Blue

3- no shit, sherlock

"Mom, I'm home!" I called out as I closed the front door behind me.

"In the kitchen!" She called back and I followed the smell of freshly baked cupcakes. "Hiya honey, how're you doing?" She asked me as she piped white icing onto a red velvet cupcake.

"Fine." I mumbled.

"Okay, honey. Dr Brontey's expecting you at 5:30." I nodded, shoving a cupcake in my mouth and hurried up the stairs, collapsing on my bed. A few minutes after I had started my homework I was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I called, sitting up. The door creaked open and my brother Harry slipped in. "Hey, you okay?" HArry had Type 1 Diabeties and had stayed home from school that day.

"Yeah. You okay?" He sat down next to me and I rolled my eyes.

"The next person to ask me that is going to be in some serious pain." Harry looked over at me with a sad look in his eyes.

"Alex, we're not going to stop asking until you are okay. And you can't be pissed at us, especially Mom and Dad... we care about you." I bit my lip and inhaled a deep breath before letting out a shaky one.

"I know you care, and I know that's why you guys always ask but it makes me feel like shit." His eyes widened and I quickly backtracked. "Not that kind of shit. I'm not going to go there again, Harry."

"Please don't. That was the worst day of my life."

"It wasn't all that great for me either so I'd like to forget it, if that's okay with you." Harry was silent for a minute, then he reached out flipped my arms over so both he and I could see the slits that scarred my skin.

They weren't quite healed yet and I never went out of the house without some sort of jumper or coat on. I stared down at them silently, willing the tears in my eyes to go away.

"You can't forget it. You can't forget any of it." I looked up at my younger brother. He was only 16 but he had been forced to mature early. Finding your sister half dead in her room after trying to commit suicide will do that to a person. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder. His arms tightened around me and I sighed.

"Can you drive me to therapy?" I asked in a small voice and he nodded. I heard two beeps and pulled back from him to let him check his PDM. "You okay?" I asked him and he nodded.

"I need some orange juice." Juice meant his blood sugar was low, around 100 was where you wanted it.

"What are you?"

"67." I waited as he drank his orange juice and rechecked his blood sugar before smiling. "98."

********************

"Alex, tell me how you've been." Dr Brontey, my therapist, asked me. I was sat opposite her as usual, both of us sat on bean bags. She had a small clipboard on her lap and was writing even when I hadn't said anything.

"I've been fine." She remained silent, her way or telling me to elaborate, and I sighed. "I've kept my head down, I've done my work. I've ignored the skinny bitches who hate on me and I've got on with life. Good enough for you?" I snapped.

"I can sense you don't want to be here, Alex."

"No shit, Sherlock." I played with the hem on my skirt as a silence followed, silently regretting what I'd said. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that." I mumbled.

"What did you mean to say, Alex?" I hesitated slightly, before crossing my legs underneath me.

"I don't want to be here, that's obvious. I honestly don't think you can expect an 18 year old to want to do therapy three times a week, but I don't have a choice, so... whatever. I come when you ask to please my Mom and Dad and keep them off my back. I come because I want my little brother to think I'm getting better."

"Alex. The point of therapy is not to seem as though you're alright, it's to be alright so you can get on with your life. I know that's all you want to do here."

"Exactly. I want to forget about this and move on but I can't do that if I'm forced to therapy every week!"

"Forgetting it-"

"Is not the solution, blah blah blah. I know. You've told me before, now can I leave?" Dr Brontey pursed her lips and nodded.

"You may go."

"Thank you." I sighed, grabbing my coat and almost sprinting out of her office and down into the car park where Harry was waiting. I opened the passenger seat and he looked up from his phone.

"That was quick." He frowned. "What happened?"

"Nothing." I mumbled, pulling down the sleeves of my coat self consciously.

"Alex-"

"Can we go home? Please?" My voice cracked at please and tears burned my eyes. Harry didn't say anything else, putting the car into gear and pulling out of the car park and away from my therapist.

***************

"Darling, you're home early." Mom rushed to me when Harry and I appeared through the door.

"I know."

"Dr Brontey called. What's the matter?"

"Nothing." I hurried up to my room, slamming the door behind me. I knew Mom had followed me and it was only a matter of seconds before she knocked gently on my door. "You can obviously come in." I called out to her and my door creaked open.

"Alex, honey. I just want to know how you're feeling, we have The Porters and The Stewarts coming over at 7." I unburied my face from the comforter and sighed.

"I'm fine, just tired."

"Well, Sophie, Marilyn and Lola are supposed to be coming today." She sat next to where I was sprawled out on my bed and I rolled over to face her. "You could use some friends, Alex."

"I doubt they want to be friends with me." I sat up next to my Mom and she put a hand on my leg.

"Who wouldn't want to be friends with you, Alex."

"Try everyone at school."

"Well, all the people at school are idiots. Including you and Aunt Melinda." A small smile tugged at my mouth.

"What about you?"

"Ah, I'm the exception." I smiled a full blown smile and Mom's smile only grew. "You're beautiful when you smile, Alex, you should do it more often." I nodded.

"I'll try to." She kissed my forehead and stood up to leave. "And you're right Alex, no 18 year old wants to go to therapy, sounds like hell."

"So I can stop going?" I asked.

"I never said that." She gave me a teasing smile and I rolled my eyes, a smile still planted firmly on my lips. "But if you smile like that more often, we'll cut it down to every other week, once a week. Everyone will be here in half an hour." She added before leaving, closing the door behind her, leaving me smiling like an idiot.

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i'm actually strangely proud of this chapter.

yep, that's it

love

a l e x