Howl

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

The past four and a half days had been absolutely miserable. Emma just couldn’t stop thinking about Lukas. Sometimes, she felt like she wanted to call him, and other times, she just wanted to forget about him, which was impossible. Everything around her apartment reminded her of him – the kitchen where he cooked, the couch where they fell asleep together for the first time, the stain on the carpet when she jumped on him while he was trying to drink a Dr. Pepper, and other countless things, not including the things he’d bought for her.

At least with everything he bought, she could easily hide that in her closet. The hoodie he bought her at the Avalanche home opener, the Broncos jersey he bought her for Christmas, the toy wolf from the zoo, the half full bottle of Jack Daniels and everything else was currently stored in a box where she wouldn’t have to look at it.

Still, even that was painful. She knew it was her fault – she was the one who ran away from him. And she was sure that she could call him and he’d take her back and forgive her, but she just couldn’t make herself do it. Not until she could really sort out her feelings.

But at the moment, she really just wanted to forget that he even existed. She grabbed her purse and walked out the door, ready to pick Beth up from church. She warned her best friend she was going to be terrible company, but according to Beth, that’s what best friends were for.

Once they had their coffee and found a place to sit, Emma was silent. She simply stared at the cup in front of her, twisting it around in her hands.

“You want to talk about it?” Beth asked after taking several sips.

“I don’t know,” Emma sighed. She’d told Beth everything the day after she’d left Lukas, but her feelings about the situation were constantly changing. “I don’t even know what to do.”

“Maybe it’s for the best,” Beth suggested. “I know you liked him, but remember when you first decided to date him? You said then that this wasn’t going to amount to anything.”

“I know, but I just felt like he was different. Up until Tuesday, he was damn near perfect.”

“Besides the fact that he couldn’t give anyone a straight answer,” Beth grumbled. Several months after the fact, she was still mad that he hadn’t told her what hospital Emma had been in or told him anything relevant at all.

“Let it go, Bethany,” Emma said, using her friend’s full name. Even though she still wasn’t sure about how she felt about Lukas, she couldn’t fault him for what he did all those months ago. “Seriously, though, remember that one time when I really didn’t want to go out?”

“And he went out and got take out, a box of tampons and a chick flick and watched it with you? Yeah. I’ll admit, that was really nice of him. I can’t say I’ve ever dated anyone who’d do that.”

“Even mention needing tampons around most guys and they go running,” Emma muttered.

“How about I find you another guy who isn’t afraid of tampons?”

“I don’t want another guy.” Emma sighed, something she found herself doing far too much of lately. “I think he was as close as I’m ever going to get. Why couldn’t he just be more perfect?”

“You gotta stop thinking about him like he was perfect, Em. You know he wasn’t. Maybe it seemed that way most of the time, but everyone’s got something in their closet.”

“I’ve been in his closet,” Emma muttered.

“You know what I mean. I know you didn’t notice, but there was definitely something off with that guy.”