Black is the Color of Beauty

Chapter 16

NiNi's POV 

April 11, 2019 

MGM Casino 

Oxon Hill, MD (10 minutes from D.C.)

       Its been 22 days, 10 hours and some change since the last time I heard his voice. Normally, I don't care about no man. In the great words of Gucci Mane " Girls are like buses: miss one next 15 one comin' ". Well, Bo ain't no female, but you get the point. I don't allow myself to be pressed over a man. Why should I? I am a QUEEN. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am amazing. That's the four sentence mantra my therapist created to help me build up a relationship with myself and my self esteem. Damn, my self esteem? Yeah, that's a WHOLE other topic. 

     Since the last time I spoke to Bo, I have been having irregular stomach pains and cramps. My stomach only hurts when something bad is about to happen.... OR I'm on my period. What??? It's the TRUTH. Mother Nature be fucking my little tummy up. But, its not my period which means something bad is about to happen. So, obviously that means something bad is about to happen. But what? Or the better question is, who will the bad thing happen to? Lord knows I can't take anymore pain and deaths. I take a sip of my drink. Its taste lemony and sweet. I gag. I hate lemon because it reminds me of him.

    " Finally, I have your attention. For a second there, I thought you were Sleeping Beauty or something," a deep voice chuckles. I immediately notices a light skin dude, with cinnamon color freckles and an unnatural bright white teeth smiling at me. The hairs on my arm stand up at how close he is too me, so close that are shoulders are almost touching.... too close. " Um, hello and you are?" But, before he can answer my question something catches my attention. Is that the guys approaching Ty? Fuck. Before I could move away, the guy grabs my hand. " You are so beautiful that even the sunset is jealous of you," he states the practiced line so smoothly. Normally, I would say thanks and kept it moving. But, between his compliments and the guys untimely arrival, I do something that is beyond me... I let out a laugh. A nervous one, but a laugh nonetheless. As I laugh, I look down to see that his hand is still holding mines. Shit, I am totally fucked.

     Then, the next thing I know is I am sitting on a bed across from Bo in a hotel room. " Ty are you even listening to me?"  Huh, listening to you? What are you even talking about? Oh shit, don't tell me it happened again. Frustrated that I can't recall what happened, my eyes begin to sting. Oh shit, here it comes. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "Sorry." I apologize. Bo's face immediately softens up after noticing my tears. "What's wrong?" He ask. "Please don't ask me that question." I feel as though a plastic bag is being put over my face. My breathing starts to speed up. I can't breathe. My head starts the feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen I think I'm not getting. Or, rather its dizzy because I'm breathing is very quickly. I feel the bed dip down next to me. " Shhhhhh," Bo shushes me and begins rubbing small circles on my back. After a few minutes, the breathing slows down and my body begins to droop.

    " We will talk about that in a second." I stiffen up at his words. Shit, he's going to want to know. I don't know if I can tell him. What if its too much for him? What if it end up hurting him to? Everything I touch gets fucked up with it. " NiNi, I need you to focus and stop whatever thoughts you're thinking right now," Bo comments catches me off guard. How does he know I am not paying attention. Can he read minds? Does he knows?   "Back to what I was saying, we need to talk. I am giving you six weeks to give your job your resignation. I have to return back to Shanghai and you have to come with me," he looks at me as if waiting for my reaction. I bust out laughing. " Ah, you got me fucked up. You just expect me to drop everything, leave my family and home because you said so."  Bo's face harden back up again. Shit, he's pissed that I'm laughing at him. But, I don't give a fuck. I have business to take care of here. " Ni'era, I am not joking. You are coming back to me to Shanghai. And don't worry, I know all about that guy you are expected to be married to," I stop breathing knowing that Bo knew what was going on. "Yes, I had a nice little conversation with your cousin. He told me that you're expected to be married to his boss sometime next year. I explained to him that you're already my woman. So, I am taking you back to Shanghai where we will get married and figure this Greek shit out," he finish up. Married? I know you fucking lying. From Bo's serious expression I could tell that he was dead serious. Even if I wanted to go to Shanghai, I couldn't I don't break promises. I already agreed to marrying this guy. Bo must sense my hesitation. "NiNi, the 'boss' is a dangerous. Don't ask, I will tell you n due time. But, I will say that your life is at risk if you marry him," he comments. Dangerous? Life at risk. " Now just hold the fuck up. I deserve to know," I huff.  " We will continue this conversation later. I have already given you too much for one day. Now, let's talk about what happened earlier." Here we go again.

  I really don't want to tell him. Reflexively, I scoot to the farthest part of the bed and away from him. I need space because this is suffocating me. Ignoring the distance I put between us, Bo picks me up and lays down on the bed. Now, I am laying on top of him. " NiNi, you got to talk to me about it. It seem like me asking if you were paying attention upset you earlier," he starts rubbing my back again. For a minute, its silent.I am listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. You got to tell him NiNi. I take in a deep breath. " It did upset me because I wan't paying attention. Hell, the last thing I remember is being at the lounge and you guys walking in. I just don't remember and that's the frustrating part because I want to. But, I can't." Shit, my eyes start to sting again. " I don't understand," Bo's scrunch together eyebrow is a telltale sign that he is confused. I take in a deeper breath. He's going to find out sooner or later about the darkness within me. " Bo, ummmmm" my eyes zero in on a stray thread on his shirt. NiNi you got to do it. " I struggle with depression and a way it manifest in my everyday life is that I have gaps in my thinking and memory. Most days, I don't even feel myself even walking and remember going to places. Almost as if I'm in a dreamlike state. My therapist said its because my brain is traumatized. It can't function at its best because it suppressed so much bad stuff in order to protect me...." And here I go opening up to the man I barely knew about a life I barely knew I was living.