering and my lip is shaking. Adolfo looks terrified, white as a sheet and an expression as though he just ate a snail. All I can do is laugh. Things are going to get so bad, all I can do is laugh about it.