Good Girl Bad Girl (A Trevor Jackson Story)

27. "He Told Me I Mattered."

“Okay girl, I'm enough of this. You are gonna tell us what happened right now. You're not the same anymore and we want to know why. Explain.”
I knew it wasn't worth the energy to fight with Olivia, because she was going to win anyway.
April and my best friend were both sat on my bed, in front of me, this sunday afternoon.

“Alright” I sighed. “So, remember at that party ?”
“Of course, it's where it happened” Olivia rolled her eyes. She can be so impatient at some times.
“I was just dancing with him, for the second time.”
“Second time of the night ?”
“No, second time of the day.”
“When did you guys dance together ???”
“Um, earlier that day, we saw eachother at the school's gymnase...”
“At school a sunday ?!” Olivia exclaimed.
“Stop interrupting her” April rolled her eyes.
“Sorry” Olivia apologized.
“And anyways, we danced there...and we also kissed.”
April was the only one surprised, since Olivia already knew.
“We decided to forget, and everything was back to normal, except that when we danced, we almost kissed again. We didn't and I walked away to just take a drink-”
“You turned around and saw him kissing someone else ?!” Olivia tried to guess.
“Olivia, shut. Up !” April told.
“Sorry” she repeated.
“I was just drinking” I continued. “But Lori arrived and asked me about our relationship. I told her we were friends, though he tried to kiss me... Anyways as the conversation got on she told me 'good luck', almost ironicly. I didn't understand why, so I asked her. And she told me...”
I took a deep breath, trying to control my feelings.

“She told me that when he wanted a good girl, he could change for her. Just temporarly, to get in her pants. Make her believe he's a sweet guy, then dump her after he got what he wanted. The thing is that it's not that I lost him that's bothering me, but it's that I could've known. I thought I was smarter than that ! Of course he's like this, I knew it. I don't know why I trusted him. I thought he did change, but he didn't.”
When I looked at their almost embarrassed faces, I guessed on my own.
“You guys knew about this ?” I asked. “You had guessed his game ?”
“We thought that way at first” Olivia defended herself, pity in her eyes. “But we looked at both of you and thought he really liked you... We didn't want to make you sad...”
“So you prefered that HE hurt me. Instead of you. You guys didn't warn me.”
“Because we didn't have to ! I swear I thought he had feelings for you. Diggy told me. You told me. You told me you overheard a conversation with his little sister about you.”
Just when she finished her sentence, April's phone rang.
“I'm sorry guys...” this one told, silence since a few minutes. “It's my mom. I gotta get back home.”
“It's okay.” I fake smiled.
We hugged her and she left.
There was a bit of a silent until Olivia spoke up :

“Are you mad at me ?”
I sighed. “No, I'm not. It's in the past anyway. This guy doesn't even exist anymore ; not for me. I moved on.”
Olivia looked at me. Saying “Really ? I don't believe you” just with her eyes.
Despite myself, my chin trembled. “I thought I did” I let out a sob.
Olivia hugged me as I continued : “But recently we talked and I just-”

Another sob interrupted me as the first tears flowded. She shushed me to calm me down. I waited a bit and pulled away, still crying.
“I don't even care about him or losing him, the thing is that I was so humiliated ! I couldn't believe he would do this to me after all the moments we spend together. Doesn't he have a heart ?”

Olivia shook her head. “Sorry to tell you this Maddie...but I don't think he does.”
I faked a light smile and wiped away my tears.
“What did you talk about recently ?” Olivia softly asked.
I shrugged. “He told me I mattered. He asked me to explain. Like he didn't know. I told him to stop. To stop trying to apologize...but he wanted to know what to apologize for. I didn't tell him. He just told me I mattered. And I left.”
I stayed silent again and pursued :

“ I haven't spoken to Trevor since one week. I crossed him in the hallways from time to time, but I did my best to see him the less I could, by switching places with Amy in Mrs. Deep's class, -so that I wouldn't be next to him anymore-, stopping his tutor lessons, and not be with Diggy a lot ; he's his best friend, so now Diggy and I don't see eachother as much as before.
Since our last conversation, at the park, -that I can't forget- I'm even more distant. Because I feel like it brought us close. What he said. And I don't want to fall into his trap again. So I distance myself even more”
“What do you mean it brought you close ?”
“He told me I mattered.” I repeated, this time accentuating my words.
I looked at her. “Some people tell me they love me, and it just seems plain because everyone says this sentence at least once in their life. But...no one ever told me I mattered. And even though I know it wasn't true, it had impact on me.”
I sighed again.
“But it's okay ; Eric and I are going well, we're happy. He's one of the sweetest guy on earth, and that, I wouln't replace it for the world. This what matters in a guy. Not his sex-appeal.”
Olivia looked at me like she was trying to read in me, and also convince me to believe or repeat what I just said.
“You know damn well Eric ain't Trevor.”
I shivered at that sentence. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it was true.

“You know damn well he doesn't make you feel like Trevor did. No, like Trevor does. Even right now, at this moment when you're mad at him, he could make you feel more emotions that Eric ever could. Even the fact that you're in this condition -mad and sad- proves it. He has the power to make you sad and mad. He has so much effect on you, you know that.”
“But what do you want me to do ? Trevor is Trevor, he-”
“I know what he is, I know you won't ever go back to him, and if I were you I wouldn't either. But what I mean is, don't lie to Eric. He's a sweet guy. He doesn't deserve that. Don't lie to him, and don't lie to yourself.”

She was right.
I sighed for the hundredth time. “But I don't know what to do, Olivia ! I feel like I can't get over Trevor even though I haven't ever been with him but I care about him more than Eric who's so nice ! And I feel really unfair because the kind of interest I have towards Trevor is so shallow. If he had hedgehog hair and smelled like roasted pig, I wouldn't like him as much.”
“Roasted pig ?!” Olivia exclaimed with a surprised 'what the flying fuck' face.
I exploded of laughter.

~ ~ ~

"Oh is he the guy with hedgehog hair that smells like meat ???" he told.
Surprised by that, I let out a laugh.
"What ? He doesn't smell like meat..."
"He does."
"Actually I never got to smell him... Did you ?" I asked, lifting one eyebrow.
His eyes widened. "Not in that way !!"
I laughed and shook my head then turned to the board, ready to listen when Mrs. Deep will begin.

~ ~ ~

"You're Eric right ?" Trevor asked.
"Yes."
"Nice bruh" he answered.
He then turned to me. "So about the meat thing-"
"Shut up" I said as I pushed him to sit down next to Eric again.
"Eric where were we ?"
[...]
I then thought about what he told me ; I never payed attention, but maybe Eric do smells like meat... I sniffled a bit, my eyes wrinkled, waiting for a result. Trevor saw me and he let out a beginning of laugh really loud and covered his mouth to stop the sound, so actually it didn't really look like a laugh.
"Are you okay ?" Eric looked up at him, watching him weirdly.
Trevor nodded, his hand still on his mouth. Eric  read again and Trevor and I looked at eachother, trying to contain our laughter.

~ ~ ~

“Eric kinda smells like meat” I blushed, embarrassed that I laughed so much. It was mean of me.
“Really ? I never noticed” Olivia looked up in the air, thinking.
“I didn't either until Trevor told me.”
“Oh, Trevor told you ?” she smirked.
I glanced at her. “Stop it.”
She started to laugh. “Stop it !!” I smiled with her and attacked her on the bed so she would shut up.
Good moments don't last forever, but when you think about it, bad moments don't either.

A/N : Merry Christmas everyone ^.^ <3 :*