Hazard Impassioned

FERVENTING MYSELF OF ACCEPTANCE

Expectation and grammy awards were expectation set by the public eyes
I wasn't who I was
I am not who I am, not the prize of rage
thought to turn 19 will be the happiest time
It will be my time to do all the fancy things as i expected when was 16
The subtle difference between me loving-myself and promising that i will treat myself better
And then i learned that self-love is not about me buying all the fancy gift or visiting the luxurious place but it was all about self-acceptance as a girl
Promising myself every day to myself that i will treat myself better is not a part on how i grow up it's about if i fall rock bottom will pick myself despite the lighting struck while the sun blaze under me
I am eager of joy that felt climbing up a mountain
Has left me now the highest point is gained.
The crystal spray that fell from Fame's fair fountain
Was sweeter than the waters were when drained.

The gilded apple which the world calls pleasure,
And which I purchased with my youth and strength,
Pleased me a moment. But the empty treasure
Lost all its luster, and grew dim at length.
And love, all glowing with golden glory,
Delighted me a season with its tale.
It pleased the longest but at last the story,
So oft-repeated, to my heart grew stale.
I lived for self, and all I asked was given
No other punishment designed by Heaven
Could strike me half so forcibly as this.
I feel no sense of aught but enervation
In all the joys my selfish aims have brought,
And know no wish but for annihilation,
Since that would give me freedom from the thought

"Loving" the word that was a phrase in many dictionaries as "idea and action of being proud of one's image and actions, along with a confident attitude"
But after much thought, this word was never placed in action on me while I live like soul granting permission from others