You know when you're drunk and you feel like you're the millennial version of Santa Claus – you turn into someone nice, someone really forgiving, and someone extremely generous. And that's exactly why I hate being drunk because I know that nice, forgiving, and generous are not the adjectives to describe me. Yet, with alcohol in my system, I couldn't seem to help but give the world my goodwill.
"Can you be honest with me?" I asked Castor as we were driving to this place that was supposed to make him happy.
"I am always honest with you."
"Whatever. But, I just want you to answer me truthfully, why do you want to get hitched?"
"I want a family."
"Aren't you happy with your parents and your siblings?"
"I am. Pero, iba pa rin 'yung may uuwian ka at may umuuwi sa'yo."
"Get a dog, Castor."
He laughed. "Gan'un? Aso na ang pamalit sa asawa at mga anak ngayon?"
"Why would you even want a wife? She'll probably just nag you like what my mom does to my dad. She'll probably tell you what to wear, what to eat, what time to come home...my God, iniisip ko pa lang na may magdidikta kung paano ako gagalaw ay naiinis na ako."
"Well, I don't see it that way. My Mom nags my father, too. She tells him to eat on time, to take his vitamins, to go to the gym, those things that others might see as nagging but married couples see as caring."
"You want someone to tell you what to do?"
"No, Ayn, who wants that, right?"
"Then why get married?"
"Because I want someone to be my compass. I want someone who'll honestly tell me when I am being a lousy human. I want someone who'll remind me every single day that I have to take good care of myself so I can take good care of her and our family. I want someone who'll excitedly welcome me home—"
"Paano kung mas nauna kang umuwi kaysa kanya?"
"Then, I'll be the one to welcome her home."
"Hm...paano kung sa sobrang busy ng asawa mo ay wala na s'yang time na punahin pa if you are being your best self or being a worthless human kasi wala naman s'yang pakialam sa'yo kasi hindi ka n'ya mahal?"
"Are you talking about yourself?" he asked.
"Oo," I shamelessly replied. "Because you said that you want to marry me, but, you have totally forgotten the fact that the woman you've asked to marry is not in love with you. So, how can I even honestly tell you that you are being your best self when I barely know you myself? How can I remind you to take good care of yourself when I do not care about you? How can I welcome you home when it is so obvious that I don't want anything to do with you?"
"Parang napakaimposible sa'yo ang ma-in love sa akin."
"Castor, ganito lang 'yan, it is either I am sane or I am in love with you, I can't be both."
He laughed. "So you think that loving me is going to drive you crazy?"
"Sort of..."
"Hm..."
Silence descended between us and the wine must have made me grow a conscience because I felt bad for stepping over the line again. "I'm sor—"
"Hindi mo na problema 'yun, Ayn," he suddenly said.
I frowned at him. "Ang alin?"
"Ang mahalin ako. It is my duty as the party who convinced you to marry me to make you fall in love with me."
