Complicated

Chapter 5: Memories

  Broken, the only word that might come close to describing my feelings. Back before all this, I was stupid, a total idiot. I let my stubborness over my true feelings and...and if only...if I.... I shouldn't have been so cruel...

  The sun was setting and the breeze lightly whistled past my ears as I walked carefree along the sidewalk. Life seemed good; school wasn't too hard, I had a best friend who I could always count on and I was content the way everything was. Of course all good things must come to an end.

  I heard fast footfalls behind me and turned to face them. There was Sauron, as awkward and captivating as always. When he got to me he stopped and rested his hands on his knees in order to catch his breath. I gave him a friendly greeting and he returned it with a warm smile. Seeing him smile always made me happy and if I could I would keep him happy like that forever.

  "Why are you -pant- out so -pant- late."

  I looked to the sky and to the slowly darkening purples and yellows, "I guess it is getting late isn't it," I sighed, "I miss the shorter days of winter."

  He laughed finally catching his breath, "Then you'd have to go in sooner."

  "Would no-" I turned to see his face quite close to mine and almost fell backward.

  He caught my elbow and chuckled again, "Clumsy much?"

  "Shut up," I pulled my arm away from him to cross both of them.

  He moved to force me to look at him, "Aw don't be mad."

  I glared in return but his stare eventually broke me and I ended up laughing to which he joined. We walked together down the sidewalk, even though my house was the other direction. This left us lots of time to get lost in our own thoughts, and so we did. I imagined a wide field, blanketed in snow with little ice crystals falling from the sky. The wind blew the snow up in swirls that graced my skin but no cold bit. I bent down and scooped up a handful of the fluff and then proceeded to take a bite into the powdered water. It filled my mouth with the sweet taste of cotton candy and sent the rest of my senses a fizz.

  My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by Sauron's hand on my shoulder and the rush if spring and reality came back to me. We were standing next to the old park. We used to go there everyday when we were kids but presently it was condemned because of 'safety' risks. Across the entrance was a crisp piece of yellow police tape. I saw him smile from the side and then he ducked under the tape and beconed for me to follow. I did so.

  Besides the rust that coated the metal slides and peeling of pain, the park was exactly how I had remembered it. I smiled recollecting the old memories and felt warm on the inside. He moved towards the big slide where I followed curiously. He stared to climb the frame of the structure and I smiled, realizing his purpose. I started to climb to and seeing this he offered his hand. I took it great fully and with each others help, we got to the top.

  He sat on the edge of the big slide with his back against the pillar at the top and sighed, "I really missed this."

  I stood, leaning on the pillar beside him and crossing my feet, "I agree."

  It took time but after a while of calm silence we started to talk about many things. From past to present, present to future, and everything in between. It was so nice to talk about old times because highschool made it so difficult to stay as close as before.

  He rested his hand on his chin and stopped talking for a while which, naturally, I complied with. I watched him intently and after a while he turned to me but as soon as he saw me looking back at him his cheeks went red and he flicked back to his original position. Besides the tint of red that still lay there, his face went emotionless and he looked even deeper in thought.

  "Arden...?" He said very hesitantly.

  "Yes?" I tilted my head, completely in the dark about why he was acting like this.

  His lips moved but I didn't hear the words, or at least, I pretended not to. I didn't want to hear them, they were to horrible therefore he couldn't have said them. Spite and destest was all I could feel, the reasoning behind my feelings was valid but my actions still didn't refect upon them properly.

  I let my hair fall in front of my face and almost whispered the next few words, "I could never like someone like you."

  Not looking at him I stepped off the structure and fell to the ground, bending my knees and sinking close to the ground. I ran, as always when I can't think of anything else to do. This was where all my problems started.

  Why are you running?! And after a response like that!

  I didn't know what else to do.

  How bout 'I dont want to ruin our friendship'or 'I don't like you in that way'

  Ok ok I know, I panicked.

I ended up running all the way home and when  I walked in the door it felt...cold. I looked around and found a note that basically said my parents were out. I sat down on the kitchen floor, too tired to go upstairs, and buried my face in my knees. My thoughts then went wild, switching sides every few seconds and trying to figure out what to do next. After much bickering, my head hurt and I just hoped for some sleep.

  Stumbling up the stairs to my bedroom that night was not an easy task. I was wobbly, off balance, unfocussed and just plain out of it. When I finally made it to my bed I shoved off the notepads and pencils and things that sat on it and lay there instead. I did not receive a wink of sleep that night.

  All I did was stare at my ceiling and repeat over and over again in my head, I hate him I hate him...I hate him...