Wildfire

Fifty Three

"A-Are you sure it compliments me?" With my eyesight still not fully restored to me I cannot manage to catch my reflection unless I am very close to the highly polished mirrors that had been ordered to be brought in by my Mama and sisters, Emrys able to stand next to me and steady me, but not allowed to look at me, his strong broad back facing me while he struggles not to turn around and take in what Mama and the girls assure me are the most stunning ceremonial robes they could find, the heavy intricate stitching done on the black silk with golden thread apparent to my eyes despite the fact that I cannot make out the finer details that make up the pattern. 

"It makes your eyes glow Rayne! And your hair... And your complexion... How am I ever going to convince myself not to be jealous of how beautiful you'll look on your big day?" The way Wen says the words brings a smile to my face... One that falters when Mama's hands find my shoulders unexpectedly making me flinch towards Emrys for protection... Something I know they all see... Sad gasps ringing out with a volume they think I will not notice, not thinking on the fact that my hearing has been more acute lately... Emrys himself turning halfway to reach out as if to catch my incoming body before I stop myself and he is able to direct his eyes elsewhere with all of us coming to a silent agreement not to discuss what has just happened, all of us needing to pretend that this is just a normal day... That it is perfectly normal for the groom to be present during a fitting of the wedding robes instead of having his own tended to... Something that is not allowed to happen with my unengaged unmarried sisters in the room, their eyes not meant to see the fullness of the male figure before it is that of their own husbands... Though in Suravi's case it may be more of a case to think she will find her wife...But that is neither here nor there... It would be inappropriate for them to be exposed to the level of possible nakedness that may be needed to be sure that his garments are all properly fitted... So he is waiting so very patiently for my own clothing to be declared perfectly perfect and is being a true gentleman about it. 

I mean not to offend Mama, so I lean away from my sweet Prince and push back against her hold, one of her hands coming up to stroke my cheek with the back of her knuckles, a phantom tenderness causing the flesh underneath to positively ache as it remembers the less pleasant touch that seems to be popping up in my dreams more and more often no matter how safe I feel when I find myself falling asleep in Emmy's arms every evening. 

...

Emrys

...

It is nearly impossible for me to keep myself from turning around to view my sweet shard of starlight once again, the afterimage of him in his formal wear... The womenfolk of his family had been absolutely right in telling him that the garments look stunning on them, the tailor fluttering about his person in order to mark the minor adjustments needed to make the clothing make him look even more like an ethereal being than he already does, the flush of his cheeks only furthering the stunning ensemble, though the knee-jerk reaction to his mother's gentle hold does make my heart ache and take away from my unintentionally stolen glance... 

If only we did not have such reason for his fear... If only the Hirai's had snubbed me and not shown up at all... So much pain could have been spared us, every single day that the last Hirai to have graced us with his venomous presence still having not been found.. Though the intelligence brought to me on the matter most recently would suggest that he has finally found support in his remaining family, the ones that had stayed alive by staying home... Though I have a feeling most of their support is that of the false kind that family tends to give due to the thickness of the blood between you instead of true faith in his cause. 

And I say that not only because his own mother, a woman who had been a close friend of my grandmother, had written to me to tell me how distasteful she has found he has grown over the years... No doubt due to my own father's influence, something I wrote to her and apologized for... But also because not a single one of his relatives have been reported to have entered the royal village, all guests who enter through the gate now carefully logged by the guards now stationed there permanently...

The man is arguably more disturbed than my own father, who has been strangely quiet on the entire matter, Cho having carefully filled him in on the situation... Well... Most of the situation... The private protection council meetings and the outpouring of further pledges of fealty to my sweet Moon Beam not needing to be relayed to his ears just yet if ever... 

His absence and lack of care rather speaks to his character and how little love of me is left harbored in his blackened heart if any at all, my visage always having apparently reminded him of Mother and her blessed face... I had always known that my very existence bothered the man as a reminder of the love he had once been capable of that now hopefully haunts him, but I had not realized that for every ounce of love for me he had lost his mind had fostered a numb hate towards me... A hate that his silence screams at me... One that makes it easier to go about the secrecy needed to keep my delicate treasure of a bride safe and happy... One that makes me hope that he will not hesitate to leave this palace and head for the hills he still stares so aimlessly at instead of planning something foolish or adding in to the Hirai debacle unnecessarily just to stir up trouble.