Safe

Chapter 17: Snap

Adolfo has gone on a skiing trip with his family. They wanted to see snow before the winter ends, he said.

I'm making vegetarian lasagna for dinner while listening to a radio show about babies. Abby's sitting down at the kitchen table, anxiously flipping through a magazine. Today, Lucas got a promotion and we promised him a good dinner, but Abby got a migraine and I wanted her to rest. She's worried I'm going to mess things up though.

The lady on the radio show has a sweet, young voice, as in she uses a lot of "likes" when she speaks. She's telling me about what to do when a baby cries and suddenly I just start sobbing. Abby gets up from her chair straight away, pulling me away from the pasta.

"What's wrong? Did something happen with the food?" She asks far too quickly for the rest of her body to keep up.

"T-the radio sh-show and t-the woman she..." I sniffle.

"What? What? What happened?"

I bury my face in my hands. "I d-don't want m-my baby to be c-crying," I sob.

Abby pulls me into a hug. "Aww, come now, everything's okay, everyone's okay."

The door opens as I'm crying into Abby's arms, head pushing against her chest. Lucas stands in the hallway in his suit, holding some flowers. He rushes up to us, putting a hand on Abby's shoulder. "What's wrong? What's going on? Is everything okay with the baby?"

"Mood swings," Abby whispers to him, expecting me not to hear but I do and pull away from her.

"Mood swings?!" I yell. "I am not having mood swings. I am seriously upset by that radio show!"

"What happened on the radio show, Evie?" Lucas asks as he goes vase hunting.

"They were talking about babies and crying and I was generally upset by it," I explain. "It's not just mood swings. I'm very stressed, okay?"

Abby pulls a hand through her hair and it falls on her shoulders beautifully. "Okay, sure, whatever you say. When's the next doctors appointment?"

I would have had one in like May, closer to my due date, but with the baby's heartbeat they've scheduled more meetings. I have one every other month sort of.

I finish the lasagna and Lucas opens a bottle of wine. He says he can afford to buy it now with the promotion. Lucas and Abby go all smoochy, kissing each other and saying how proud they are of each other. It makes me gag.

We eat the lasagna late, since I forgot to turn on the oven. They drink wine and I drink apple juice. Lucas does most of the talking, anecdotes about the office, funny stories. I don't really listen. I hear them laughing at times, eating loudly, cutting up pieces of their food.

Honestly, I'm not that hungry. I do the dishes while they go into the living room to watch a movie, then I go outside. It's still rather cold, but it's getting warmer by the day. The trees are gaining leaves again, the pavements are filled with tiny puddles, the sun is hiding between some light grey clouds.

I sit down on the same bench I did this autumn, leaning against the back of the bench and letting the little rays of sunshine that find their way to me shine on my face. My ankles are aching, and I rub my belly. Abby promised me a foot massage today, but I guess she's busy now.

I'm nervous about the doctors appointment, of course. I don't know what they're going to say about the baby. They told me in December that the heartbeat was abnormal and it wasn't just a temporary pregnancy thing. They couldn't see the problem before birth but they still booked in more appointments to check it extra much.