Ｔｈｅ Ｃｈｏｉｃｅ ☆♚♌❣

The Hierophant On Defense ➹➹

Standing in front of my mirror , I didn't know what to do after shower .. Oh yes ! What should I wear ? The lace jumpsuit or a black short dress I bought long time ago but never wore it .. I loved black, he never did . I thought he wouldn't like the dress because of its color, I didn't want to look dramatic either .. So I went for lace wide leg outfit , sexy classy comfortable and it was a navy color ! I let my hair down , put on a ring , a bracelet , a lip gloss and blush; I wasn't a big fan of makeup either.. and around 7.30 pm I took a cab and headed towards the restaurant downtown ~~

I kept checking on my phone every two minutes , he never called , not even to make sure I was on the way or .. whatever! He must be there waiting for sure .. I arrived, looked around but his car wasn't anywhere near that place. So , I guess I'll be the one waiting huh! I hated myself , I was about to stop that cab and go back ... But fine, he invited me ! Sure thing he had a lot to say ..and explain !!

I took my seat at the table across the window and waited .. 

Carefully recalling that lady's words :" With the Six of Swords, your person is ready to move forward but there's going to be a conversation that's going to enable the two of you to move forward with one another and with "clarity" because that is your worry, a lack of clarity that comes with (Am I gonna end up in a healthy relationship or this is going to be another toxic one, is it safe ..not ?) With the Nine of wands, you're hurt and clearly indecisive.. you're scared of the outcome, that's why you should talk it out ! " Well that resonated with what I also remembered when she pulled The High Priestess with the Nine of Swords (Stress), it was about solving my issues that caused me to feel this way, dig deep into my heart and bring everything to the surface which was the only way out with him !!

Just when I was tormenting myself with so much thinking, I saw him coming in .. The same confident alluring steps, the rolled-sleeved blazer, fitted neck T-shirt , the pair of dark jeans and comfortable white sneakers .. Any woman would try her ways to seduce this man! He was perfect!! He got close smiled and took me in his arms for a hug; the kind of hug you never want to end , the fragrance that takes you places, I never wanted to detach myself from him .. Yesss I missed him like crazy!! His charming face lighted up my heart as he looked at me in the eyes .. Except I was just mesmerized by his caramel hair , green hazel eyes and delightful smile still barely hidden under a silky light brown beard ... How can someone be this sexy classy and cute at the same time ?!!! My heart was pounding non stop ..

"You grew a beard !""Haha, does it look weird ? I don't have time to shave anymore!""No, not weird but different and ..you look fine!" , I could barely hold my smile .. but the words -sexy- enticing - stunning- almost slipped out my mouth .. but I refrained .. I just kept quiet , I felt so awkward seeing him after all this time . We sat then, ordered few dishes and started talking about life, well: Recent present, work , variety shows until the food was nicely served and we digged in together with forkets as we used to ... but nothing about "us", it's like he kept bringing up stories and topics outta nowhere when we went silent at times.. Okay I needed to say something !!

"ENOUGH now !" , waw now that sounded a bit intense , his facial expression turned serious as he stared at me wondering while frowning his eyebrows and replied quietly :" What is it ? are you okay ..? " ... No and Yes , well that wasn't even my answer .."Tell me why you called me tonight ..! Just be honest and tell me everything ! Because I don't get it, you ghosted me, you never called ..you disappeared like we never were together, and that's funny because I forgot you existed and I deserve to know the truth .." , I didn't believe what I just told him , damn it now he's going to think I was depressed and desperate when he was gone.. I wished the ground would open and swallow me up !! 

However, he smiled widely and his eyes were shining so bright : " Oh I see you're mad at me .. but I miss you and I miss us , I'm going to tell you everything you want to hear and answer all your questions ..I promise " ~~

I can't even express how relieved I was at that moment when he decided to speak out . There was another woman! A woman who's very toxic at his workplace, they happened to hook up once and she was after him since then ..He said it was a mistake , but now she's harassing him , threatening his postion and reputation .. He was regretful which showed in the way he talked and sighed .. turning away his eyes from me ect..  Bottom line, he felt bit sorry but inviting me tonight was a must for him and that's what he said .. Honestly , I was no one to tell him why did you do that or how , I only felt bitterness and disappointment !

The tarot cards were right !! Again !! Again her voice was heard inside of my head : "On their side, they get The Ten of Pentacles , The Moon and the Six of Wands ; Secretly , they want something , they want something  of"Long Term" with someone .. and wanting it secretly is making them feel pretty damn good, they won't be loud about it, no ..it's hidden inside, it's fun , new , it's like they wanna see this growing , progressing! " Well he didn't mention any of this but maybe the fact he showed up was an initiative towards getting together and all considering how warm, sweet , happy he was during dinner and how interested and full ears he sat listening to me .. Yet I was floating away , confused . I just don't know if there could be even room for a real healthy relationship. He was everything I wanted but I don't know now. There was distance between us, we were shutdown. Before, he acted like he was afraid which made me worse, I got it now that he told me his reasons , but ...

Fair enough recalling my side of the deck that had "the King of Swords, the Nine of wands and the Seven of Swords" !!! Yeaaahh pretty much what I thought : I wanted the same thing with them (this person) however , the reader lady told me that I needed to drop my wands , because it was just difficult to go towards them , though deep down and around me, everything was pushing me to give this man a chance but because clearly something kept holding me back , I won't !!  .. I'm afraid and this woman is in the picture too , just like in the "connection side" :Three more cards were pulled : " The Page of Wands , the Three of Pentacles and The Hierophant" , she smirked and uttered in surprise (again) :" What's this ?!! .. it could be someone else involved , and it's with them , and somebody hasn't gotten over them from their past am sure "!

In fact , The Hierophant was mainly the key , it's confusion of feelings and the need to seek a deeper meaning in life over personal things like relationships ! Maybe I don't want this anymore .. I mean just on point !!

Thank you cards , he came to reveal his dark shit , and there's No way I can put up with .. I don't want to play the cool girlfriend and pretend , I surely don't want to be betrayed and lied to .. My thoughts went wildly disturbing while he drove me home, he was a chatterbox, I was silent .. 

 At the door he got really close to my face , I knew he longed for a kiss but, I took a step back instead and said :

" Thanks for the drive, Good Night " ~~