Sometimes you have to take risks in your life - and in my life, so far, I haven't taken many.
This is time for myself. For once, I'm actually focusing on self care. I feel like most of my life, I have never really zeroed in on my problems, on my wants, on my fears. I professionally avoided all of these things. But no more..
"Are you sure you have everything?" My mother puts her hand on my shoulder with worry in her eyes.
I smile. Tears forming in my eyes. I really am going to miss her.
"Yes mom, don't worry okay? If I forgot something, I'm sure I can go to a local store or something" I rest my hand on hers.
She sighs, "Okay honey.. I know. I just can't help it" She pinches my cheek with silly humor. I hate that I have to leave her, but I have to do this. I wish she wouldn't worry so much about me, but that's the kind of mother she is.
Fran walks up to where me and my mother are sitting with a burger in one hand and a donut in the other.
"Hey guys" she says while taking a bite of her donut and sits down next to my mom.
"Well I'm glad to see you helped yourself to the airport food court" I shake my head while laughing.
"Hey! I didn't eat breakfast okay give me a break" She sticks her tongue out while continuing to eat her food.
About thirty minutes went by before my flight was announced.
"Okay guys... it's time" I smile with a heavy heart.
Fran makes a frowny face while she pulls me in for a hug, "I love you kiddo."
"I love you too Franny" I rub her back while squeezing her back.
My mom embraces me after Fran. "Be careful dear. I love you so much, honey." My mom pulls back and rubs my shoulders while looking at me with tears in her eyes.
"I love you mom" I smile back at her.
I walk away and I turn one last time to wave, seeing Fran and my mom wave back.
I know they're proud of me but at the same time worried.
Butterflies begin to form in the pit of my stomach as I get closer to the plane. I begin to rethink my decision, but deep down I know that I need this.
Mental health is so important and I have been ignoring mine for almost my whole adolescent/adult life. I just want some peace and quiet. Some tranquility - clarity.
I hope to come back stronger and better. I want to work on myself - which is something I'm afraid to do, but also very much ready to do.
