jades diary🖤

chaper 3

Dear Diary,

I was on my way to Sikoitz class room, walking very fast so I could avoid the beautiful brunette. I can't stop thinking about her. I have to figure out what these feelings are. Why did I want her to befriend me so badly? I hate her so much because no matter how much I try, I can't stop thinking about her! I haven't ever felt this way before.

I walked into Sikoitz classroom, and sat down in the same seat I do every day. Tori came in right after me and walked in front of me. She was wearing black leggings and a purple shirt. I found myself staring at her. I don't know why but I had to fight to keep my eyes off her butt jiggling from each step she took.

Oh my god! What am I thinking?! Why is it so hard to stop thinking about her? I hate myself for it! As she sat down, I inhaled her sweet strawberry scent, and softly smiled. My stomach was fluttering.

The beautiful half latino girl turned towards me as I quickly turned away. "Now look who's starring" She said with a smirk. A sharp pain hit my chest and I could feel myself getting red.

Beck walked in and took the seat in front of me. "Hey babe" he called out to me. I felt nothing. He turned back at me and smiled. I tried to smile back but I guess it wouldn't come out because Beck then said "You okay?" My stomach started churning and I replied with a low voiced "I'm fine" even though I wasn't. I was a long way from fine.

I could hardly breathe. I sat there with my hands hanging on either side of my side. I held my breath as I felt the beautiful brunettes hand brush against mine. I hated myself for loving it so much. The fluttering in my stomach had then escalated way too much. I continued looking away, afraid of what she'd see in my eyes if I dare looked.

I wanted her to touch my hand again. I noticed she was starring at me. I felt my heart beating in and out of my chest. I quickly glanced at her and then looked away. My heart then dropped into my stomach and I held my breath as she grabbed my hand. My stomach filled with butterflies.

I felt my face get even redder. My heart was tingling and my stomach fluttered. I suddenly felt the urge to rest my head on her shoulder. Wait! What was I thinking.

Self hatred bubbled up within me. Why did I enjoy doing this. I shouldn't! It's so wrong. I started thinking about the feelings I had whenever Tori was around. Why did I feel them so strongly? Why did I want her to like me so badly? Why do I constantly think about her and wish to be in contact with her beautiful soft skin?

Cat looked back at Tori and I and saw that we where holding hands. I pulled away as quickly as I could. There was an extra large lump in my throat. I stood up as quickly as I could and speedily walked to the nearest bathroom.

I entered the bathroom and took a long glance at myself in the mirror. I felt it was hard to breath. My face got hot as I kept replaying in my mind how Tori and I where sitting there hand in hand. I started to understand what I was feeling. I felt overwhelmed with dizziness.

I tried to resist but I couldn't. I desperately rolled up my sleeve to my left elbow, revealing red scars made of dry blood. They filled my arm in different lengths and sizes. Some where parallel and some crossed. It brung me much pleasure.

I grabbed my new pair of black scissors and opened them as much as possible. I placed the blade on the thick skin close to my elbow and pulled until the blade reached my wrist I started off slow and gradually added speed. I frantically marked my wrist with X's and lines. I loved the way it stung. I felt all the pain in my heart released and replaced by the stinging of my bloody arm.

"What are you doing?!" I hear a voice that sounded in shock and in pain. I quickly pull my sleeve down and turn around to see the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. Tori looked at me with passion and disbelief.

"I'm fine!" I snapped the lump in my throat making it hard to speak. I felt guilty, ashamed and embarrassed, still not completely sure how much she had seen. I felt the urge to hug her and lean my head on her chest letting my tears release from my eyes.

It was at that very moment when I realized that I had feelings for her. Romantic feelings. "I saw your wrist" she said, taking three steps closer. The space between us was very minimal and I felt myself resisting the urge to grab her in and pull her closer.

She grabbed my left arm. Though it seemed impossible, my stomach began to flutter even more. The beautiful half latino girls face turned a bright shade of pink and I was sure mine matched it.

I had every reason to pull away and even though everything inside of my was screaming at me to do so, I stayed. I looked away as I felt her slowly and gently lifting up my sleeve. I held my breath as she stared at my arm in complete disbelief and sadness.

Then she looked up at me. I turned to meet her face to face, but I didn't have the courage to look her in the eyes. My gaze was towards the ground as she asked me "When did you start doing this to yourself"

I stayed quiet afraid that if I spoke, my eyes would overflow with tears. I just shook my head. My face was burning and I held my breath doing everything I could to hold back the tears. Tori was now holding both of my hands and squeezed them before letting go. She took her right hand and used it to lift up my chin forcing me to look her in the eye.

That was when I finally let go of my breath and broke down into tears that burned my cheeks. Tori put one hand behind my head and pulled my face into her small chest close to her heart. She wrapped her arms around me and held me close as I sobbed.

My knees became weak as I lowered myself to the ground. We where both sitting against the wall as I was still leaning into her chest. My sobs became weaker and softer and I felt calm leaning there on top of the beautiful brunette. I felt myself stop crying and I looked up at Tori.

She smiled softly at me to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. All I knew as that she was right; everything was going to be okay for as long as I was with her.

She took her hand and brushed away my tears, before quickly and gently kissing my cheek. I then move quickly on top of her, sitting on my knees. Each of me knees on either side of her legs as I leaned in closer and slowly kissed her neck.

"What are-" Tori said getting cut off by me said "Shhhh" softly as I place my pointer finger in front of her lips. I move my finger slowly brushing against her chin making my way all the way down her neck.

I heard her moan softly as my finger moved slowly down into her small cleavage. I then grabbed her right boob and soon after used my other hand to grab her left. My heart fluttered. I moved in closer, and smashed my lips against hers. her lips felt soft as I took a small breath and went back in for more.

I jumped up and rolled quickly to the side and I felt Tori stiffen as our moment was ruined by the loud and startling sound of the bell ringing. We both got up an I kissed her cheek once again before walking quickly away.

That's about all that happened today. I kept seeing the stunning half latino throughout the day, but I refused to make eye contact. I was too scared of what her eyes would say and even more terrified of what mine would say in return.

There was one thing I knew for sure, and that was that I, Jade west, was in love with Tori Vega.

-Jade west

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Authors note:
Fell free to tell we what you thought. I put a video of the song that I felt matched Jades feelings the most during this. Sorry I took so long. I will be updating soon! ;)