BOYS LIKE GIRLS / CLIFFORD

09

MICHAEL CLIFFORD

-

Do you want to be a man? Join us.

The poster outside my dorm room read, it was for the knock out club of the school, the RA’s were being paid off for these so they wouldn’t tell the school authority, the entire event is anonymous and people don’t need to sign their names at all, they just show up.

And I wanted to be a man.

Fight clubs, fighting, beating the crap out of the other guy was a right of passage for a guy my age, it was a way to prove that a boy have became a man.

-

“So, you should totally come to it okay?” I said to Alyssa, we were at one of ours night phone calls again and she just finished telling me about her day and I told her about the knock out club. 

“I don’t know, Michael, I don’t think you should go, you’re not exactly a sporty person…’ Her voice trails off.

"Oh, seriously? Have you seen these guns?" I laughed, “I can beat anyone.”

“Sure, Mikey, sure.” I could imagine her rolling her eyes at the other end of the phone.

Alyssa was not a big fan of violence but I could tell by the tone of her voice she didn’t believe I was going to sign up and actually stick to this thing.

“Fine, you know what, come to my school tomorrow night in my dorm’s basement.” I said, inviting her, “And then you’ll see how strong I am.”

She paused for a few seconds to think, I was about to run out of change to talk to her, “Sure, if you chicken out, you’re getting me free pizza.”

“Deal.”

-

Preparing for fighting wasn’t just a joke, I don’t just sit there and masturbate to practice my arm and wrist strength, I was beating up my pillow instead of my junk.

You know one of those moments when you just think about all of those people who didn’t believe in you, who thought you couldn’t make it? 

I pictured Mrs. Howell as the pillow as I was dragging it on the floor and slamming it on the wall again and again, she didn’t believe, to her? I was a waste of space, she valued her students by their grades instead of the integrity they had, even though I masturbated in class, and failed a bunch of classes before I start to really study, at least I wasn’t a mass murderer or a home wrecker, I was just me, Michael Clifford. I use to not care whether people believed in me or not, but Alyssa came in, she believed there was a bit of brain underneath the useless crap I hid it behind. 

After a few hours of shouting meaningless words and phrases, I collapsed on my bed, panting, I glanced over at the clock on the wall, it was half past eleven and half of the dorm is probably asleep, but luckily for me, I had the corner room and the room next to me was empty so there was no noise complaints against me. If I win tomorrow, I could show Alyssa what a man I actually am in the inside, I wasn’t just a childish boy she knew back in high school, I would be a man that can protect her when she needs me.

I just wanted to be her hero.

And it’s all I ever wanted to be.

-

Here’s the thing about the knock-out club, before joining, all I knew was the captain was on a math scholarship, so theoretically, I assumed him to be a skinny Asian kid similar to Calum, but no, he wasn’t anything close to a skinny Asian kid. He was Asian though, his name was Josh, except he was probably a foot taller than me and the width of his biceps was the width of my skinny waist, as I walked towards him, I could feel my heart drop on the ground, although I was terrified, I still acted all tough like I wasn’t scared or needed to back out.

Big mistake.

“So here are the rules guys.” Josh’s girlfriend, a cheerleader said as she announces the rules, “No kicking below the waist, above the knees, no pinching, no biting, no pulling the hair and the round ends when one blacks out.” 

Josh and I’s eyes never left each other, it was all about making the other one fear you, so far Josh has done a great job of doing that, I was weak to my knees and terrified to look in the crowd for Alyssa.

“Okay guys? 3, 2, 1!” Josh’s girlfriend shouted and the next thing I knew, Josh pinned me on the ground and my arm was folded behind me and I couldn’t move. As I was struggling to get up on the ground he slams my head on the ground again and again.

When I opened my eyes next, I was resting on the bench in the common area of the dorm, I looked at the clock, it has been roughly twenty minutes since the match began and I could hear cheering from downstairs.

What a loser. I thought to myself, I tried to move but I soon realized I couldn’t feel my face and my arm was covered with bruises.

“Mikey?” I looked up and there stood Alyssa, wearing a black dress and her hair was wet, dripping water all over the floor, “What the fuck?”

That was the first time I heard Alyssa swore, although I was going through extreme pain, I couldn’t help to laugh.

“What is wrong with you, Michael?” She shouted as she races next to me and her fingers lightly touches my already swollen face.

“I was totally going to win…”

“No, you were’t, why will you even enter in a competition that hurts yourself? Are you stupid?” She cut me off, and stood up from the ground, yelling at me. “You’re an idiot.”

And at that moment, I snapped, I jumped off my seat and start walking outside.

“It’s raining outside, Michael.” She shouted after me, I groaned as I continued walking out in to the rain, the rain poured all over me and it was hurting even more on where the wounds are.

I was doing it for her. In my head, I thought to myself, I wanted to prove I can be the one to protect her, I wasn’t the Michael from high school anymore, I can save her, I can be her hero.

“You’re such a idiot, Michael.” She shouted, a phrase that could be sound as playful was hurting on that moment, her tone was serious and I didn’t turn back to look at her, I could hear footsteps chasing behind me, she grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me around, “Why are you walking away from me?”

“You know why I’m such an idiot, Alyssa?” I roared in her face, “And yes, I’m such an idiot that’s why I liked a girl like you for so long. I’m such an idiot because I was stupid enough to think this would prove that I was strong enough to protect you, I was stupid enough to think you would need me.”

“Michael-”

 “Goodbye.”