Porcelain (Klaine)

Chapter 5

*Kurt's POV*

I wake up and the first thing I feel is an awful pain on the right side of my head.

Shit. I woke up.

Puzzled, I get up off the bathroom floor, gun still in hand, and look in the mirror.

Where there should have been a bullet hole, there was just a bunch of shrapnel. I open the gun chamber and sigh in disappointment.

Fucking blanks. Who even has blanks?

I start plucking out shards of the blank bullet, and wince in pain as each touch stings. There is a lot of blood and a bunch of tiny, deep cuts that I know will scar badly.

I take a shower, cleaning my arms, then getting out and doing my best to tend to all of my injuries.

I look at the clock. Glee club hasn't finished yet. Finn must be giving me space, and I am very thankful for that.

I retrace my trip to the garage, cleaning any blood I spilt, and replaced the gun, making it look as though nothing out of the ordinary happened.

I go back to my room, pulling on a somewhat stylish hat to cover my head injury. Hopefully they won't get suspicious. They know what my sense of fashion is like, anyway.

I think about the pills in my bathroom cupboard, grateful that if the time comes to use them- No. When the time comes to use them- that it will be much quieter and much less messy.

Not much later, I hear Finn come home, but he doesn't come to see me. I'm glad, because I'm really not in the mood for a questioning right now.

Carole and dad come home later and I make a start on the dinner.

As we sit down to the meal, I feel the awkward atmosphere at the table. I swear to Cheesus, if he told them anything-

"Kurt? We need to talk." Great. Now my dad knows how fucked up my life is.

I give him a look with as much innocence as I could muster. Ignorance is the key.

"Finn told us what happened today, and I gotta say, I'm real worried about you, kiddo." I give Finn my best death glare, filled with hatred and betrayal.

"I've noticed you're barely eating, and you're getting too skinny."

He's lying. He's just trying to make me feel better.

"You've changed. You're not the bright eyed, smiling boy I used to know. Just tell me what's going on."

I shook my head, not wanting to talk and unsure of what to say. I hear him sigh in exasperation.

"Fine. I won't force you to talk. But if you don't let me know what's going on, I'm scheduling a Doctor's appointment. I haven't heard you speak in over a week, Kurt! Please. Just please, write me a letter or something, because I sure as hell have no idea what's going on. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's happening, Kurt." he finishes softly.

I nod my head, and everyone returns to their meals. I let out a small sigh of relief, just as I think the nightmare's over. But of course, I'm not so lucky.

"And no hats at the dinner table, Kurt." my dad says lazily, barely looking up from his plate.

I feel the colour drain from my face and just hope he doesn't push it. No such luck.

"Kurt." He says more forcefully now.

"Take the hat off." I shake my head slowly, not meeting his gaze. The next time he speaks I can hear the worry and suspicion in his voice.

"Why Kurt?" I shake my head, reaching up to secure my hat in place, but not before Finn swoops in and pulls it off my head.

Fuck. Well this is great, just fucking great!

I hear everyone gasp and Carole let's out a noise hat sounds suspiciously like a sob.

Good going Kurt!

My dad speaks up again and I hear the emotion in his voice.

"Please, please tell me, that isn't what I think it is." I shake my head, trying to deny it, but it's too late.

My dad jumps up and makes his way to the garage, knowing what he's doing, I bury my face in my hands, sobbing along with Carole.

Finn, who's completely oblivious as to what we're talking about, looks between us, confused as hell. Oh, how I admire his naivety.

He returns with the gun and sets in on the table. His voice is scarily low.

"Tell me Kurt, if I were to open this gun... Would I or would I not find that there is one bullet missing." I can barely hear him over my sobs, as the tears roll down my face, my breath shaky as my breathing is uneven.

I manage to shake my head but I know that it's in vain. There's no point in lying anymore.

"Tell me the truth Kurt!" He screams, as the tears start falling down his own face now. I finally give in, gasping for air, I nod my head, slowly and ever so slightly.

Dad breaks down, collapsing into his chair and crying his eyes out, along with everyone else in the room now.

I am overwhelmed with an unbelievable amount of guilt, as I caused this breakdown. My big, tough dad, who in all my years alive, I have never once seen cry, is sobbing his heart out in front of me. Because of me.

It becomes too much for me and I run back to my room, sobbing and sobbing, until I cry myself to sleep.

I wake up in a cold sweat and panting from a nightmare and, knowing I wasn't going to get back to sleep, I decided to write my dad a letter.

I explained everything in it; from not getting noticed, to the voice in my head, to me being fat, to the bullies and Karofsky (making sure to leave out the detail about the kiss, not being able to bring myself to even think what would happen if I did).

Strangely, I felt some sort of relief, like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I guess it just felt good to finally let all my feelings out and having someone else to confide in.

I quietly walked until I got outside dad and Carole's bedroom and hearing gentle snoring, I slip my letter under the door.

I go back to bed and fall asleep, my mind slightly more peaceful and at ease than before, as I drifted into the land of dreams and nightmares.